[dazzle11215]

Hi everyone, I'm new here. I'm not sure what to tell you, except I was totally flattened by depression over the holidays, it kinda snuck up on me. In the last 18 months my mother passed away, I lost my job, I moved overseas, and now my cat has died. It seems silly to mention how sad I am about my cat but he was the one sweet thing in my life.
I was feeling a bit better this last week (as in not sleeping 20 out of every 24 hours) and finally worked up my nerve to call and make an appointment at the counselling centre in the town nearest me (I live in the countryside)... but the wait list is long... and they can't see me until the end of March. Sigh.... My plan is to just take it day to day and try to hang on until then... I could really use some ideas for getting through these next weeks,
Thanks for listening.
Catherine

[kebsfroggy]

Welcome, glad you decided to join us.

I know there are times when I'm sure someone unbeknown me has painted a bull's eye on my back. It's just one thing after another and I get overwhelmed.

As a frog of little brain, I have no answers. When things get too bad I have to get up and do something. Keep moving, stop thinking kind of thing.

I usually go outside and dig in my yard. Does it help? I don't know but I have a lot of wholes in my backyard.

I'm sure someone will answer your post with some good, helpful advice. That is just not one of my strong points.

[gardenergirl]

Hi dazzle,
I'm so sorry about all of your losses. That sounds really hard. I'm glad you're starting to feel better and that you made the appointment. Waiting that long is tough, but you can get through it. I've recently been in a depression funk, and I'm just starting to feel better, too. One of the most effective things for me has been to try to put some structure in my day since I really don't have much to it right now, and to set achievable but small goals for each day. I've been amazed at how much better I feel with this. It's nice to feel competent when I've been feeling so slug-like and ineffective for weeks. I'm also making a big effort to get up at the same time everyday, and I do light therapy in the a.m. This has helped me get a bit better with my sleep patterns, because I also sleep way longer when I'm depressed. That feeds the feeling useless and slug-like, too, since I'm literally not up long enough to accomplish much.

I guess I'd recommend trying to focus on self-care, including giving yourself credit for doing even the little things; the routine things. And talk to others about your feelings about your mom, your cat, your job, etc. if it feels safe. Cry if you need to. Try to get some exercise and fresh air when you can. And be patient with yourself.

Good luck!

gg

[dazzle11215]

Thanks for the support. I'm freelancing at the moment, which means no train to catch, no office to go to... no boss to report to... well, you get the picture. I do most of my work on the computer. Truth be told, I've been in my pj's for 3 days now, so I think the first thing on for tomorrow morning will be to shower-dress-get outside for some fresh air. Ugh. It seems a bit much but I guess it's one foot in front of the other.

C.

[gardenergirl]

Yep, I know what you mean. Unless I have an outside appt., I'm often in my pjs all day, or at the very least, sweats. I feel sorry for my husband when my hair starts crying out to be washed. That's one sign that I'm really, truly depressed again--if I don't clean myself up everyday.

Enjoy the air tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you.

gg

[dazzle11215]

thx everyone. well, i made it outside today! it was actually pretty scary, my heart was pounding. i felt that everyone could "see through" me... that they could see how absolutely vulnerable and tired i'm feeling. but i did it. i showered, dressed, and went out the door. had to mail a form back to the counselling center to get a place on their waiting list, so got that into the postbox. i've made it one more day and each day i get through gives me that little bit more hope that i will survive this.

[Fuzzybear]

Congrats on going outside even though you were feeling scared and vulnerable! And welcome!

[mrsmoggles]

WTG!!!! it will be alright, another day gone and you did something scary!! I hope the days get better and better till going out the door you can do without thinking...all subconcious like..ughh I am not making too good a sense...just whoooo hooo happy dance for ya!!! ~ melanie

[curley]

Catherine, you certainly have had your share of grief. And it is not at all silly to mention your cat. My cat is the love of my life! I am sorry for your loss.
You really need to have some fun and some good laughs! I do not know what there is to do in the town near your home. I would try to find some fun activities. Maybe some plays or theater. I know that planting flowers and plants always makes me feel very good. Giving life even in your garden is a healthy activity. If you have any friends locally go for a ride a picnic. Get out of your house, it will help you get out of your head. It is not easy to push yourself to go out but I think it would help. Im sorry you have had to deal with so much especially in such a short time. Life does not always seem fair, But I I am glad you are seeking help! Things will get better for you I know. Keep smiling it will help you through your days!

