[Rose76]

I went on this trip to visit family and strengthen my bond with them. Sure didn't work out that way. I feel so rejected. Worst of all, I feel I deserve the rejection. In a way I feel numb. In another way, I feel so bad that I wish I were never born.

In a way I want to reach out and try to heal the rift that just opened up. In another way, I want to surrender to the desire to just give up.

Right now I need more sleep.

Today was a bad day and so was yesterday with some weirdness. I'm feeling discouraged and depressed. I don't think things will ever get better. It's been a long time that things haven't been great but some days are worse than others.

As for Rose, it's so much of how it is with my family. I haven't seen them in a long time and I'm in no hurry to get together. But I do reach out at times; and then it feels like I got eggs in my face for my effort.

[Rose76]

I'm having weird physical symptoms - no saliva in my mouth, slightly slurred speech, lightheadedness, slight dizzziness. It's hard for me to tap these letters. I don't have good control of my hands and fingers.

Maybe I accidentally took 2 Vicodin, instead of 1.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I'm having weird physical symptoms - no saliva in my mouth, slightly slurred speech, lightheadedness, slight dizzziness. It's hard for me to tap these letters. I don't have good control of my hands and fingers.

Maybe I accidentally took 2 Vicodin, instead of 1.

Have you called the poison control?

[Buffy01]

I been trying to deal with feeling down especially lately :hug because of how I been treated

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by will19

Today was a bad day and so was yesterday with some weirdness. I'm feeling discouraged and depressed. I don't think things will ever get better. It's been a long time that things haven't been great but some days are worse than others.

As for Rose, it's so much of how it is with my family. I haven't seen them in a long time and I'm in no hurry to get together. But I do reach out at times; and then it feels like I got eggs in my face for my effort.

I’m sorry that today has been a bad day. Take it easy on yourself.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by will19

I cleaned this morning. Last night my friend called me from the airport to tell me he and his wife arrived safely. After cleaning this morning I spoke to him. It sounded like the trip was a bit of a disaster. He didn't get off the ship that much and his hearing aids malfunctioned. It was cold where they were. And now, at being back, he told me that his wife came down with COVID.

Other than that, not much going on for me. My depression has been feeling a little bit better lately.

I’m sorry that your friend has covid.

Yesterday was a slightly better day than the way it's been but no big deal. Today was alright in the beginning but bad at the end. Another bit of weirdness as the paramedics get called to the apartment next to me. And then a fairly nice neighbor of mine acts like she's mad at me when I saw her this afternoon. My friend and I may not talk tonight because he has something going on; and I feel the need to talk to someone because I feel very down.

It's the way it always is. I feel alright but it's no big deal. And in no time things happen to make my mood plunge. And then it will stay that way for a good while. I guess I'm called by a divine being to have a down and depressing life. Oh well!

[3rd rock]

I'm deeply sad tonight. I'm experiencing a lot of pain that is purely mental. I'm supposed to be busying myself tidying up my apartment in preparation for suite inspections tomorrow, although I don't have a lot to do. But it's very hard to get anything done when I'm almost overcome with pain. The long weekend has ended and I have a reduced work week this coming week. But I'm starting to wonder what's even the point of any of it if I'm not going to make meaningful progress towards any goals. I wish I could find a nice woman because I desire companionship, but I fear I'm not capable of forming those kinds of relationships. I'm all over the place.

[Rose76]

I'm experiencing severe sleep irregularity. I'm a guest in someone else's home. It's embarrassing.

In my own home, I manage to get enough sleep, even though it's broken up. Here, I am not getting enough hours of sleep. I'm tired and yawning a lot during times when I need to be sociable. This trip/visit has not gone well. I'ld been looking forward to this trip for three years. It got postponed by COVID, then by me having serious health problems that required I stay put for treatment.

It will be a few years before I can afford to visit here again. This was supposed to be a joyous reunion with my family - a strengthening of the bonds of love. Instead, I'll go back feeling more estranged.

[giddykitty]

Hello!
I'm back today after a long hiatus. Not sure if I'll be able to keep coming over the next few months (hosting guests and doing traveling), but we will see. I'd like to try to be around again more.

That said, I'm not really depressed atm. I'm more anxious. Have a lot to do today to prepare for my mother in law visiting this week and us going on a trip over the weekend. Lots of cleaning to do, we also need to clean the car, and on top of that, i still have my regular cookiing to do. I'm also just coming off a slight sickness which had me not exercising as much past few days coupled with the fact that my knees have already been a bit wobbly, or rather just have had a bit of pain. So, I'm needing higs and wellwishes to get through the next few days until things settle again. Ok, take care! <3

[Confusius]

I don't feel good. There was a social gathering at work that I didn't manage to avoid and it did make me feel really nervous and uncomfortable. I still feel really affected from that occasion and from not sleeping well.

[Buffy01]

I wish that I knew what causing me to feel so down all the time.

Another day and it wasn't great. First I went shopping and discovered I picked up the wrong kind of bedding. I wanted a twin fitted sheet and instead I got the flat. I feel embarrassed about that mistake. I don't shop for bedding that much. And then the hood on my car doesn't close all the way down, so I have to take care of it. And when I got home from shopping my back hurt. I don't know how it happened. My back has been hurting all day. I had the same problem with my back about two months ago.

[giddykitty]

forgot to check in here today. well, i'm suffering more from anxiety, but I guess I'm "depressed" about something in particular. Ugh! I'm actually afraid to talk about it much. I kinda vented some in other threads today, but I can't do it now. Let's just say that tomorrow begins the summer of the in-laws staying with us, and I really hope it is a happy and positive time and yet, I worry about some conversations that might need to be had and the outcome of that. I am really looking forward to seeing these people again and having a lot of fun, but I'm really worried about my husband. Gah! just typing it out makes me worry more! ...and I guess that's what is depressing! I put "depressed" in quotes, because is it actual depression when life circumstances are just sad or difficult? I mean, I think anyone would be depressed in my position, so i dunno!

Well, gonna try to think happy thoughts now so that I can sleep. I'm anxious my thoughts will keep me up all night, and I actually have to wake up early tomorrow to prepare for MIL's arrival. Pray for me or send me good thoughts! Thanks! <3

[Rose76]

I slept better last night. I wish I could sleep a little more now. Yesterday I did a lot of crying, looking at letters I received years ago from people I loved who are dead now. I feel an awful sense of loss and grief. I feel like a failure. I'll be glad to get home where I can be alone.

Yesterday and, so far this morning, it's a little bit better for me. There's an old saying and a popular song by Meat Loaf called "Two Of Out Of Three Ain't Bad". Last Tuesday three unexpected problems came up. As of yesterday I was able to solve two out of three. I was able to return my sheet and get another one that I wanted, my back feels better but still a slight problem, and the hood of my car is not solved. So I'll have work on it. Nothing much else to report about.

[giddykitty]

got a bit of stomachache coming and going today and could use a bit more sleep, but otherwise, feeling pretty good! <3

[Buffy01]

I feel really awful today.

[Rose76]

Today went pretty good, all in all.

[giddykitty]

Feeling kinda sad thatthese foums are becoming more and more quiet. Also, it makes me sad not seeing hugs on the posts in this thread. Nearly ever other section of the forum does this. It's weird that there are no hugs in a depression section. Just my thoughts.

[Buffy01]

I felt really bad and not good enough

[giddykitty]

Thanks for the hugs @3rd_rock !

I'm good but my mind is shutting down from being so busy today. Hoping for a nice long quiet drive later. See yall next week!

[FooZe]

The new thread is here: Daily check in thread: Ups &amp; Downs #32