[Rose76]

I recovered from being sick. Feel tired. Trying to get motivated.

[Breaking Dawn]

Ups & downs & otherwize. Hang in there dear ones.

[Rose76]

I'm sleeping through the night.

[Buffy01]

I been feeling :sadhug really bad lately

[Rose76]

I spent the day doing pretty much nothing. I actually feel pretty good. Tomorrow, I have to get some things done.

A pretty good day for me. I drove out to go shopping this morning. It's so nice to have my old routine back and I'm eating better now than from the last three weeks. Other than that, nothing much to report about.

[Buffy01]

I just had my depression medication :hug increased

[3rd rock]

I have a funeral to go to next week. I've been going to a lot of funerals lately. The fact that so many older people in my family are dying makes me ponder my own future. I don't have any children, and I'm not married. I haven't even been in a real relationship in many years. It makes me feel depressed because I know that once certain people pass away (like my mother, for instance) there will be no one there to care about me. I'll be well and truly alone. I don't like that the deaths and suffering of others makes me reflect on myself like this; it makes me feel like I'm a shallow person who only cares about what happens to me and how the suffering of others affects me. I should be selfless, not selfish.

The morning was OK but this afternoon felt long and draggy. Also it is gloomy outside.

I can resonate of what Third Rock said for myself. I'm not going to funerals, but other than that, I feel exactly the same way in my life.

[Breaking Dawn]

Having trouble with sadness.

[Rose76]

It's almost 6 a.m. and I've been awake all night. Yesterday morning I accidentally took my evening meds, which made me go back to sleep till 2 p.m. So now my days and nights are reversed. Hope I can sleep now for a few hours and then get up.

My apartment is clean and orderly. That has helped my morale a great deal.

Another gloomy day outside. It drizzled this morning but now it's overcast. I'll be going on my little bike ride pretty soon. Believe it or not, the cool and overcast conditions are ideal for me in bike riding.

I called my friend from college this morning. At first, when I called him, he didn't answer. Today is the eve of his appointment for the colonoscopy tomorrow. After he didn't return my call, I was worried that something may have happened to him. So I called back after two hours from the first time and got him. We had a pretty nice talk. I thought that I would calm his nerves for today.

I called my local friend - telling him that I was worried about my friend. He didn't have much to say about it. Talking to him was alright except to mention from the newspaper that a local hospital had to lay off some staff because of patient's insurance refusing to pay for services. My friend sometimes has a knack for bringing things up that are upsetting.

[Buffy01]

I feel like all of my emotions are all over :sadhug the place

I was busy this morning. I went shopping and then to the doctor's office for a small treatment, which wasn't much of anything. Feeling like I have worries a lot.

I worry now when I go out for a drive because of fearing that something could happen to my car. Funny thing is that, when I'm waiting at the doctor's office, I get all kinds of imaginations of struggling with bad health. Maybe that's normal when waiting at the doctor's office.

[Rose76]

I feel real good. I'ld almost say I feel great! I've done nothing today to deserve to feel so good. That makes me a little nervous . . . like, when's the other shoe gonna drop?

I did the laundry at 6 AM. I felt good doing it as it took up two hours of my time. I enjoy doing laundry, however the one thing that stresses me out about it is if I go the washers and they are already taken. That doesn't happen often. I felt good with the process but now that it's over with and I feel let down. On the other hand I feel like it's insane of me to get up that early when I don't have to.

While I was folding the laundry I was listening to music but was a bit miffed when the speakers connected to my laptop were not sounding good. It was one speaker out of a pair not working, so that was the problem. At first I thought about going out to buy a new one, but I ended up ordering online instead. I felt guilty about it because I feel like I have to pay a little bit more and felt ashamed for not feeling like going out to pick up one myself.

Nothing much going on now and for the rest of the day. I can relate to what Rose had to say about feeling good and then worry if the other shoe is going to drop.

