Feeling hopeless and lost

Thanks. Yes writing here helps. But some people have said negative things about me too, not on this forum, but another chatroom. So I feel a bit skeptical.

I was in a lot of physical pain today. Was forced to take several painkillers as I was unable to tolerate the pain. Plus the oxygen in my brain dropped again which made me feel exhausted and drowsy. Now it is past 8pm here in India. Hope the rest of the day goes well.
Still feeling anxious about the future.

i hope your pain stops soon, mimi

Thank you so so much.
Y'day I felt so helpless that I cried out aloud. Is my future as bleak as my present?

I'm am sorry to hear that, I hope you can ignore people who behave in unappropriate way on the internet
Chatrooms can be toxic and confusing

I hope you are feeling a bit better

Thanks, I'm not better but sick with fever and other symptoms. On antibiotics. Feeling very weak and faint.
Hope you are doing good today.

Today I feel very sad. I fear I may be stuck in India forever with all the physical and mental pains and illnesses. God please give me the strength to accept this and go on....for the sake of my cats if not for anything else. If I die, they will be turned out of the house and die.

I was very sick today from the morning till late afternoon. Physical pain, difficulty breathing, nausea and feeling exhausted probably due to less oxygen in the brain.
Now it is almost 11pm in India. I feel very sad and lonely. Why did it have to be me God? Why?? Why can't I go back to the country I was born in? Why did they abandon me?
God please help me to accept my fate, which I can't at this moment.

mimi is loved lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots

Thank you 😪

Please don't judge me by what I am posting here today. I just cannot tolerate the pain and suffering any more. I am trying to reach out to people in the hope of getting a little bit of sympathy which may help me to survive in my loveless world just a little more. Please do not block me or kick me out of this forum like they did on another chatroom. PLEASE.

https://twitter.com/mimibhaduri/stat...0zLMqeYn5N2ohA
https://twitter.com/mimibhaduri/stat...v3OCN66QKXWzkw
https://twitter.com/mimibhaduri/stat...CF4S98WMGzH81g

No way, Mimi! We understand & want to help you! You matter greatly! Hug, hug, hug! God bless you, dear Mimi!

Thank you Breaking Dawn. I am truly grateful. I'm crying right now. Thanks again.

PS :
I messaged some journalists both in the uk and the usa on Twitter hoping that maybe a few of them will take up my cause. But they all blocked me on Twitter. I realized it's a very cruel world. So I was worried to post here too, but I went with it anyway.

It does seem that way sometimes. Maybe something out there has been cruel to them & hardened them? Let's not let that happen to us. Thank goodness we have these forums here where we can support each other & be safe.

Yeah. Please don't ever abandon me from this forum. Please. I just have no one else.

mimi we will never abandon you

Thanks much willowtigger.

https://twitter.com/mimibhaduri/stat...Rifibv6kn9P0Uw

I'm glad you're feeling better today.

Thanks Lara. How have you been? Have a great weekend.

mimi is the most amazingest mimi in the whole of the universe

The oxygen supply to my brain is better and the physical pain is much less. So I am definitely better. But I am getting a series of several mild to moderate panic attacks throughout the day.

Strangely these panic attacks make me feel very very lonely and make me want to return to USA desperately. I hope I pray that I can go back to USA some day soon. I have so many dreams which I can't fulfill here in India as I am always sick here. The doctors here can't help me beyond prescribing me psych meds(which make me groggy and fat and slow) and antibiotics and antihistamines.

Please God make my wish come true. I have been waiting and waiting to hear from the usa government....please make it happen this time. I have spent the best productive years of my youth(22 y.o. to 30 y.o.) in India just doing nothing as I was very sick. I am still sick.

Please help me God.

My ex Indian American boyfriend Srijan Chatterjee and his people are virtually torturing me since today morning. They are virtually inserting pins and needles in my nose and eyes causing sneezing, watery eyes and nose and a lot of pain. They are also hurting my lungs and making it difficult for me to breathe. I took antihistamine pills and used the inhaler a few times, but still there has not been any significant relief. The oxygen supply to my brain is also less today making me feel tired.
Please help me God.

PS: My ex Indian American boyfriend Srijan Chatterjee and his elder brother Gautam Chatterjee had come to India with me in 2014. They used to work for the US defense department, but as they came to India they started threatening the US government and the west. And they started torturing me virtually. I agree it is way better than being tortured face to face like the unfortunate Ukrainian soldiers are, but still I have been through hell for years now and I find it hard to take it any more. I can't complain against them to the police or the Indian government bc they have links with people at the top and I may land in prison if I complain against them in India.

So my only refuge is the US government. The US government does help me probably by hacking their systems but I wish they could help me more. And I wish they would take me back to usa soon.

Btw my us passport and papers including my ssn card, birth certificate etc are with my ex Indian American boyfriend and he has refused to hand them over to me. So I need a duplicate passport to go back to usa on my own. The US government probably wanted me to stay in India for some more time for which they did not issue me a duplicate passport. But it's been a while and now I desperately want to return to my homeland. Yes it's true that my biological parents and some of my people are based in India, but I was born and brought up in usa and it is very hard for me to adapt to this life in India.

My ex Indian American boyfriend Srijan Chatterjee, his elder brother Gautam Chatterjee
and their people are virtually inserting pins and needles in my nose, eyes and face since today morning. As the day progresses the severity of their attacks is increasing. If I can't bear the pain any more, I am already feeling that I almost can't, I will have to take an ativan to pass out.
God help me.