New and saying hello to all.

Hello everyone. I am new to this board and just getting to know more about it. It is great to have a support forum such as this. I am afraid to post things though, because I feel like people will think it is just a pity party. Is it okay to post when you are just frusterated and don't understand? Will people here bite your head off and point fingers? I have been feeling down and don't think I can handle criticism.

Dazed, hello and welcome to the boards here.

I think it is a matter of "personal taste" in this regard but I find this board to be by far the best balanced in terms of "pity party management"

Of COURSE it is OK to post when you are frustrated. One of the best uses for these forums is to vent frustration expecially with regard to stresses that people without depression cannot understand.

I think most people here agree that it is only a problem when people post about their problems but never take any advice or action to do anything about those problems. It can become frustrating when help is available and people won't avail themselves of that help.

I don't think that is what you are talking about. People post their problems here and get advice and support but also many times it is understood that a particular problem is expressed simply to vent and get it out of their system. We often do run "official" somewhat tonge-in-cheek pity party threads here as well. I think we all understand that it can be comforting to do that sometimes, as long as it is not something you do to hide from life or from your problems. Even if you are taking a lot of action toward solving problems, sometimes it is just good to take a break and share some cyber-cake and some cyber-drinks.

Please post as much or as little as you feel comfortable. Even when people have advice to offer I don't think I ever see people offer it with a critical tone, we all want to help and we all also want to feel safe here. There are rare exceptions of course but that is the nature of a public community.

Thankyou so much for the warm welcome! And it looks like you are one of 'big guys' on this board too. After reading about everyone's problems, it feels as if what I am dealing with isn't worth the talking about. I have been strongly considering a therapist (Only been to one 1 time) but there is a catch. I am with my husband out of the country, and our medical insurance doesn't cover me. It is so frusterating. Been here five months, and don't know how much longer. Some days I am fine with the depression, and other days, just forget it. If it weren't for the housekeeper coming into the hotel room everyday, I wouldn't even bother getting up. But I am afraid of hurting her feelings, as she sees me as 'family' now. I really want her to leave me alone. That is what I am feeling on the inside, but the outside is saying, 'Oh no, you are always welcome!' Smiling a smile that I am not projecting on the inside. I have the 'Do not disturb' on my door, but she will want to come in soon.

First off NO problems are too small to post if they are important to YOU. The one thing that your problems have that make them more effecting than anyone elses is that they are yours, and you should never feel like they shouldn't be a problem. As an example, I have been having a lot of stress about losing my house, yet I am well aware that many people here do not own homes and some are homeless, yet they understand from my frame of reference how stressful this issue is for me.

Being out of country must make things very difficult. One of the worst symptoms of depression is the urge to isolate oneself... we cut ourselves off from friends, family, doctors, co workers... we suffer alone and feel as if we have no one to help even though we are actively pushing people away. It is a horrible thing. Being out of your home country I can only imagine that the situation itself has done 3/4 of the "isolation work" that your depression has subcontracted without any extra effort. Wanting to not even deal with the housekeeper is likely just your depression working to attempt to isolate you even further. Knowing that doesn't necessarily help, but try to keep in mind that these effects are symptoms of the illness itself, not some deficiency in yourself or in the way you are handling the depression. Isolation isn't a habit that worsens the depression, it IS the depression.

It would likely benefit you very much to be able to see a therapist and/or a doctor about this. See if you can find any resources that will help. Maybe there is a clinic in the area that can see you for free or at a reduced rate. Some clinics work on a sliding scale based on what you can afford.

See what you can find or work out. And keep coming here for support and understanding. Others may also have some advice on treatment options for people in foreign lands.

Good luck and keep posting.

Thankyou, that does make sense. Not exactly understanding a person's situation, but knowing it is stressful for them. I feel myself detaching from people and things. For example, I dearly love my pets at home, but now I am begining to feel that I need to find a better home for them. Uncomplicate things. I totally agree that it is time to seek therapy. Even at a sliding scale, we couldn't afford it as my husband is temp. employed. He makes great money, but after bills are paid, we don't have enough but to buy a few groceries. We share his dinners that work pays for. That is why I was looking at different avenues to get talk therapy. I have heard of online talk therapy, though I know it is expensive, and I don't think it would be as helpful as face to face. I am doing fine today, but there is always tomorrow, and I don't like the rollercoaster of thoughts and emotional things. And the feeling of needing to detach myself from people and things.

