I feel like I am slipping....

I'm sorry, wanna talk?

I don't know yet.

<font color=red>~</font color=red><font color=blue>S</font color=blue><font color=green>u</font color=green><font color=blue>n</font color=blue><font color=green>d</font color=green><font color=blue>a</font color=blue><font color=green>n</font color=green><font color=blue>c</font color=blue><font color=green>e</font color=green><font color=red>~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

I was triggered pretty bad last week ... not sure exactly what it was but thoughts of the ex kept coming to me..... Not good thoughts or images at all.

I'm been down in the dumps because i'm feeling worthless, that I have too much baggage, I am not making anyone happy. My BF has been snappy at me from time to time and had a big talk with him over MSN tonight, don't know if that issue is resolved. He didn't call and say goodnight, which is a first in a long time, not even a message. Heard the phone ring about 30mins ago and was happy to know he called, but didn't. I think he's tired tonight.

My mood is always shifting. I'm trying to keep busy, but have nothing really to do at this time. I have tried to look for a job but my anxiety keeps getting in the way. I know my BF is disappointed in me .... I know he's frustrated with me, he said that I don't really have a life, and he's right I don't.

I'm just not doing good right now.. I want to give up.

<font color=red>~</font color=red><font color=blue>S</font color=blue><font color=green>u</font color=green><font color=blue>n</font color=blue><font color=green>d</font color=green><font color=blue>a</font color=blue><font color=green>n</font color=green><font color=blue>c</font color=blue><font color=green>e</font color=green><font color=red>~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

You can't give up, Sundance. You've got too much going for you. A rest is allowed, though.

It's really a tough thing to do, but what has helped me in the past is to talk it out or to write it out. Get it all out there. You can rip up the paper after you've exhausted yourself and throw it away. I've never been able to do that, though. I've gone back and re-read what I wrote and it never fails that I'm amazed at how far I've come. Sometimes I even laugh at myself. That helped me especially when thoughts and memories of my ex were really bothering me.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Sundance}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

((((((Sundance)))))
Please try to hang in there hun. I know that stuff is probably hard for you right now, but we are here.

Jessica

"Take these chances. Place them in a box until a quieter time..." ~DMB

Thanks SeptemberMom

I'm just frustrated, I had a horrible night last night. Trying to understand why my BF was always snippy with me he said because I'm around all the time. I don't do anything but sit around I never go out. Which is true. I've been out everyday this week still.

I don't know now that i'm home and not doing anything my mood is going to start dropping, I know it.

I do write when i'm depressed, write in my journal ect.. My psychiatrist is away on vacation right now but i'm keeping notes so I can bring them into my next session on the 13th. Just not very happy....

<font color=red>~</font color=red><font color=blue>S</font color=blue><font color=green>u</font color=green><font color=blue>n</font color=blue><font color=green>d</font color=green><font color=blue>a</font color=blue><font color=green>n</font color=green><font color=blue>c</font color=blue><font color=green>e</font color=green><font color=red>~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

<div class="foot">(Edited by sundance on 09/01/04 02:56 PM.)</div>

I think I'm joining you in the fall...hmmm, no pun intended. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Sundance}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

So sorry you are feeling down, Sundance. Hugs, hugs.

Sorry ((((((((((((((((((((Sundance))))))))))))))))))))))), I did agree with your comment; You dont take your own adivce. HMMMM; we all do that, its easier to help others. You have helped others so much in here, now we are here for you.

Get some rest and I hope you feel better soon.

AND YOUR NOT ALLOWED TO GIVE UP!!!! You are way to special; just remember that okay.

Love justy

I'm going to try and not give up, it's just hard sometimes, my mood is all over the charts, my psychiarist isn't even around this week.

I'm just really really frustrated!!!

And mad at me.

<font color=red>~</font color=red><font color=blue>S</font color=blue><font color=green>u</font color=green><font color=blue>n</font color=blue><font color=green>d</font color=green><font color=blue>a</font color=blue><font color=green>n</font color=green><font color=blue>c</font color=blue><font color=green>e</font color=green><font color=red>~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

((((((((((((((((((((((Sundance))))))))))))))))))))))))))) if okay

Please don't be mad at yourself, Sundance. One thing I've noticed reading other's submits to this list is how often we depressives beat up on ourselves for things that other people take in stride as a normal part of being human.

