[nowheretorun]

Its 2am here where i am.. spending some time thinking over as many of the sub-plots and main plots and overviews as i can imagine.. several things come to mind.. please forgive me if i offend anyone here, this all relates to real life..

each day i wake to a morning of hope that comes trimmed in shadows of dark memories..

each day i wake to promise and sounds and lights of a new opportunity to find peace of mind and the missing parts of my past.. the kindness that went underground as we all became harder, tougher, more resilient, more disconnected..

for years i struggled against dark thinking and observed as others within my society pursued dysfunctional escape methods..

for years i joined them, not feeling strong enough to resist and after several years found myself at the inevitable bottom we all do when we stop trying to do good things for ourselves..

for years ive watched my society practice poor health choices, myself being a leader in the ways of self injury and dead end rounds...

for years ive felt pain as my social atmosphere became colder, harsher, less caring and apathetic...

for years ive felt the pain of helplessness and let myself spiral into degradation and self destruction...

why did i survive? i could have been taken so many times, so many ways and i was spared again and again, brought back to the surface to where the lights were so bright i raced away again to the protection of darkness and success by way of failure...

had i chosen to be a victim? certainly there are supportive groups for those of us struggling... a helping hand is offered in hope over and over again and it always amazes me that the door to the light remains open for us at all times if we can see...

for years i watch the progress of darkness on my society and see its advancement and bear witness to the lure of the downspin... easy fun and passing joy at the expense of freedom and hope doesnt heal any of us...

i stand at this crossroads and see what the downtrodden have contributed towards, been pawns of and shake my head at the determination of those who choose ill health...

in time we will rise again, but because of past poor health choices we now must suffer to feel good again.. it saddens me that we have all come to this and that it is often ourselves who stand in the way of our very own progress...

if you are alone and suffering tonight, make the turn to better health.. the way to possess health, is to first decide to be healthy....

sending best wishes for all..

[silver_moon]

((((((((((((nowheretorun))))))))))))

[pegasus]

((((((( nowheretorun )))))))

I have known you for a long time now on these boards. Much wisdom comes from you and your positivity has carried me through many a time. I like your honesty in saying how it is.

I would like to say this though, from my point of view, enabling people is not always about agreeing with someone. Hugs and love are needed for people who never received that as children... but also an adult part needs to come in and say, 'For goodness sake get off your backside!' Yes, I have to be harsh at times in order to motivate those that have no motivation.

Thanks for your post.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((( nowheretorun ))))))))))))))))))

[free2beme]

((((((((((((nowheretorun))))))))))))

I accept the pain of my resistance to change because through it,
i move forward.

[turquoisesea]

*hugs* I agree with the other replies too
your posts have always been uplifting and helpful.
Reading your post I have realized some of this, that so many of us are so down on ourselves and made bad choices that it is our own doing that we are down. And we don't pick the way out. sometimes its hard. but even if it's hard to see sometimes, some of us are on the way up even if there are many stones and roadblocks on the way this place and people around help to break them away, even though it's a long road to take. I know personally I often fall backward. I use coping skills that are not helpful. I make bad choices. But I also know that compared to even a few months ago, I am moving on a different path. The other path was downhill completely, but this one at least I am moving away from the dark path. I'll try to make moves down the right forks in the road and go through the suffering required to get better.

You have been so helpful to so many. Don't let the negative feelings make you think there is nothing better. Reading your post, I realized that there is so much sadness here, but I also realize that people are helped. Loads of hugs, and thanks so much for everything you've done

[gimmeice]

(((((((((((((( nowheretorun )))))))))))))))))))))

[nowheretorun]

Originally Posted by pegasus

((((((( nowheretorun )))))))

I have known you for a long time now on these boards. Much wisdom comes from you and your positivity has carried me through many a time. I like your honesty in saying how it is.

I would like to say this though, from my point of view, enabling people is not always about agreeing with someone. Hugs and love are needed for people who never received that as children... but also an adult part needs to come in and say, 'For goodness sake get off your backside!' Yes, I have to be harsh at times in order to motivate those that have no motivation.

Thanks for your post.

thanks to everyone for your replies and support

i understand the ideas of 'tough love' .. what i have learned is that after pressuring others into having things the way i believe are right, they have a few choices.. one is agree with me, one is disagree, the other is talk about it.. talking about it is not the same as tough love.. talking about it opens doors.. tough love sometimes closes them as in my fathers situation.. right is right, but people are human and cant be contained in a box of 'right and wrong' ..

i try very hard to understand why or how a person becomes the person they are and then try to find ways that helps them feel more healthy about themselves now and in their own future..

being 'sharp' has its downside and i try to avoid it as much as possible, but still i get where you're coming from Pegs..

sometimes people just need to be shown how something is and then given their own choices.. if ill health is chosen, what can a healthier individual really do? so far, ive found no way to force good health on anyone..

intervention is one exception i keep open tho..

[Lenny]

Originally Posted by nowheretorun

if ill health is chosen, what can a healthier individual really do?

Yes nowheretorun,,,your words spark thought...

Be as healthy as you can be,,especially as we get older...your good health can be a bright light in a dim room...it is where we would walk too..