Hi and welcome....((((((hugs))))))

You made it outside and made that call....I have to admire you. Takes me all my time to get out cos I'm scared too....I know this may sound a bit soon and it wont replace your beloved cat, but have you thought about another of even a dog to get you out and about? i dont mean to sound harsh because I have lost pets myself, they are all different and each will find a place in your heart....You sound like a strong person to me, having made these decisions and acted on them ie calling your help centre.....

Good luck and just think about maybe another pet, they sure help to heal and make you feel good.....

Best of luck, pm me anytime, Jinnyann xxxxxx

[dazzle11215]

Thanks for your encouragement, everyone. I didn't make it out of the house yesterday, but I showered, LOL... I can't believe it's come to this, celebrating such tiny steps! I live in a little cottage here in Ireland, no front yard as such but I do have space for a window box and it's always warm and raining... flowers grow like crazy. I think this can be this week's project, starting a little window garden out front.

March seems so far away, but at least I reached out for some help, part of me wants to fight this depression, and part of me wants to just give up. I can't tell you how much my heart was pounding when I called the counselling center. I picked up the phone, then hung up, then picked it up again, then hung up, at least 20 times. Got an answering machine! But left my number and they called back... Phew.

Thanks again, I'm really glad to have found this place

[mrsmoggles]

I am glad you found us too!!! Ireland, eh??!! That is awesome, though I am sure it isn't to you cause it is normal...But now I can say I talked to someone in Ireland hehe. OKOK I am weird, but oh well, it takes all kinds to make the world go 'round. A garden is fabulous fun...I am far from a green thumb, I can't grow orchids, well one flowered, the oncidium...but I LOVE succulents and cacti!!!They are hard to kill!!! So when I am feeling down or can't get out there, a little neglect won't hurt!!!

I hope you enjoy yourself doing that, it is so calming. I like to sing to my plants occassionally. Some believe it makes a difference...I am a believer since in my first marriage every single plant in the house died and it was all the yelling. Now that there isnt any yelling,we are being over run with plants lol...I was used to getting several in hopes one would survive, I need to change my thought process hehe. Anyway, write often and take care and be proud you took the first steps!!!

Melanie

[Cyran0]

dazzle, I just wanted to say welcome to PC. And I'm sure you can tell by the names my spouse and I gave our three boys (Brennan, Kieran, and Roan) that I'm jealous of where you're living. I hope PC helps you and, ya know, if you ever want a house guest...

Cyran0

[mrsmoggles]

lol Cyran0!! Love those names...and ooo sounds like a trip to ireland hehe!!!!
melanie

[CedarS]

I cried so much when my cat was gone.

Taking it day to day sounds like an excellent plan. Congrats on making that appointment too!

[nowheretorun]

sounds like a great little window box

[splitimage]

A window box sounds like a great idea - I plant loads of window boxes in the summer, and find deadheading petunias to be one of the most therapeutic activities on the planet. Someone already mentioned having a routine. I'd second that as being really important. I'm in real trouble if I don't have a routine - the days just pass without me accomplishing anything, and then I feel worse about myslef.

Take care of yourself.

Splitimage

[gardenergirl]

Sounds like you're doing what you can and coming along. Good for you!

gg

[dazzle11215]

Hi everyone, just wanted to give a brief update to those who missed the "I'm working up my nerve to talk to my family doctor" thread... LOL

I went to the family doctor just a little over a week ago. I talked about how low I was feeling, and how much I thought of taking my life. He listened. He was more than a little concerned about me and felt that a March counselling date was just too far off. He gave me an immediate referral to the psych unit at our local hospital, and with a few hiccups, off I went. I wasn't admitted, but have more support now than I ever imagined - some anti-depressants, a regular psych appt, a community mental health nurse who visits me at home twice a week and phones for a chat on the other days. I'm even getting art therapy to help deal with my depression.

Lots of work for me still to do, but I feel that I'm on the path. There have been some good days this week, and some bad ones but I think it will go like that. I'm more hopeful than I've been in some while.

A big thank you to everyone here for your support and advice, it really made a difference. As I said in the other thread, you probably saved my life,

Catherine

[Cyran0]

Catherine, that's wonderful news! Good luck on your journey and do keep us posted as to how you're doing.

Cyran0