I don't have any experience with online therapy. If it is expensive I would definitely agree that face to face therapy would be better. But if it was something that could be done cheaply I wouldn't necessarily rule it out.

I think it is a very positive factor that you want to seek therapy and understand the rollercoaster that you may be on. When one is very depressed it may be very difficult to seek therapy because of the fatigue and the hopelessness. Then when one is feeling more "up" and may have the energy, they often don't seek help because they feel they don't need it. Having the desire and the energy to seek treatment with the understanding that you want a lasting solution is a point that a lot of people find it difficult to reach. I hope you will keep trying to look for options.

Can you find some support groups in your area to attend? They are not a replacement for therapy but can often help a lot, both in giving a reason to go out and leave the house once or twice a week, and then having the support and understanding of people to talk to. Its like having a group like this one here were people can understand and share their ideas, but the face-to-face makes it deeper and more meaningful and helpful, with the added benefit of travel to another location.

Good luck.

Welcome, Dazed and Confused.

I was interested in reading about how you are thinking about finding better homes for your pets. I did that when I came unglued last year. One dog was clearly too much for me -- it was the wrong breed for my temperament, but I wasn't able to convey that to my life partner who subsequently left me. The other dog developed a behavioral problem, chewing door frames in thunder storms, and there was nothing I could do except get here into a safer part of the country.

I used to think it was good to have a dog, because it meant I had to leave the house even when depressed to walk my pet. But after I started living in homes with yards, I didn't even have to do that anymore.

It was wrenching to give up the second dog, because I loved her very much, and I found the home for her so that she could be safe and loved.

I hope you find discernment about what to do with your beloved pets. And that you find therapy to help you.

Again, welcome.

I just wanted to welcome you to our little board!! I hope that you enjoy this place and find it supportive and helpful like it has been for me.

Welcome!!

Jessica

Support groups is an interesting option. The thing that keeps me from that is I have social anxiety. Going outside is torture. Feels as if everyone is staring at me and talking and I find it hard to even concentrate on walking straight. Don't see things in that are right in front of me. Can't interact with surroundings. Lose train of thought. That good stuff. Crowds make me very uncomfortable, as does talking face to face with people. Guess I am more of a recluse? Even when we are back home, I would not be able to go to therapy without my husband. I feel as if I would just freak out.

Thankyou for the welcome, shakes! And Wants2Fly. Giving homes to my pets is just part of detaching myself from them emotionally. I love them like little kids. I have a chihuahua which isn't much trouble, and a cat. Also being away from home makes me feel as if I have deserted them. Another big aspect of detaching myself is my parents. We moved them in with us to help them out as they are aging, now I am losing it. Love them, would like to move them back, but have put ourselves in a situation where they can't really afford to be moved back. I have always dealt with the depression, but dealing with my mother has me feeling like I can't handle things appropriately. Had a difficult time emotionally growing up, and before we moved them in thought 'I am a big girl. They can't hurt me anymore.'

Welcome dazed! Aw gee didn't you say you've been reading our posts for a while? And you ask if pity parties are ok???? LOL we have them regularly, with a different host/hostess each time! But true, if you throw party after party and say the same thing and don't acknowledge replier's posts... then, well you go to the dog house. (We're all mentally "unwell" too, remember and have limited aspects some days....)

So come on back and post... we care, really!

Welcome Dazed...it was nice speaking to you last night in the chat! I think you'll find it very helpful here...for the most part i just read other's posts...but dont reply cause i'm no use with words.

Claire x

Hi Dazed, and welcome to the forums! Please, you just post whatever you feel like to need to. If it's important to you then that's all that really matters. I'm looking forward to hearing from you and getting to know you better. This is a great place to be!

I hope you find everything that you're looking for!

Take care,
Greg

jet? I think you said that just fine!

My ancestors were from Scotland... my great great grandfather came over, married a Cherokee woman... settled in Ohio...blah blah blah but when I get angry, everyone believes it!

I wish to come some day to Gilwell. Lord Robert Baden Powell's camp.... wish.

Thankyou everyone! I had read the posts for about two days before I joined. Couldn't figure out why the form kept saying it was incomplete and almost gave up. Then noticed I didn't check the 'I agree' box! Pfffft! Anyway. After reading the posts I realized this is a nice place to be. Oh, and jet, you are just fine with words. I really enjoyed out chat also.