Very Depressed

I need some friends that understand, I am really low, it is getting worse. Nothing is helping.

i can understand feeling really low ((purple))))) sending caring thoughts... you do matter.. it sucks to feel so down.. sometimes we do... breathe in\breathe out... take some time.. hope you can find some beautiful thing today even tho there you are feeling dark all around you now.... imagine some happy colors if you can... purple is a beautiful color... some flowers are purple : )

breathing with you...

hang in there...

(((((((((((((((((( purplebutterfly ))))))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((( purplebutterfly ))))))))))))))))

Need to climb back under my rock and cry, cuz that is all that I can do and all I want to anymore-nothing else

aww (((purple)))) dont disappear completely... sending more hugs

Thanks ((((nowheretorun)))). Nice picture. I just don't know what else to do anymore

sometimes we need to cry ((purple))) its ok... we wouldnt have those those tear glands if not for a reason... let yourself cry if thats needed... give yourself some time to feel some of that pain so it will finally go and leave you alone.. when you are ready, you can peek outdoors and let yourself feel the sun again.. it will be magically warming to you hon... never give up, never let go, ok?...

I have been crying my eyes out, I need to let the pain out, crying is not helping-I have to get this pain out.

keep writing us here ((purple))) we will listen, we care that you are hurting and no one wants you to hurt .. sending you some tissue and caring hugs..

Sending caring thoughts ((((((((((((( purple )))))))))))))

(((((purplebutterfly)))))

What's wrong exactly? Maybe we can help with the specifics???

Depressed really bad, I want the pain to go away. Nothing is helping and all i can do is cry and I want to pick up a razor and cut. Lots more but I think that is enough to start with. But hey I am okay, thanks for everyone's support, I just feel like I can not be helped anymore I am just a bother to everyone and not even the therapists and Pdoc know what to do with me. you know I have not laughed in months-yes seriously. I really do not know how to anymore.

((purple))) hang in there, this has to pass.. keep breathing, keep talking, keep venting... we are not tired of you.. not being able to laugh is painful in itself... try to start by not harming ok? then slowly build yourself back up to laughter... its ok... you're safe here....

It doesn't matter anymore, whether I cut or not, I guess I am not ready to quit like I thought I was, I am not a strong person, sorry everyone I can not be what you need me to be.
Then at times like now I feel like maybe I should just go get drunk and sleep with whoever cuz it doesn't really matter, I do not matter. I guess that is why I gave my daughter up, not really but I gave her to her two dads-still in her life but do not get to see her much-there i said it now the whole fing world knows how bad i am, not to mention all the other things that have been done to me that I guess I deserved. Yea I am venting and crying and trying to find something that can take this pain away. Who cares I do not anymore. Yes I need help I know that but when the Pdoc and therapist basically say we throw our hands up, that kinda means you are not worth it.

i can imagine how alone you must feel now... you can turn here... we care.. you are not trash or garbage... no matter whats been done or whats happened there is bright hope for new tomorrows... i feel your despair, ive been there... i gave up my son... it was very very hard..... i know it was best at the time and i cant turn back time, all i can do now is suffer with that knowledge and wish the best for him... do i think of myself as vile and inhuman? i have before.... but that wouldnt be the best thing i could do for my son.. so, im trying to shape up... those are my reasons... not telling you what you should do...

just saying that we all are unique and we all have a special gift to bring ths world... you, myself, many others, we've had to search for it, but trust me, it is in you.... its ok to vent ((purple))))))

((((purplebutterfly))))))))))))))))))
I hav been reading this today
I want you to know you do matter
we all care here at pc
I can feel your pain....its ok to vent to get it out
((cry))))))))
(((vent)))))))))
(((you matter here))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
((you just plain matter))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I know the difficulty of a t/pdoc saying they do not know what to do next. I felt like I was beyond hope. I don't know what my t/pdoc did, perhaps consulted with a colleague, but next session he came up with a few new ideas. They involved a different type of therapy than what I'd been doing: hypnotherapy actually. It fell through, but you can always tell your doctors that you would like a referral. A good doctor will realize that they cannot help you with everything and not be hurt my your idea. Failing with one method of treatment does not mean you will fail with all.

Thanks for everyones caring and thoughts.

It hurts. I'm so sorry. You didn't do anything wrong. You are not a bad person. Please forgive yourself. Other people have failed you; that's about them, not you.

We so care for you. You are one of us. You are our own. We will never give up on you.

purblebutterfly, i know you are sad and hurting, but i want you to know that i care and you will get over this. cry and cry and cry, at least your getting some of the pain out.....pj56......

purple,

please do not despair ... nobody knows what tomorrow will bring.

your still have the future to make things happen - that includes your precious daughter.

take care of yourself ... stay our of harms way ... imagine a good future, with a positive lifestyle that you, yourself, have created for yourself and those you love.

it can happen. it will happen.

say positive things to yourself everytime you catch yourself longing for things that aren't around this moment - say things like, 'everyday, in everyway, i am getting better' -
or whatever you relate to - build your strength, you can do it - you are getting stronger already, just going through this very rough patch in life - someday you will look back and be thankful (i know it sounds crazy but, it's true)... you will make it and have your child with you when you are ready.

peace and love,
nightbird

Love you sweetie!

Please keep hope.