[zapatoes]

Just want to sleep better since sometimes fall asleep on the couch and usually don’t sleep that well. I’m glad spring will soon be here since getting outside helps my mood and outlook to improve.

[Sunflower123]

I’m getting ready to meet my daughter halfway between where she lives and my home. We’ll meet at the Cracker Barrel for breakfast and to visit. I’m looking forward to seeing her.

I’m still in pain over the break up but I guess that is normal and will just take time. One great thing that came out of it was that my sister and I are talking and planning on doing things together. She’s been a big support. Even though I hurt, I’d do it again. I truly loved the guy. It just wasn’t meant to be.

I hope everyone has a peaceful Sunday.

A mixed day today with its ups and downs. The ups seemed stronger than the downs, so that's good. First the downs: I did some job searching and got one offer but it didn't feel right to me. Like I said earlier, I'm not crazy about going back to work, though I feel that my retirement is getting a bit old. And I filled up my car this morning and couldn't believe the price of gas! I had never seen it that high before. The good: I got my tax refunds in my bank early this morning. It came much sooner than I thought. And I finally got my W-2 in the mail today but it's irrelevant now since I got my taxes already taken care of.

Also my brother called me yesterday and we had a pretty good talk. He and I were never that close.

I'm still feeling puzzled as to what should I do for the near future. I have all kinds of options but its making my head spin.

[Sunflower123]

I don’t feel pain anymore. Just a lingering sense of sadness. Although I initiated the break up, I reached out recently to my ex to see if we could be friends. There’s probably zero chance of that. He has changed his cell phone number and email address as have I. I reached out in 2 places that he would see and if I get no response I’ll move on. We had been best friends for a year before we got involved. I miss that friendship most of all. Life is tough sometimes but I am a strong woman and a survivor. I’ll be okay.

I hope activities planned for each day this week to help me move along and therapy twice a week for now until I can get to a place of peace and happiness.

Hugs to all

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by SprinkL3

@Buffy01 - I hope you feel better soon. (((safe hugs)))

:sadhug:

I been trying to stay busy and validate my feeling for everything that has happen.

An OK day but kind of off. There's construction going on the next street over from me and they are making a lot of noise. For some reason, the construction job was done all of last year and now they are doing it again at the same spot. Strange!

Later this morning I went to a place to apply for a job. I had an invitation by email yesterday to go there today. So when I got there, the receptionist told me that someone will speak to me. It was an "open door" event at that time, so about four people were ahead of me. After a while, I noticed that a couple of others were called in to interview, and they had arrived after me. I figured that it should have been first come first serve. Someone called me, and then when I greeted that person, he said something about a problem getting a room so that he could talk to me. He told me to go back to the waiting area and he'd be with me in five minutes. Well, I waited over 35 minutes and there was no sign that I was going to get called. I told the receptionist that I was leaving and she didn't offer any help. It seemed like that guy, who called me, instantly didn't like me. So that got me down.

I felt better when the day progressed. That job didn't seem meaningful to me anyways.

[regretful]

The loneliness of depression is what gets me the most...even when I'm around people I feel it. I sincerely wish all of you well in your struggle against this invisible monster

[Yours_Truly]

I feel hesitant to jump in to respond to people here, or even give a hug or thanks. I feel like I'm intruding, trespassing.

I'm so happy to be back though, I can't explain it. I noticed earlier today that I was even a bit hyper/happy feeling which made me take note of how long it's been since I've genuinely felt that feeling with complete abandon and without effort.
I've just felt so desperately alone, so abnormal, the outcast with the low self esteem, depression and worsening anxiety.

It's just good to be here, be back, even if I'm still hesitant to engage.

[Yours_Truly]

I feel guilty for not contributing more back four years ago when I first discovered and joined the forum. I didn't know that would occur and then I kept thinking it would get better and easier. Maybe it was, but it was a lot slower going than I thought it would be.

I also feel guilty for leaving for 4 years. Not for having to leave, but for it lasting as long as it did and not returning sooner, or even checking in. I know it wasn't intentional on my part, I didn't plan on not coming back for so long. I had to readjust to the move and the living arrangement. But 4 years! I really don't know where the time went. Just a big ole waste of wallowing in my suffering. Not completely really, but enough.

