Live to see the New Year - Are you crazy

Sorry you are feeling so bad right now. When its gets so hopeless can you phone someone? I can't usually phone but if someone phones me I can snap right out of it for awhile. I hear you about your house. Its a lot of worry. There are people who will rent for exchange of house repairs.That might take some pressure off. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and support. Many of you have gone through or are going through this same horror show playing out before me. Believe it or not, from the bottom of my heart, there is great comfort in knowing there are others.

The demands of society for feelings of happiness, contentment, delight are just too much. A time to play dress-up, put on make-up and plaster that god-forsaken smile upon you face. Family gatherings, parties, celebrations and the expectations of those around me that I be happy are too much. Why can’t they see my pain, my agony, my tears, the real me. No I have to put on that mask of pleasure and enjoyment, slip into those high-heel shoes and walk through that door. I can’t do this any more. I'm tired of pretending.

It’s a major effort just to stay alive. Breathe, breathe, in, out, in, out my mind and body are in a constant opposition. I close my eyes and my mind whispers relax, let go. Then with a jolt my lung forces oxygen back into my body. This oppressive weight on my chest, my heart, my soul like carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders the sadness is crushing. Becoming overwhelming, heavier, squeezing tighter, tighter…..…….

This frog of little brain is getting very weary.

((((Kebs)))))

is hard to carry the weight of the world for a froggie ... do they serve crunchy bugs at the parties?

dont try to carry too much world... gravity and such helps to keep it in place...

its cold in winter for froggies... the Spring is coming ...

You ain't heavy, you're our froggie! Like Cyran0 says, let us carry you along for a bit; rest on us.

I will always be with you
We are now as one
I have hold of you heart
From me you can’t run

Tears bring no comfort
Your soul is now mine
I’ll always be with you
Now and for all of time

The pills won’t cure you
Words don’t sink in
Go ahead keep on trying
But I’ll always win

I am constantly watching
You know I am near
In your weakest moments
I whisper softly, only you hear

You’re mine now I have you
There is no way out
You can’t defeat me
Try calling out

I’ll squeeze ever tighter
There is no where to go
From now to forever
Only sadness you know

Kebs, I wonder what would happen if you just stopped pretending? Let them see your pain and let it be their problem to deal with it. If your not up to maintaining the facade, well, not maintaining it is better than not being.

And if you'd rather be dead than struggle, please go straight to the nearest emergency room. Don't pass go, don't collect two hundred dollars. This is the illness trying to take your life away from you and that requires emergency treatment.

I know, I know, what can they do? Adjust meds, talk, and so on. But hey, you'd get out of the house and could take a break from life for awhile.

Cyran0

Frog Fudgies: http://www.wisconsincheeseman.com/Fr...s-P790C68.aspx

I'm not sure quite how to express how much your posts mean to me. I re-read them over and over for the warmth, comfort and chuckles they provide.

Yesterday was particularly difficult. My T squeezed me in between clients for an emergency session. I think she realized I either see her or become friends with a light pole at 80 mph. If nothing else her canned phrases straight from psychology 101 served as a distraction.

I don't seem to be able to gain any pleasure (I'm not sure that is the right word) from life. The struggle to make it through even just one more day so difficult.

I'm not sure how or why. I don't know when. But at some point death moved from being feared and final to welcomed peace and release.

I'm a 19th century person, in a 20th century body, living in a 21st century world. Like the one guy in the marching band who is on his left foot when everyone else is on their right. Out of step with those around me. Unable to cope.

No Crayn0, I will not adopt you.

> Out of step...

Welcome.

