Burned out and depressed.

[I have to make some small goals and meet them. Any encouragement will be appreciated.]

Don't worry, Rose, you will. You will. When you've come to, so to speak, you'll start cleaning and organizing. You won't be able to help yourself!

And any change of this magnitude, as much as it had to be made, is bound to bring some uncomfortable feelings along with it.

Rose how are you doing today? Is there a little weight lifted off of you ? I've been thinking of you and am in awe of your strength. Now is the time to take care of Rose.

I'm a bit better. I did do the dishes and just a bit of picking up and made my bed and took a shower. Soon as I dry my hair, I'm going to the hospital. Also I ate something good.

But my stomach is doing somersaults. That's rare for me. He must wonder if I stopped caring, as it's so late. But I hardly could pull together today. But I'll get going now.

Thank you for thinking of me.

Good luck at the hospital, sweetheart.

I'm staying overnight at the hospital. He is in a private room. There is a chair that opens up into a bed. They say I am welcome to stay. A nurse supervisor even made up the bed for me. It's comfortable. (Hospitals today are very into good public relations. I've lived long enough to have seen a dramatic evolution in how hospital staff talk to patients and families.) I feel comforted. A specialist will see my guy tomorrow and recommend how to treat what's going on with him - a reaction to a drug that started as a rash and then became like areas of 2nd degree burns.

This morning, while trying to talk myself into not vegetating, I got a call from a friend that I'ld not spoken with in a couple years. It was such a warm, caring call and so unexpected. I can't adequately express what a nice surprise this was. Once in a while life tosses a lovely bouquet of the sweetest blossoms right into your lap, on a day when it's the last thing you could have anticipated.

After the call, I was kind of in a state of emotional overload. But I'm settling down. The phrase "change of this magnitude" resonated deeply with me. What I've gone through internally over the days since starting this thread has felt like an internal earthquake. I am very satisfied that I've made sound decisions and have a good plan, though the process of doing that felt wrenching.

I am so grateful for all these encouraging posts. At times I've felt a wreck. Now I see the light. I was flying through a storm. Now I think I can land safely.

You can. You have the strength and intestinal fortitude to make the adjustment. I'm certain of it.

And what a blessing, the call from your friend. There is good stuff out there. It's not all storm und drang, even tho the news says it is.

As true as it is that "[blank] happens," good things also just happen.
Rare... Do please keep an eye on this for your own health.

(((((((((((( hugs ))))))))))))

Hugs to all above. When I think of our recent irritations with each other, especially my own episodes of agitated hostility towards him, it seems so petty now. I'm still at the hospital, staying the night, wishing wishing we could stay here as we are for a good while longer. I brought him treats from the gift shop and cafeteria - sweets that he eagerly relished like a child. I have to stay in the moment; if I think forward in time to when I can't do that, I dread him being gone.

Nurses here are kind to me. I can be kinder and more patient with him because I feel supported. He in turn is sweeter to me, kissing my hand earlier. The two of us were overly alone together and mutually depleted. We needed help. Once in a while, life gives you what you need.

Man's humanity toward man makes hardship and sorrow bearable. I have to remember that, when he is gone, that doesn't have to be the end of my being needed by someone. The world around me is in no danger of running out of need. And people are not so awful that no one will care that I am in need.

We each need others to care for and and we need to be cared for by others. In the intensity of the great mutual need he and I have for each other during this time, it seems like he is my whole world and that, with him gone, nothing important will be left to me. But that's false. I'm focused intently on him right now because that focus is needed. It makes the rest of the world seem to disappear. When my caregiving of him stops being needed, I can notice all that is around me that I've become blind to. This world will not be barren of things that merit my attention . . . of persons worth knowing. In life there is always something to do worth doing, if you are willing to keep trying. Life will keep being interesting, if I just take an interest in it. I have to remember that.

I should make a "To Do" list of some things I'ld like to do tomorrow - either because they need to be done, or because I'ld just like to do them - so that I move along and my mind doesn't stagnate just perseverating at what happens to be in front of me. I've got clean laundry at the laundromat that's been sitting there for days. I have a week's worth of mail not yet opened. I've been wanting to visit a church and to call a friend I haven't talked to in a while. There's a lot I could get done, if I budgeted my time and followed a little schedule. That would leave less time for morbid thinking. Accomplishing a variety of little goals in a short span of time can be very satisfying and refreshing.

Once in a while I come up with some good advice for myself. Writing helps that.

Thank you.
This is one of the many things in your post worth focus.

Well, rose, you know ive always thought well of your advice. It still holds!

Thank you so much for your inspiring posts, Rose76! You're helping out A LOT more people than you believe simply by writing all of your wise, wonderful posts! I agree with what all the other wise, wonderful posters have already wisely said better than I ever could! You've been given lots of great, kind, useful, wise, wonderful advice on this thread! I'd suggest to follow it as much as you can if you need it and if you want to! Most importantly, PLEASE DON'T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP! We all need someone to help us when we need it and there's ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG wiht that! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! Please keep us updated as much as you can and want and take GREAT care of yourself, ok? You deserve it after EVERYTHING you've been through! Take your time to rest, take good care of yourself and your own home and meet up with other people you like! We all care about you here! We all love you here! Feel free to vent and to write as much as you need and want! You know we won't judge you! I promise you that! Thank you so much for sharing your experiences! You're helping out A LOT more people than you think you are just by writing all of your experiences down, including me! Thank you SO MUCH for that! You're a STRONG, WONDERFUL PERSON! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! Sending many hugs to you, Rose76!

I went in the transport van to the nursing home with him last evening. I'm pleased with the nice room he has there. Then I had to figure out Uber to go back to the hospital for my car. Came home and ate.