[T4bbyCat]

Originally Posted by Yours_Truly

I feel guilty for not contributing more back four years ago when I first discovered and joined the forum. I didn't know that would occur and then I kept thinking it would get better and easier. Maybe it was, but it was a lot slower going than I thought it would be.

Same here... I came back after years away on another forum. Things got "better," except not really. In some sense, it's good to see members "graduate" and not need the support anymore, but it's also good to see people remaining and stepping up to be there for others.

[Yzen]

I wonder what will help me. Self-care? Working on relationships? Finding a better job? I feel like improvement is needed in all areas to help my depression.

[Breaking Dawn]

I have things I need to do today. So far I'm putting other things ahead of them. I feel sad off & on, inbetween my deliberate distractions.

feeling crap as always

I hate feeling like this, and like I've discussed in another thread, this (feeling low) is my normal baseline mood.

[Mountaindewed]

My anxiety is good. I'm coping well. My nausea is finally under control by changing my diet. I'm losing weight. Thats all good. But I feel like I'm missing my identity and I feel like a part of me is missing. And I don't feel like myself. I know thats technically true that a part of me is gone. My mom says we shouldn't jump the gun and call my endocronolgist. She wants me to wait a bit. It really hasn't been that long. But when I look in the mirror its almost like I don't recognize myself.

[Pinny]

I feel annoyingly tired despite sleeping 19 hours of the last 24hrs.
I feel cranky, clammy and sweaty and so tired.
I wish I was physically ill to explain my symptoms, this is so s**t

[Rose76]

I still don't feel depressed. So that's good. I just need to push myself to get mire done.

[Rose76]

I'm having a hard time leaving my apartment. I have comfortable N95 masks that I feel reasonably safe wearing. It's not fear of COVID. I never have suffered from Agoraphobia. I'm not sure what it is. I just don't want to exit my place. Part of the problem is Internet addiction. Also I have the news on constantly. I fear I'm going to miss some important development, if I turn off the TV.

[Breaking Dawn]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I'm having a hard time leaving my apartment. I have comfortable N95 masks that I feel reasonably safe wearing. It's not fear of COVID. I never have suffered from Agoraphobia. I'm not sure what it is. I just don't want to exit my place. Part of the problem is Internet addiction. Also I have the news on constantly. I fear I'm going to miss some important development, if I turn off the TV.

Dear Rose, I believe you are helping others when you post. Please keep talking here like you have. You have helped me. Thank you!

feeling unimportant

even people in my situation are more important than I am

[Breaking Dawn]

I can't believe that I actually did fulfill a big goal for myself this morning! I have been scolding myself & wishing for this! Oh my goodness, how "little things" sure do mean a lot!

p.s. @raging vortex, you are important to this universe & to the rest of us! All of us need & are important to each other!

[susannahsays]

Things are really not going well for me. And I feel really alone with it and just generally insignificant. I definitely feel like I need a higher level of care, but that's not doable. I am struggling so much and it feels like nothing is ever going to get better. I feel traumatized by experiencing such severe, unrelenting depression for so long. I realize that sounds really dramatic but it's the truth. It's like if I had been in excruciating pain for months and months, only the pain is emotional. I'm traumatized by not just the pain itself but the experience of being unable to lessen it let alone make it stop. I'm terrified because it seems this is just my life now and there's no escape.

[Mountaindewed]

I think I'm more tired then depressed. I woke up really early this morning. Also I drank an iced coffee which I knew not to do yet still did anyways. So my stomach was messed up for a bit. I did dwell slightly on some stuff that happened 2 years ago today and tommorow. But it was the first time I dwelled on them in a long time. Basically I think I'm mainly just tired.

[Yzen]

Whenever I get close to having a conversation about my mental health at work, I heard comments that are so dismissive that I keep my mental struggles to myself. My boss is so unsensitive.

[Deilla]

My online therapist upset me today. I told her I was really depressed. She didn't address it. Even when I said something about it. She just ignored it. I quit therapy. I'm not doing it anymore. I left her a bad review. She's really not helping me.

[Breaking Dawn]

Ups & downs, all the time. I get sad & let myself down (or the other way around) & then I get inspired & pull myself back up. This morning I'm somewhere in the middle on my way up.