[Taonuviel]

i don't even want things to change anymore, i just want to die. it's hopeless, living isn't worth the fight. it's hopeless.

[pegasus]

((((((( Taonuviel )))))))

I am worried for you, is there anyone you can contact? Do you need to go to hospital? Please take care of you.

[Capp]

Originally Posted by Taonuviel

i don't even want things to change anymore, i just want to die. it's hopeless, living isn't worth the fight. it's hopeless.

no it's not hopeless
life will be good again so it's worth the fight
you are tired in mind and soul; don't give up.
you are a wonderful human being going through a tough time
I believe in you,
Cap

[Taonuviel]

no, it's all useless.

life's never been good, there's nothing to fight for.

[pegasus]

((((( Tao )))))

It's not useless, it's not hopeless though you feel this way right now. You are young yet, you don't know what the future may bring. I'll sit with you here but please contact someone and talk this through.

[Capp]

Originally Posted by pegasus

((((( Tao )))))

It's not useless, it's not hopeless though you feel this way right now. You are young yet, you don't know what the future may bring. I'll sit with you here but please contact someone and talk this through.

So True, Tao...

we'll sit with you together
but please call someone, ok??

Cap

[Taonuviel]

i'm not going to call anyone. i'm not going anywhere, i'm at home, i won't do anything here.

[Capp]

talk to us...
hearts are listening

do you have anyone to call?

[Taonuviel]

no, no one to call.

[Capp]

Originally Posted by Taonuviel

i'm not going to call anyone. i'm not going anywhere, i'm at home, i won't do anything here.

sorry--I posted about the same time you did

want to share what's going on?

[Taonuviel]

i've fought depression almost 15 years, since i was 9. i'm sick of it, i've tried everything to find relief, and there is none. i'm not willing to believe, to try, to hope anymore, i just want it to end. life isn't worth this, just to spend another 60+/- years constantly fighting this, alone.

[pegasus]

Hang in there friend, still sitting with you.

[Storme]

the thing is you don't know what's around the corner. What if you give in today, then miss out on something good that could happen tomorrow to change your view? I can understand how tiring that fight is, but that hope is a powerful thing. Keep reaching out here, because even if you feel alone where you are right now there are people here willing to listen and support you because you're worth that care and worth that time and worth that support.

[turquoisesea]

*hugs*
I can't imagine the pain... the realization that you've been depressed so long and haven't gotten well. It's bad enough for me, and I havent been there as long as you.
That doesn't make you hopeless. It sucks. But hold onto that hope that there is a way to dig out of the hole you're in.
try to think as short term as possible.

sending you loads of hugs

[Taonuviel]

there's no way through this, i'm stuck. it's just enduring in the emotional torment until i become darkly numb again... and if i fail it's just back to the cycle - hospital, short stabilization, downward spiral back to where i am now, repeat until completion.
i'm so sorry. i long to talk with someone, but only drag you into this, i wish i had stayed away, but i just keep coming back because i can't stand being alone. maybe i should just be banned, but that'd be horrible too. at least i wouldn't be dragging anyone else down, though.
i'm so sorry if i've stepped over the line in posting this. i'm not planning anything yet... i just know that's where i'm headed... i'm sorry.

[turquoisesea]

you're not pulling me down
I care about you and I want to see you safe
Do you need to go to ER?

I'm sorry it's such a horrible cycle. We just have to find what breaks it. *laughs at myself* - "just" ... what a hypocrite x.x
seriously though... it takes time... TOOO much time for you. But you can't find it if you end things. You can't find it if you stop looking.

PLEASE keep safe.

*stays with you*

and never worry about pulling people down. We're here for you.

[pegasus]

((((((( Tao ))))))))

I know you are in a dark place right now but it won't always be like this. You recognize there is a cycle to this, that means you can start to do something about it, with help.

Keep talking here, you won't be banned for expressing your feelings.

Use some distractions if things get too much, stay online if it helps, and please be safe.

[Ascension]

Hey new here, but I am worried. If you don't have the strength to fight then rest, but please don't you dare give up. Catch your breath, do what you need to, but be safe. Find peace in whatever you need to. Use whatever coping skills you have, and you would appear to have some, as you have helped lot of other people from the number of posts you have made here. We would like to return the favor to you in some small way.

[Ascension]

We aren't going down with you but we will reach down into the darkness to pull you back if we have to. We aren't worried about getting caught up in it because we are in it with you.

[cantstopcrying]

(((((((((Tao))))))))) Reach out, into your faith. I know you have deep faith and a connection to your church. Call someone from there. Please. I know you say you are at home and won't do anything there....what about when you go back to school? I know you've thought a lot about it. I also know you have said you won't go back to the ER, but Tao, you are important! You have a purpose in life, honey. Who knows what it is! No, your purpose isn't to hurt like this, but you'll come through this with the knowledge and healing that you are a survivor. Please, Tao, please....it doesn't matter who you call, but call someone or go in to the ER, any ER. If you think there is no one to call, you are wrong. There is always someone, hon. Reach out because YOU ARE WORTH IT!

[Taonuviel]

i'm not going to the er. and i don't want to be safe, i want to end this! but i'm safe for now.

[Ascension]

Thanks for logging in to tell us. I know it's hard and if you need to be in this place then I can respect that. I hope maybe the pain you are in now will push you to reach out when you are ready and that you don't something that can't be undone.

[turquoisesea]

*hugs tao*
I'm glad you're safe for now.
I want you to feel better.
Don't give up everything you've been working for. When in the past I've gotten very dark thoughts I lose sight of what I'm looking for. My mind lies to me and takes only the bad into account. I twist things. I know things are bad. But it's easy to lose sight of the good when we are like this.

Take a rest, if you can. Give yourself treats. Simple things.
Some responses here mentioned that you can't do anything at home, that you're going back to school... is that true?
If so... well I'm at home now and it makes things HORRIBLE for me... keep in mind if this is true that you are in a location that doesn't help you, and that you're not there forever. A few weeks may seem a long time, full of torture and pain, but you can make it. I know you can. You've made it through before, you can again. It's hard when you can't see the goal. Remember the goal can be seen again though it will take time.

Loads of hugs
I'm sorry if I lost you in the post

I care about you, I hope you'll be ok, if there's anything I can do let me know.

[Taonuviel]

i'm safe at home because i won't do anything here. i have to go out tomorrow night, and may not be safe. or friday night. or when i return to school monday. being out gives me opportunity.

[turquoisesea]

For now... if you are safe... try to rest. Prepare for the trials that are to come. Tomorrow when you go out, pretend I am there with you, holding your hand. I can't physically be there. I can be there in spirit. If you want print out my avatar... that sea... or my little dragon puff. Or bring a token of something, anything that means something to you. Something that you can hold onto when the world spins around you and you want to go.

I too need a token of meaning and hope. I will be looking for something to carry with me now to keep me going through. Since you have to face this tomorrow, there isn't a ton of time but, surely enough to print out something... or write something on paper, or choose just one object that you can have with you and hold.


I'm sorry this sounds so corny... but I want to be there and it's the best way I can think of to do that from here. *hugs*