And yes, like you, I find it much easier to notice what is going on with others than with myself.

This is a new day as I write this. I hope there is some joy in it for you. Sometimes just little things cheer me up, for example, the friendly greeters at Walmart who are on their feet so many hours a day, yet always have a smile and a kind hello when I go there.

Peace, blessings, hugs.

i'm feeling abit better toady, still disapoitnted in me, I can take my own advise, but not all of it

Alot of thinking last night, all to do with triggers.... I hate my thoughts when they get like that, but its so hard to reverse them sometimes.

<font color=red>~</font color=red><font color=blue>S</font color=blue><font color=green>u</font color=green><font color=blue>n</font color=blue><font color=green>d</font color=green><font color=blue>a</font color=blue><font color=green>n</font color=green><font color=blue>c</font color=blue><font color=green>e</font color=green><font color=red>~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

<font color="brown">Everything is up and down this week has been rough. I've had bouts of depression and my lightbox is at home and i've been here at my BFs house since Saturday. Today is better because it's hot and sunny, but there were times that felt like I was slipping away, crying, feeling worthless, then thinking about the abuse, rape and sexual assualts... just hasn't been a good week for me, not to mention stress with finding a job that i'm scared to get... It's getting to be very frustrating. </font>

I defintly feel myself dropping away today. when will the let up? It hasn't in 8 yrs?

I hate myself right now, Everything sucks.

I'm sorry, Sundane. The length of your depression must be awful for you. ((((Sundance))))

I feel so horrible tonight, I feel like crying I know the reasons why, some of the reasons I don't know.............

I did my lightbox this morning, maybe i gotta get under it longer.

I managed some pity-pot tears today. "I pushed myself so hard to get things done this week, now I'm wrung out, life's so unfair," yadda yadda. Fortunately, I was driving and couldn't indulge too long. Not saying yours are "pity pot" tears. Just mine.

I moved to Florida bec. I couldn't take the gray days of the NE. I hope you find something that works for you, Sundance.

Last night for me was worse then before. I didn't go out with my friend, my BF and my friend's BF to a bar/club last night because I was feeling bad, alot of anxiety and panic attacks last night.

Last night I cried, this morning I cried. I didn't get to bed until afer 2am waiting to hear from my BF had my bags packed ready to go. Tried phoning his cell, text messaged him and nothing. I didn't get a hold of him until almost 2... and he said he saw that I phoned but the place was loud and didn't call back.

I am not cool with that, because it's bullsh*t. He could have taken 2 seconds just to say he was still there. What if I was having a panic attack and I said to him if i phone you and can't get a hold of you to check the phone and call me back. Well he did and didn't call me back.

I needed him last night and he wasn't there for me.

Now i'm going to cry again.

((((((((((((((((((((sundance))))))))))))))))))))

((((((((Sundance)))))))))

Everything with me and my BF are better.

However my mood hasn't changed much, i've had some up times but more down times then anything.

Might be doing a medicaton change, I'll write more about that in the meds thread.

I'm just mentally worn out.

((((Sundance))))
I am so sorry that things have been rough for you lately. Depression for years and years is so draining. Especially when it seems like there is no end in sight. I wish I knew what to say, but lately I have been struggling for the right answers.

Stay strong,
Jessica

Thanks Jessica.

I've been suffering from this, all of this for 8 yrs when I think something is going good it all goes to hell again. I'll never see an end to this, depression wise. Might be the same with anxiety and PTSD.

Argh, It just seems hopeless.

Still down today. Meh the weather did not help AT ALL it was couldy and rainy all day.. grey and blah.

I did my lightbox again this morning for about 20mins.
Then my BF came to get me and we ran around and did some errands then came back here for turkey supper since we didn't get to do it with my parents over the weekend.

I was feeling better, then got triggered!!!!!

But i'm not comfortable talking about it.

ARGH