I could really do with someone to lean on tonight...

Hey.

I havent written in a while, because my thoughts have been occupied with working in my new job and Ive been as busy as hell...

It's different tonight. I want to break down tonight. My boyfriend didnt want to see me tonight, because he was tired. Now he's not returning my texts and completely shutting me off. I'm sick of my dads drinking, its gotten too out of control now that he's lying to me again. And I miss my mum.

Im really embarrassed to say it though, even to myself. I miss her soooo much. I want her to bother with me again, I want my old mum back now, but shes forgotten about me. I'm only young and I should have her here, I should have someone to talk to but I dont and I hate it. I feel so alone.

I want to get drunk but I'd just be as bad as my dad then. I want to SI but I know my boyfriend has had thoughts of leaving me when I do it, and I really cant afford to lose somebody else. Why do I feel like this? whats wrong with me?

I dont know what to do tonight, I really dont. I dont even know why Im this upset.Im sorry for venting but I really needed to get something out.

babyg xXx

This should be in the depression forum, shouldnt it?

(((BabyG)))

I love your avitar and sense of style, btw.

Listen, you are feeling the disappointment and lonliness other people can create, but you are not feeling that 'certain something' within yourself that can occupy the space created by those who aren't there when you need them to be.

We all have this 'area' which we can fill with a hobby, like the artist, or a drive road-trip, like Sir Anthony Hopkins does, or games of solitare, a fabulous novel, a night of shopping, or something, perhaps a health club, girlfriends, going out to dinner alone and to a movie ... something to help us enjoy our own company and rely on our own emotions to take care of us.

The options are awesome - of things that can fill your life, besides people.

I'm sorry you miss your Mom, I'm sure she misses you too!

I miss my child every minute! If it's a consolation, I think all Moms' do. That's why we feel so guilty by working and being any distance away. You'll no this one day perhaps through experience. I'm sure if she knew you wanted her in your life, she'd be there with bells on - saying real loud and embarrassingly - "Honey, I'm here, I'm here"

peace and love,
night

Thanks nightbird, but my mum doesnt miss me at all... I'm only ten minutes away in the car. she just doesnt bother with me anymore and shes not the same person who she used to be and I miss her so much.

I just want the people who should be there in my life to actually be there

babyg xXx

- and thanks hun x

(((((((((((((((( BabyG )))))))))))))))))))))))

x_Baby_x If ya wanna do chat >>> I saw ya earlier >> [ shoulda said come in to social then ] ...

But ,,,, pm if ya wanna blow off some steam ,, I just floating around in forums ATM .

I'm glad you are working at good self care by not drinking nor otherwise self harming. You aren't the fault of all this, so there isn't any reason to take it out on yourself.

I do understand wanting to escape the bad feelings... and for temporary help you need to distract yourself away from those negative thoughts. If you do get to chat, try not to go over and over the stuff running in your mind. Try to chat about other things that are not so disconcerting.

Good wishes.

(((((((((((((BabyG))))))))))))))))

Hi BabyG,

I'm just a newbie, but I can understand how you feel. I've had a lot of tough losses in my life, and I know how much it hurts when those who should love you don't meet your needs.

My mom passed away almost three years ago, and I miss her dearly. My dad is slowly becoming senile, and is increasingly overcome with apathy. My friends from college have been ignoring me, and my friends at home--where I'm stuck fot the summer--just get high all the time. I feel your pain, and I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so miserable.

Regarding SI, I used to SI incessantly, but I've broken the habit... mostly. If you don't mind, I'd like to offer you some advice. One of the best ways of putting off urges is through the fifteen minute game (incidentally, this works for smoking urges as well). If you feel the need to SI, tell yourself to wait fifteen minutes. Tell yourself that if you still feel like hurting yourself in fifteen minutes, you can (I'm not in any way condoning SI; the delay will usually lessen the urge. If it doesn't, try doing it again). Another way is to substitute a safe, nonpermanent intense sensation for the pain you feel when you SI: ice cube on the wrist, eating a hot pepper, etc. Just nothing that will do actual damage to your body.

I hope this helps. Please feel better soon, and know that, even if certain people may not care for you as much as you need them to, we all care for you very much! Treat yourself with the love you deserve!!

(((((BabyG))))

Best wishes,
J

Im not going to SI, because I know it will only be temporary anyway and like I said before I dont want to risk our relationship.

Im just fed up of feeling alone all the time.

Im just starting to finally get my life back on track aswell, I've got a wonderful boyfriend, I have money coming in, Im quite busy now with my life and Im going back to college in september. Thats quite alot for me to achieve in 6 months, and I thought I'd be happy - so why do I still feel like this??

baby xXx

You can lean on me right now, as long as i can lean on you. Im having issues right now and i am depressed at the moment.

(((((((((((((( BabyG )))))))))))))))