Depression Vent Room for Misfits

I'm doing ok at this moment. Good luck & best wishes to everybody!

Breaking Dawn and Deilla... I'm sorry to read you've been having such difficult times recently. I'm not here on MSF a lot anymore. (Occasionally I stop by to reply to threads in the Games forum.) I find myself strangely alienated from a place I used to consider my on-line home.

I seem to lack the energy, as well as the motivation, to participate in any meaningful way. I'd move on to another site. But it wouldn't be different. I guess there's a time for everything. And my time to be an active on-line forum member perhaps now has passed? I don't know. None-the-less, I'll still be around. Best wishes to all misfits...

Dear @Skeezyks, I feel sad about you feeling the way you do now. I know things are not like they were. I was hoping you could create your own archive type of system so you could keep that hat you wore before. If you really can't, then I guess all we can do is wish something else comes along that will fill the void for you. You so much deserve that. Bless your heart. And give your sweet doggy a hug for me, ok? Hug, hug, hug!!

Maybe inspiration could strike months and months from now. Glad you are still a member at PC. When I was new to PC in 2016 (my old username was Mysterious plus a number I can't remember )--you were the first one who welcomed me here and you also gave me a lot of good advice via links. So I will always appreciate that and love when you check in occasionally. I don't post or message much lately either. I can only post effectively when the mood strikes me. Please don't pressure yourself in anyway. Love you whether you post or not. You are a very kind person from my POV!

I am not entitled to feel as depressed as I am. The sun is shining. I have so much. I am so unhappy due to the marriage I can’t get to feel good and fulfilling to me no matter how I ask for it for decades until I am blue in the face. I can’t stand how my son simply emotionally abandoned me the moment he left for college (I now realize it started then). I am so sad how horribly the relationship with my mother is ending and her life is ending, and knowing that she was grooming me to provide for her financially and emotionally and I am not going to do that because she is a vampire. I hate how I thought I had a great sister for over 50 years, but she turned on a dime and discarded me. I hate these uneasy feelings. I used to dream that one day I would get away from these people, going somewhere on my own, and make my own life and be happy. But now I feel I am just too anxious and depressed and I will never make myself happy because I guess I am just a severely depressed person with MDD, or whatever (unspecified mood disorder, official diagnosis)

Dear Friends, though you are all away , I don’t know your face and names I share my most intimate feelings and thoughts. And as always the depressive / burned out case that I am, always writes same stuff, my pdoc says is comfortable to be in the darkness, and scary to go out into the world and light again thinking you are entitled to life. But every time I go out and fight in the world there is never easy and I can last a few rounds not as much as Rocky could. Damn hard! I wonder my tan looking skin used to get me so many dates in the past, now I am object to racism at its most riped state living in lala Japan land. I m so glad that Ghons got away the way he did. I’m still here because my kids are here and my J ex wife does not allow me to see them, though I am hoping that I see them soon.


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Dear @captaineo, I'm crying after reading your post. I wish that things get better for you. Please stay with us & we all can help each other, ok? Take good care!

Thank you my friend, I am keeping my chin up, still fighting a good fight trying to do my best. But some days are just tough. I am fighting my battles internal and external like all of you. Blessings and I am sticking around. Thank you so much for your kind message

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I received some awful news about a family member and stage 4 cancer. I'm very upset. I may try to go to bed early.

I produced a pretty cool EDM song and recently worked with a female vocalist on adding lyrics. We just finished the song and had it professionally mastered. Up to industry standards. I shared it with my mom. All she did was criticize it. She must not like EDM songs or understand them. I'm trying not to let it bother me. She didn't have to criticize. She didn't even say, "Good job." or anything positive. I was in a good mood until that happened. I just can't share anything with my family. I would never do that to my daughter.

Dear @Deilla, my guess is that your mother is jealous of your talents, which translates into resentment of you, & hurtful responses to you. Of course that's going to hurt you a lot. If you tried to tell her how much this hurts you, she would probably say she does'nt know what you're talking about & blame you for everything. Maybe she is broken, maybe from something you don't even know about? Anyway, please don't let her steal your joy away from you when you are expressing your beautiful & talented self.

@Breaking Dawn, thank you for your kind words. I'm feeling better about it. My therapist likes my song and already I have 11 views on YouTube. Some of my songs don't get that much after being up for months. So I feel good about this.

Dear Deilla, you must never let anyone criticizing not even your mother dictate what you think or feel about your song. I have my own trauma for very different reason. But I am dead certain about this, never let what other people think including family get in the middle of what you want. If they do make a workaround, jump over it , but go thru.

I am 46 now and when I wanted to play piano and learn my aunt will tell me at the age of 11 that I was too late to learn and that I should give up on that dream. That impacted me, there are toxic people in family and strangers and good people also otherwise. But is ultimately you have the freedom to choose what you do and think about your work.

Many hugs , and love from me. You are all my friends and family fighting this depression sickness keep well

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I'm so glad for you!! I wish I could give you a hug for real!

Thank you, dear friend, for speaking this way! You are helping all of us. I'm in tears with thankful emotion.

I felt great Sunday but come Monday I wanted to rest so much to escape everything and everybody. Then I lashed out tonight because I couldn't seem to help one brother of mine find his tool. He didn't find it until after I had gotten into a rather nasty argument. I think at times that I would like to leave a world that doesn't seem to want me.

I hope all are doing well. I am very sad these days. I can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel.

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I'm so sorry things are this dark for you. I do have a light at the end of my tunnel & I wish that for you.

@modestlychee6463 I hope you are feeling at least a bit better than you were when you posted this & that you will be able to see a light at the end of your tunnel.

I am feeling better than when I vented here this last time. I had to get away from the place once again. Being able to visit with other family members helped.

Yesterday, I needed someone to talk to because I did self-harm. I tried talking to my mother. All she could do was defend some guru that had upset me and triggered the incident. She didn't care about me or try to understand my feelings. She acted like I insulted her. How f-ing hateful. My mother is useless. I have no one I can talk to.

I'm sorry you got this response from your mother. Although our circumstances are, no doubt, entirely different, I know something about having no one to talk to. It hurts...

Yes, it's hard when we need to talk but no one is there. Or no one is compassionate enough. I get to talk to my therapist once a week. So I'm grateful for that.

I'm so sorry. Your mother is supposed to be your rock.

I'm sad today because I have so much to do and I don't have the energy for it. Every little thing wears me out. Just to get something to drink wears me out. I am currently dehydrated. I have been since yesterday. I think my new meds have raised my blood sugar. I will have to check it later this morning. I think that is why I am so tired and don't feel well.