Kebsfroggy - I understand. I understand the pain. You aren't alone. I am trying to find peace in my world also.
You say " My decisions are what put me into this pit." We can make different decisions. I have. Not all work out the way I want and accepting defeat is not easy for me. I learned I have to care for myself first - not easy for me to put me first - rarely ever have I done that (part of my bad decisions). I am learning I am worth it - I try and comfort me the way I would comfort someone else - I deserve the best I give to others too.
I have the pill routine too - morning, noon, dinner, bedtime everyday 24/7.
I hate my disease and what happens to me in my head and in my emotions. But then there are people like you - and PsychCentral - and I can go forward one day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time. I hate being fed up and tired - I don't fight it anymore - just wait it out until it runs it's course - I refuse to give up and give in to this disease - I am bigger than my disease - and so are you - so are all of us. I won't be defind by my illness. I am a worthwhile human being who happens to be ill.
I hope my rant helped some. Please hang in there. You are a wonderful froggy with a beautiful heart. The world needs what only you have to give it.
{{Hugs}} Froggy,
Starfishblue

checking in. (((((kebsfroggy))))

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kebsfroggy said:
No Crayn0, I will not adopt you.

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Oh, ouch, the rejection of it all!

Well, you're still my favorite frog anyway.

Cyran0

((((((((((((kebsfroggy))))))))

Stay with us. Your posts have given me joy when I had no joy left. I could not imagine not getting to read and share posting answers with you. How best can I say I care about you, other then sending hugs and warm thoughts your way.

Why does this spiral keep going down? Constantly downward never ending. Oh please make it stop.

Thoughts racing, confusion, keep moving, can't stop. Why is this happening?

Even good news falls on deaf ears. Nothing matters any more.

I can't stand it, make it stop. Please, please make it stop.

(((((((((Kebs))))))))) its a crazy spin alright... step off the merry-go-round ... its not a fun game when it starts getting too dizzy...

just like the old playground, there's a safe place to go, a teacher to tell... you can have control froggie....

hope today is a good one for you... i know its cliche, and thats why it gets hard to keep repeating, but it can and does get better... focus on the good things... like eliminating mosquitos... and pain, and heartache... you have us as friends.. we're glad to have you with us....

((((((hugs dear Froggie woman)))))

There's a frog on the bump on the log
In the hole in the middle of the sea
There's a frog on the bump on the log
In the hole in the middle of the sea
There's a frog, there's a frog
There's a frog on the bump on the log
In the hole in the middle of the sea

We see you froggy! We're here! We won't let you go. {{{kebsfroggy}}}

froggy

We should stop asking the "why" of things. Oh yes, I know all too well that things having a cause is a thinking pattern but let's just try to challenge it. Things just happen.

It doesn't help uh? I know I know. Just meaning taht I care for you.

Kebs, thanks for all your kind thoughts this weekend. That you were there for me when you're in your own hell means a lot. And thanks for saying you'd adopt me. You don't have to, it's just nice to know you would.

I know neither of us knows what to do about this crap, but I'm thinking of you nonetheless.

Cyran0

when someone asks "what do you want for Christmas?" what do you say. What do you say when the only thing that comes to mind is "I want to die".

Nothing is important, nothing matters. I don't want to wake up again to tears in my eyes and sobs on my lips. The demon twisting this knife in my chest just may win.

I find myself having to move, keep going, doing something, anything to keep busy. God forbid I stop for any reason for then the feelings and tears come flooding back with a vengeance. Logic and reason head straight for the toilet.

I'm very fortunate to have yall (southern for "you all") as friends. Your friendship and concern means a lot to me.
You all have been very kind.

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kebsfroggy said:
when someone asks "what do you want for Christmas?" what do you say. What do you say when the only thing that comes to mind is "I want to die".

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I lie. But another option is to disclose only a small part of the depression. Something like, "to be in a better mood." But your point is well taken and there's no real answer. I guess, hence the lying.

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I find myself having to move, keep going, doing something, anything to keep busy. God forbid I stop for any reason for then the feelings and tears come flooding back with a vengeance. Logic and reason head straight for the toilet.

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This is EXACTLY where I've been for the past two days. A careful observer can actually track how many breaks I've taken by counting my visits to PC. Otherwise, I'm in motion, like I'm running for my life.

And do to my southern friends, y'all has made it into my vocabulary. Only problem is, when a white boy in Minnesota says it, it's pitiful and sad and is best to be avoided.

As a wise frog recently said to me, hold on. Hold on, Kebs.

Cyran0