Originally Posted by Rose76

Hi @will19. I'm sorry for how you are struggling and feeling like you are struggling in vain. I once read an allegory about the devil. The devil was telling the narrator about the strategies he uses to undermine human beings. He was showing off the various tools he had in his work shed. He pointed to a table and said the tool on that table was his absolute most favorite tool to employ when he wanted to ruin a human life. The tool was labeled "DISCOURAGEMENT." This story resonated with me because I've had a long history of battling depressive episodes, and those episodes tend to be dripping with strong feelings of being very discouraged. I don't think I give up easily. That's what gets so discouraging. If you put in a lot of sustained effort and have little satisfaction to show for it, you get demoralized. I don't know what is the antidote for that, so I'm not offering you any advice. My point is just that discouragement really eats away at a person's soul. I can totally see where "the devil" must get a real kick out of it. I'm not pushing any religious point of view. I'm not into that, and I see the devil as a fictitious character. That's why I describe the story above as an "allegory." It may be a "fable" - like Aesop's fables - but one can find some truth in fables. I did in this one.

Long continued discouragement leads to depression, which tends to make a person not want to get out of bed. (I speak for myself.) But that's not you, Will. I've been so impressed at how you stick to your routine of bike-riding. When you mention going for a long bike ride, I take my hat off to you. I can just see where that would really pi$$ off any devil hoping to own your soul. It's a kind of "win" that you do have. I know you want more from life, and I'm sad that you are deprived of more fulfillment. But know one thing: cruising along for miles on your bike, you are a person who has not surrendered to that inner demon. Cruise on! Frustrate the enemy, and savor the victory.

I took my own bike out of storage and put it on the patio. Needs repair and a tune up . . . maybe new tires. I'll get to it . . . eventually. Kind of cold out right now. I'm so out of shape. I really need the exercise, and not just for my physical health. Sitting here in front of the TV, in my pajamas, I'm letting that devil gain on me. It's time to spit in his face.

Thanks so much, Rose, for your post. Great analogy about the Devil. I'm a Christian and unfortunately it does happen. The Devil can use the "tool" of discouragement on others. The Bible mentions about those who had to battle discouragement; and some of them were heroes. I feel like I put forth efforts to make my life better and then those efforts just didn't pan out. Yep, that's discouragement all right! And then things just happen that's out of my control that I wished wouldn't happen.

I've noticed that you have been struggling lately. Maybe you're still grieving. That takes a lot of time and doesn't heal by itself very quickly. I can relate to your recent posting about someone who is needy. I've been through that a lot from others!

I'm very glad to hear about you taking your bike out and dusting it off so that you can get it to work and ride. Yes, bike riding to clear your head can do wonders. At least it does with me. But also, be careful if you live in an area that's not bicycle friendly. I don't mean to sound conceited but I have been exercising and riding my bike regularly since my early 20's. Recently I have come across two guys older than me who had rarely exercised for themselves for decades. Since I came along for them, they started exercising for themselves.

[Breaking Dawn]

Originally Posted by Rosi700

Am dropping my post here: This has been a day when I wasn't able to use my tools against depression. A new day is coming tomorrow. I have a big hope on being able to do better tomorrow. New start then ...

Welcome to our forums, @Rosi700. I hope you'll be feeling better soon.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Rosi700

Am dropping my post here: This has been a day when I wasn't able to use my tools against depression. A new day is coming tomorrow. I have a big hope on being able to do better tomorrow. New start then ...

Sometimes I feel this way myself.

[Rosi700]

Thank you, Breaking Dawn!

[Rosi700]

Thank you, Buffy01 !

[Rosi700]

Today has been better than yesterday. I have been able to use a few tools against my depression. Feel a bit better!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Rosi700

Thank you, Buffy01 !

Your welcome

[Breaking Dawn]

Originally Posted by Rosi700

Today has been better than yesterday. I have been able to use a few tools against my depression. Feel a bit better!