I feel like I just barely made it to this point, where I can stop being like a machine trying to function. Staff at nursing home were nice.

I feel asleep in a chair in living room. Now I will get some more rest.

Please do.

(((((((((((( Rose ))))))))))))

(((((Rose)))))

Well, he's adjusted pretty well to being at the nursing home. What helps is that he is getting some rehab, which gives him something to do. The therapy means that more people interact with him. The staff have been nice to him and to me.

I am tired now. I can sleep, knowing he's got someone checking on him. It's not all on me.

I've had a problem with Achilles tendonitis making my heel hurt after walking for any length of time. Helping him up and down and from here to there makes my heel hurt more. I did some of that when I visited him. I've done a lot of running back and forth to the hospital and, now, the nursing home. At some point, I've got to be looking after me and getting caught up on neglected things at home. I think it's time to start that.

I worry if the thermostat in his room is adjusted right and if he's got the channel he wants on the TV. It's occurring to me that there are staff there to help him, and they should be able to handle those things. And he should be able to ask for help from them, instead of just wanting me to come in and fix everything. I'm supposed to be getting a break, some rest and "catch up" time. I've brought in lots of clean clothes and other things. I'm very tired and, tomorrow, I should have time for what I need to do. I think I need to back off a bit from worrying about every little thing for him.

((((((((((( Rose76 ))))))))))

[I worry if the thermostat in his room is adjusted right and if he's got the channel he wants on the TV. It's occurring to me that there are staff there to help him, and they should be able to handle those things. And he should be able to ask for help from them, instead of just wanting me to come in and fix everything. I'm supposed to be getting a break, some rest and "catch up" time. I've brought in lots of clean clothes and other things. I'm very tired and, tomorrow, I should have time for what I need to do. I think I need to back off a bit from worrying about every little thing for him.]

I absolutely support you in heading in this direction, Rose. To my mind, it's inspiring. It's healthy. It's the best thing in the world for you.

But that doesn't mean it's easy. You've spent so much time in taking care of his needs that it's consumed all of your waking (and probably sleeping!) hours. It'll take some time to get used to. But while you're still devoting yourself to his needs, just try and devote some time to your own as well. You may have to make a real effort to do this at first, because it probably won't come naturally to you, because you're a giver.

(((( HUGS ))))

I pivoting toward the care of me. He's adjusting. My sore heel is swollen. I plan to drop by this evening briefly. But it's silly for me to aggravate my sore heel, when he is surrounded by strong young women who can easily provide the physical assistance he needs.

He's already adjusted better than I thought a few days ago was going to happen.

I'm awful tired. Think I'll lie down awhile.

What do you do for your tendinitis? Ice? Elevate? Rest? Compression of some kind?

Indocin is a prescription anti-inflammatory drug that did wonders for my heel 4 years ago. I got a new prescription for it that I'm starting to take. Also I'm staying off my feet today. (I didn't even take trash to the dumpster at the apartment complex, as that was too far to walk.)

Most boldly, on my part, I did not visit at the nursing home today. On the phone, my bf told me that was okay and to take care of myself. In the next breath, he told me the n. home is a crap hole, and no one there will do anything for him. I explained he has to ring his call bell and ask for what he needs. (He prefers that all his wants and needs should be anticipated. This is what he's used to here with me.) I said he should try to make the best of it where he is for now.

This is continuation of a pattern that's gone on for many years, since we met. He tells me he's in dire straights and needs rescuing. Then I ride in like the cavalry, bugles a-sounding and regiment colors flapping in the breeze. Yes, we tend to create our own predicaments. I taught him to have these expectations. I conditioned him to rely on me solving every problem.

Example: If I take him to a doctor's appointment and the doctor keeps him waiting for more than 10 minutes past the appointment time, he goes into a meltdown. He demands that I "go get that doctor!" or take him home immediately because it is intolerable for him to be kept waiting. I bring little bags of treats to feed him, while we're in the waiting room, as though he were a child needing to be kept distracted and occupied. It occurs to me now what an enabler of nonsense I've become. He may have some dementia, but I treat him like a baby. When I turn on a lamp to better see what I'm doing, he says "You're burning my eyes with that light!" When I give him insulin, he yells and says "You hit a bone!" I'm never doing things quite well enough. When I ask how he enjoyed a meal I worked hard on, he says "If was alright."

We love and care for each other. There is an endearing side to him I'm not including here. Plus, he puts up with my tongue, which gets sharp. He never stays mad about anything. But I've become like a hamster running in a wheel. Tonight I'm off that wheel, and I don't want to climb back on.

Clearly, our expectations of each other have to be renegotiated.I could not sustain what I was doing.

I'm going to lie down. I'm tired. I can't even stand to have the TV on. All I want is quiet and peace.

Thanks for listening.

You're very welcome, dear Rose. I suppose every relationship has 2 sides to it. There's nothing wrong with wanting a relationship. It's just that hopefully both sides are being helped, supported, and loved. And I'm not just talking through my hat, as they used to say. I've been in plenty of relationships that were not reciprocal, so I tend to recognize them.

I'm not surprised that occasionally you strike out. That you try to speak out for yourself and your frustrations. In a perfect world he could hear that and give you space for them. For your very natural feelings and reactions.

Well, I suppose it would be good if I stopped babbling for now. I'm glad you have a prescription for Inderal that is helping. It can be so painful having problems with joints, tendons, and/or ligaments.

Rest well.

Rose, your guy reminds me of my parents - they never wanted to tell me i did a good job, because then they figured i would stop trying. Unfortunately, that ploy backfired, bigly.

Rose I hope you're doing things for yourself now that your BF is being taken care of. Be good to your self and do something you enjoy. You deserve it.