Pure O (of OCD) turning into depression

For close to my whole life, I have had moderate to severe OCD, including what they call "Pure O", or just ruminations without rituals. Although I often have rituals as well.

However, since Christmas, I felt quite depressed and ruminating about my social/dating life, or better said, lack thereof. I was increasing my self-esteem and self-confidence prior to Christmas, but now my ruminations about having no girlfriend plus no friends at all is occupying perhaps 40 seconds of each minute. I feel a lot of self-shame. It is not as intense as my depression between age 23-25, when I was also very sad about my lack of girlfriend plus friends, and I lost a third of my body weight (80 kg --> 55 kg) because I lost my appetite from depression about this topic. When I used to think a lot about it, I would feel like I had an upset stomach.

Right now I think that the OCD is intertwined with my sad feelings. Has anyone had this combination of OCD, especially Pure O, into depressive feelings?

Oh . . . I didn't know this kind of OCD existed. I probably have it. I always thought I had OCD tendencies and germ/poop phobia without it being clinincal because I don't do the rituals, but I might disinfect something that got soiled by a pet and then go back and disinfect it a couple more times because I'm anxious I didn't get it clean enough.

I do have a problem ruminating and I didn't know that was OCD. Worrying does something's give me an upset stomach so that I lose my appetite. And right now I'm really depressed because the house is really dirty and I can't clean it as fast as soemone else gets it dirty.

The thing about not having a girlfriend is hard because worrying about it makes it harder to get and keep a girlfriend. It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's better to be alone than with the wrong person, so Inhope you find someone suitable eventually and try not to rush into anything. People who have relationships just for the sake of having it, often end up very unhappy or exploited. I hope you find the right person soon.

Returning to disinfect stuff sounds like classic OCD, but the ruminating alone without rituals is Pure O.

Ruminating over and over and just plain worrying can be unsettling, yes. The upset stomach and/or indigestion that I get often happens when I keep ruminating.

It is true that it can be a bad cycle, rumination leads to having a depressed attitude and it makes it hard in dating. It just hurts each time I think about it, and then I think about it more an analyse it again. Thinking of how up to now I am basically behind everyone else. I ruminate about it, and then I fall more into depression. More indigestion. It is a pain.

I just took the depression quiz (the one with 18 questions), and I scored a 68. And I think that this is probably mostly linked to my recent ruminations.

Sorry you're feeling this way. I do agree with MrsA though that it is better to be alone than in a bad relationship. I have realized this and am single. Hold out for someone good.

Yes, it is better to be alone than in a bad relationship. It is just that being alone in itself is soul-crushing sometimes.

As 2020 starts this Wednesday, maybe things will be better. I hope.

Wow, I didn't know that. Thanks for the information!

I wish you didn't have to be sad. I think I've become so depressed that no one wants to know me anymore. I wish there was a way to stop the vicious cycle. I've pretty much tried to go back to pretending everything's fine around people.

Do you have any interests or hobbies to help keep you occupied? Or maybe focus on ways to become more attractive to a girlfriend like working out or experimenting with new personal grooming products. Do you play any musical instruments? The thing that makes a guy attractive is if they seem very confident and aren't pursuing me. Maybe you can figure out a way to attract girls by working on your external image or skills so you have a proactive way to divert energy from ruminating.

You might even consider dating someone slightly older than you (but not if you will become too dependant on them). People can be overly critical of peers who are the same age. Whatever shortcomings you think you have won't seem as bad to someone older than you. You might gain some experience and when you are a bit older, you might become more confident and attractive to people of your age.

Yes, I do have a few hobbies to keep me occupied. But even so, my hobbies are solitary. When I am immersed in my hobbies I can feel in the back of my mind a certain loneliness. Studying stuff like foreign languages at home is not a social activity, so perhaps one of the problems is that women do not even see me in the first place. Often they do not know that I exist.

Personally I did like older women. They seem more mature in thinking, which is logical. I do notice that ones my age or younger seem to be more judgemental, on average. Perhaps dating for example a 60-something year old is not really ideal, but mid to late 30s or even 40s maybe.

Yes. 30-40 mght work. I'm glad you have hobbies. I like solitary hobbies too and study a lot on my own. But when my family insult me for not having as many friends as they do, that is the only time I actually feel lonely.

I really hope you find a nice girlfriend soon. You will probably have a better chance with the nerdy type because they will appreciate things like your language skills. Do you know any places to meet more intellectual people?

Maybe you can do your studying at libraries or cafes. I had a stranger ask me out at a library once but I said no because I don't go out with complete strangers. If a girl sees you several times in the same place, and maybe say hi casually, they are more likely to feel comfortable going on a date with you eventually.

30-40 is more suitable for me than 21-30. The latter age group seem to be very different from me, despite being close in age.

I do hope as well that I find a girlfriend. I do not think that it is gloating to say that I do not believe that I am not the unwanted, ugly guy that I have for most of my life believed to be.

I could try cafés perhaps, but really people do not use libraries as much. Especially here, people read books online rather in on paper. I would have to think hard about that one.

As New Year is just arrived, I feel a certain sadness yet a certain relief. The pain of the last decade, plus my 20s, is no longer. A new year and a new decade. I can start anew. I really do hope that luck turns around in life this new year.

Just this morning I had caught some sort of nasal viral infection. I became so depressed, that it affected me and my immune system probably got substantially lowered. I really do not think that I deserve to keep having my health destroyed like this due to low self-esteem and feeling depressed due to being single.

Happy New Year! I hope you feel better and get over your infection soon.

Happy New Year to you too. I have taken quite a lot of zinc, just in case. Hopefully it shortens the duration and symptoms.

I would like to say Happy New Year to a future girlfriend. I guess that I would not know who or where she is right now.

Yes, I have Pure O and it definitely turns into depression, which further fuels the ruminations. My therapist said ruminating is essentially a compulsion for me. Have you tried ERP or other therapy for the OCD? I have found working on mindfulness to be helpful. It helps me to catch myself when I am ruminating and redirect myself to focusing on the present.

I remember in 2015 when my OCD and Pure O reached seriously high levels, I looked around for OCD specialised therapists. Since I still have very bad health insurance, I would have to pay in full. If I remember correctly, at that time in 2015, it was $140 per session.

So since then I basically have skipped talking to a therapist in sessions.

WePow posted this link to some helpful worksheets. I'll repost it here. So many people have lousy insurance that doesn't cover mental health, even though it has such an impact on physical health and can even claim lives.

Getselfhelp.co.uk Free Downloads - CBT worksheets & leaflets

I hope some of these can help. Here's to a happier and healthier new year, and new decade, for all of us!

Thanks for that. I am having a terrible time right now. My only OCD resource so far has been an OCD workbook that I had bought at a bookstore in 2015.