Thank you, @Rosi700, for sharing this. It's encouraging for the rest of us, & I'm so glad you're feeling a little bit better.

[Rosi700]

Originally Posted by Buffy01

Your welcome

Thank you, Buffy01 !

[Rosi700]

I have problems with my sleep!

[Rosi700]

I have tried to get some sleep since I woke up in the middle of the night, but that did not go well.

I decided to get into some de-cluttering from a big box. There were "tons" of paid bills that I can throw away now.

There were also messages from me to me:

"You are clever!"

"Don't let anybody trample you down!

"Be proud of how far you have come!"


And many more... I am really tired, but have to say that this look into the past did me good! I will drink a strong cup of coffee, eat some chocolate and then take a shower. After that I need to go outside for buying groceries.


After dinner, I will have to get rid of all the paid bills and more.

Hope that the next night will give me enough sleep!

[Breaking Dawn]

Ups & downs.



.............

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Rosi700

Today has been better than yesterday. I have been able to use a few tools against my depression. Feel a bit better! :)

I’m glad that your feeling a little bit better today.

[Yzen]

This time of year reminds me how some of my family judge for being distant and ignore me when they do see me. They don't realize how much my depression and anxiety affect my relationship with my family.

[Breaking Dawn]

I might be feeling kind of ok right now. I do know I'm extremely lucky in many ways. Especially because of these wonderful forums. And this morning I listened to some really great music.

I'm feeling depressed today, more so than I thought I would. I guess it's because I made a mistake of talking to my friend before cleaning. Usually when I do cleaning I feel fairly good even though I may not be in the mood to do it. I feel like it's a time to make my place better (cleaner) and to purge or "rock out". After talking to my friend, I felt depressed. He kind of said things that were not that nice. He's always been that way. So, being depressed because of us talking ruined that cleaning time. I'm still feeling depressed now even though the cleaning is long over with. I've been out and about a little bit today and people seem down in spirits.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Yzen

This time of year reminds me how some of my family judge for being distant and ignore me when they do see me. They don't realize how much my depression and anxiety affect my relationship with my family.

My family and doctors feel this way about me.

[Buffy01]

I have been feeling really terrible especially after being diagnosed with severe depression.

[Yzen]

Originally Posted by Buffy01

I have been feeling really terrible especially after being diagnosed with severe depression.

I hope you feel better soon. I think this time of year can be challenging when you have depression. You are still the wonderful person you have always been.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Yzen

I hope you feel better soon. I think this time of year can be challenging when you have depression. You are still the wonderful person you have always been.

Thank you. I been recently diagnosed with severe depression. The holiday are always hard.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Yzen

This time of year reminds me how some of my family judge for being distant and ignore me when they do see me. They don't realize how much my depression and anxiety affect my relationship with my family.

I can relate..

Ignoring someone who is judged as ''too quiet'' by malignant narcissists (in that foo anyway they are malignant N's) - talking over that ''too quiet'' person and blaming their scapegoat for not visiting often enough. WHO enjoys being IGNORED at a get together? NOBODY

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Yzen

I hope you feel better soon. I think this time of year can be challenging when you have depression. You are still the wonderful person you have always been.

I wish I could believe that about me.

I'm ''too quiet'', ''too needy'' - everything and anything that is not wonderful, according to THOSE people who have OPINIONS and love to spout out their venom

[Fuzzybear]

LOVE to all

[Yzen]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I can relate..

Ignoring someone who is judged as ''too quiet'' by malignant narcissists (in that foo anyway they are malignant N's) - talking over that ''too quiet'' person and blaming their scapegoat for not visiting often enough. WHO enjoys being IGNORED at a get together? NOBODY

I understand. There is pressure to visit and when I do, I am ignored mostly. Being quiet shouldn't be a reason to talk over a person or ignore them. People want to feel welcome and like they belong.

[Buffy01]

My entire family ignores me and uninvited me to family gatherings when they are not talking down to me. It cause me to have severe depression.