With care,

Lenny

((nowheretorun)))))))))))))
I agree with you choosing good health is a must. Its very hard to watch bad health happen .Like I did with my parents and sister.
Neither one could I stop. My parents I did step in and talked to thier DRs.
I was thier POA and was the person to thier living will.
Anything i did . at that point did not help much...
With my sister it finally turned out ok...
Tough love never helped with my son......
But I am agreeing with you good health is so important.
muffy

[nowheretorun]

thanks Lenny and muffy for taking time to write to me and think about this with me, im dealing with several situations of co-dependence and ill health (too many)

im trying very hard not to lose patience with others but it is very challenging when i can see clearly what is needed to be done, but even tho it would help them self, my friends and family are still doing things the old ways for themselves and apparently dont realize how it affects others around them..

my mom is kind of a good example too... her health is getting so bad that i am afraid to think of her in 10 years from now, even one more day as she is is terrible by anyones standards and what makes it harder is how it is always those who care who get dragged down with them... and they claim to love us but is this the way to show it? by making us hurt with them? when they could help themselves a lot and others by just following common sense good health tips.. simple stuff, like rest and eat and being kind to self and not choosing helplessness as a way of life... sorry, i just get so upset about this sometimes

((nowheretorun)))
It is very hard to watch parents harm themselfs((thier health)) or even a relative as in my ((sister))
Keeping ones patiences can be very hard.Sorry you are having to deal with this
As with my parents they drank. My sister too plus drugs. My sister was blessed she made it. I decided when she needed it I helped her. I put her in rehab. Acually she was bakeracted. ((prolly spelled wrong))
Your right it does drag the whole family down.
I am not sure they at a certain point are aware of what they are doing? They still love....they themselfs at that point have lost sight of themselfs i think.
I am not sure if my parents were even aware of how much pain it caused me and my children......
With my sister she relaized after what she had lost.....How much with her neice and nephew, she could never get that back.
Not sure if this helps .....its the only way i know how to explain it with out useing my real life.
I know in my heart my parents loved me ....they just got lost in thier ill health.
But your right so hard to watch
muffy

[purplebutterfly]

(((((((nowheretorun))))))

[nowheretorun]

thanks again ((muffy))) and (((purple))))

i want to feel like you muffy, that they do love me... they have always said so and i guess to me it means that when the chips are down they will always be there, helping me as needed.... they have never closed the doors completely, in fact my mom is the opposite, always welcoming me in and making arrangements so i feel welcome to stay as long as i like... but it is just so hard to witness what she does to herself in ways of poor health decisions.. i'm not talking just skipping her juice here... she really needs some help and i do everything i can to be there for her but she doesnt do enough for her own good...

i dont want her to suddenly become a saint or anything, just think about some of her choices and how procrastinating matters of her health are not helping at all....

hugs to all of you who are dealing with this in some way yourselves...

[nowheretorun]

Originally Posted by free2beme

((((((((((((nowheretorun))))))))))))

I accept the pain of my resistance to change because through it,
i move forward.

thanks for this Free2be the attitude of moving forward matters so much in life... if i had stayed down where i was i'm sure i could label life as hell too and if i had just given up and let the dark side have me, then i would be one of the ones saying life is a drag and never gets better... simple 'movement' changes all that... sending hope and care to you also

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((( nowheretorun ))))))))))))))))))

[nowheretorun]

Originally Posted by turquoisesea

*hugs* I agree with the other replies too
your posts have always been uplifting and helpful.
Reading your post I have realized some of this, that so many of us are so down on ourselves and made bad choices that it is our own doing that we are down. And we don't pick the way out. sometimes its hard. but even if it's hard to see sometimes, some of us are on the way up even if there are many stones and roadblocks on the way this place and people around help to break them away, even though it's a long road to take. I know personally I often fall backward. I use coping skills that are not helpful. I make bad choices. But I also know that compared to even a few months ago, I am moving on a different path. The other path was downhill completely, but this one at least I am moving away from the dark path. I'll try to make moves down the right forks in the road and go through the suffering required to get better.

You have been so helpful to so many. Don't let the negative feelings make you think there is nothing better. Reading your post, I realized that there is so much sadness here, but I also realize that people are helped. Loads of hugs, and thanks so much for everything you've done

(((sea))))) thank you for this... it improves my mood so much to know there are those out there who are really trying, really hoping, really working on themselves... i know that we often describe the growing process as something painful that must be endured and leaves us so exhauted that we want to know when we get the benefits of this self work..

sometimes i can see it around myself easily and others i feel that familiar old down feeling and get the sinking thoughts going around my head again and sometimes i just want to disappear into nothingness myself... and then i think of someone... someone out there who i miss in a way that i hope none of you will ever have to experience though i fear some of you have, and it makes me clamp down on my jaw and say loudly NO! I WILL NOT GIVE UP! someone out there matters very much to me always and i never forget

[turquoisesea]

*hugs*
loads loads of hugs

[kebsfroggy]

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass.
It's about learning to dance in the rain."

Hope you enjoy dancing in the rain. (You may have to bring the snow inside and place it before the fire to make rain but I know you can do it.)

[jacq10]

(((((nowhere))))))
I'm sorry I haven't been on the boards a whole lot, but I am and always will be here for you. You are so inspiring and I love reading your words... so much of what you say I can connect with.
You are a good, kind, beautiful person with much to offer. I hope you realise how exceptional of a person you truly are, and can recognize what beauty you contribute to the world and every person's life you touch.

[nowheretorun]

(((Kebs)))))) i think you still set a respectable mark in the words of wisdom category even if you are a frog of little brain but i know underneath the wit and wise words is a heart full of care and empathy for us... thank you for being my friend always

(((((Jacq))))) you mustn't let yourself feel bad for not being here.. you know what times are good for you to come be with us and share your good energy.. our friendship will never change over time, we can care for each other anytime, anywhere we are and we can remember each other and the others here all day... maybe we might not pop in because something else happens but that doesnt mean that we care less.... lots of hugs for you

[Fuzzybear]

[nowheretorun]

((fuzzybear)))))) i hope you are well hon, friends always