[hiddenaway]

I feel like crap. Everything hurts and I can’t stop crying, nor do I feel like watching Drew today. I - I just want to disappear into the void for awhile.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by 3rd rock

I have a funeral to go to next week. I've been going to a lot of funerals lately. The fact that so many older people in my family are dying makes me ponder my own future. I don't have any children, and I'm not married. I haven't even been in a real relationship in many years. It makes me feel depressed because I know that once certain people pass away (like my mother, for instance) there will be no one there to care about me. I'll be well and truly alone. I don't like that the deaths and suffering of others makes me reflect on myself like this; it makes me feel like I'm a shallow person who only cares about what happens to me and how the suffering of others affects me. I should be selfless, not selfish.

I’m very sorry for your loss

[Aardwolf]

The sun came out for the first time in a while today. Usually, It's cathartic and it does honestly make me feel better, makes me feel something.
Nothing. Not a single feeling, not a care. No spark. I know how bad it is now.

Insomnia and the nightmares are back, my sleep is shot to pieces and I feel absolutely exhausted. I really shouldn't be alone at the moment, but also no one seems to notice so that works I guess. It's not a problem if the mask stays up.

It just doesn't seem to mean much today.. Maybe it'll be better tomorrow, maybe it won't. Maybe it'll rain, maybe it'll be grey skies.

[Deilla]

I'm having trouble with self-care. I do my work day cause that's important. But I'm important too. I just don't have the physical energy to take care of myself.

[Rose76]

Last evening, at Costco's, I noticed I felt weak. I cut my shopping short and got a pizza and soda, mainly so I could sit down and rest. I was very thirsty, so maybe I was dehydrated. I was kind of sore, especially in my back, so I wanted to take a Vicodin, which I did. Next, in the parking lot, an employee spotted me putting stuff in my car. I must have looked like I was struggling because she rushed over and said, "I can do that for you." One item was a case of V8, which was kind of heavy. Still, I'm not sure what made her think I needed help. I'm overdue to color my hair, so maybe it was my gray hair that elicited her sympathy. Maybe she wanted to get my cart, since the store was closing.

I came home and went to bed a bit earlier than usual. I slept fairly okay. But it's 12 noon now, and I feel like I need to go back to sleep. Since getting up at 8 a.m., I feel oddly tired and lacking in strength. I just put the heat on because I was a little chilly and thought maybe my muscles need to get warmed up. (It's actually a pleasant spring day.)

I'm worried that I feel this physically weak. I have to go get my blood drawn today to check for anemia. I get checked every 4 weeks because I had bleeding ulcers in Nov. The labs had been great last time. I'm supposed to fly in May to visit family who live distant from me. I'm starting to fear going because I'm afraid this fatigue will make me feel not up to doing things. I feel like a semi-invalid, but there's no reason I should be this lethargic. Well I better go now for the blood work. I hope I can snap out of this. Emotionally, I feel real well . . . not depressed at all. I'm worried that I may have gotten real deconditioned, due to lack of exercise.

Late yesterday afternoon as I was finishing up my bike ride and one of my toe clips came loose. What happened was two screws that holds the clip to the pedal was gone. I don't know how it happened.

This morning I was busy with shopping, and after shopping, I went to a bike shop to see if they had two screws for the clip. They did! So when I got back I put the screws on but I made a mistake of doing it standing up rather than sitting next to it I felt like I stretched my back out. When I did the band resistance exercise a little later on, I strained my back. When I did that one exercise that caused it, it was a sudden severe pain I didn't feel coming. OW- WE!

It was hot today and it seemed like summer suddenly came after a long winter. My back pain got better but still having the soreness. I hope it will be better by tomorrow when I plan to clean.

[Buffy01]

I offer some advice to a friend and even call to check up and receive a nasty message asking to stop calling which stunned me.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

I have been pretty depressed lately. It's hard to shake. IDK what to do about it exactly. Guess I need to try some different coping skills.

I completely understand about feeling depression . I hope you can find different coping skills

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by TheGal

Hi Dawn,

I'm down today. I want to cry, but I can't... the tears just won't come... I am so overloaded that I've shut down. Even the sun and the natural beauty around me doesn't reach me... I'm so distant and far away.....

So I'm listening to REM and picking my nails...

How are you doing/

I’m sorry that you’re in tears and down