Argh

Hi Silver -- Sometimes I have felt worse leaving counseling, in the depths of depression.

It was almost as if having to talk about it made me confront the awfulness of it -- whereas, alone, I can deny it, zone out on solitare or TV reruns.

Sometimes I left early because talking about the awfulness, even sitting in silence with the awfulness, was too much to bear.

Yet, getting out the house, putting on clothes, brushing my teeth -- this things were good for me. Ya gotta keep putting one foot in front the other, even when it doesn't make any sense to do so.

You are on the right track. The Sufis speak of giving ourselves "the mercy." That is, being as compassionate with ourselves as others are to us. It's hard when we're not used to it. But give yourself some mercy, some praise, for doing what you know needs to be done.

Stretch out in those feelings as if you are a cat experiencing a single ray of sunshine for a half second in the darkness.

Keep going, Silver. You're doing great!

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((((((((((((((((( silver )))))))))))))))))))))))

i'm so proud of you for talking about such hard things. you are very insightful to know when you're doing badly and to watch for things like taking meds, etc.

i'm so sorry that you continue to suffer i think you're so special. i appreciate you more than you know i think.

love,

kd

Well then tell her about your fear of being thrown into hospital too. The counsellor and you can probably work something out.

Ok... so on Friday i had an exam that I think i almost certainly failed at. I guessed at all of it... and that pulled my mood down some and it hasnt recovered since . I start classes again tomorrow and some of the classes i take are new... and for them, i have to hand in 4 essays of 2000 words each... and i still have overdue assignments from last semester. heh... think i am beginning to lose control here, or at least, beginning to accept that i am losing control lol. my depression is still worsening, i am bored most of the time and i dont even enjoy listening to music anymore. but anyway... am fed up of talking about self.

true, hamstergirl... except that i dont plan on telling her fully how i feel. i mean, if she knows how i am feeling, that is enough, right? she doesnt need all details.