[SweetSunshine]

i'm tired of dealing tired of feeling the things that i do. i'm tired of fighting the good fight. wondering if it will ever be true. i'm sick of my family, sick of being me.stuck in a bad dream or life whatever it may be. i am lost as what to do anymore. it always seems that i fail everything i do. i'm sorry for those of you i failed here. please dont be mad at me.

tryin

[mj14]

Oh Tryin, honey,

I'm so sorry you are feeling bad...I do understand that feeling so very well. But please know that you do not fail at everything you do. You are so kind, and caring, and give your heart so freely...those are rare and wonderful characteristics. You have been such a good friend to me, certainly not a failure.

A long time ago now, my dad and I were driving back up to college for the start of the semester. I was driving the car, going about 55 miles and hour, and suddenly hit a patch of black ice. The car spun, and when I turned the wheel into the spin, it just spun back the other way. So there I was, at the wheel as the car fishtailed wildly back and forth, sliding down the road for what seemed like forever. I didn't think the car would ever stop, and all I wanted to do was give up. I was crying, saying "I can't do this, I can't do this..." And my dad, who usually deals with things like this by yelling, just sat calmly beside me telling me over and over, "You're doing great, just keep it up..." I always remember that time when it seems like life is just spinning out of control and I can't do anything to stop it. And I remember my dad saying, "You're doing great, just keep it up." Because even when we can't see the end, if we keep working at it, there is a better time ahead.

You are doing the right things, working on making things better for yourself. So let me be the one to tell you, "you're doing great, just keep it up." And I know that you are gonna get heading down the road again.

*hugs*
Love ya,
Jo

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((((((Tryin))))))))))))))))))))

Bearhugs,
Fuzzy

[h0kie]

You are not a failure. Something(s) you have tried were not successful. Scrap them and move on.

Keep on, keepin on. And like mj said, you're doing great. Baby steps.

You didn't get this way overnight and you won't get better overnight.

[Wants2Fly]

Hi Tryin --

A quotation on another list (ty Isolated Guy) points out that a failure is an [i]event[i], not a person. Meaning that is a result of some action we have taken -- but it is not the core of one's identity. The famous story of course is Edison and his thousand light bulbs. All those attempts to produce a lightbulb were failures -- except the one that wasn't But Edison himself wasn't a "failure."

I am glad you are here, and I thank you for the many times you been around to offer kind words or a hug. Sometimes life is overwhelming -- hope you feel better tomorrow.

[nightdream]

I'm sorry. I wish I could help you. You are a very special person with a very kind heart.

Sometime people or life is too demanding of us that's why we fail. But you are not a failure and I don't think you have failed anyone here.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Tryin}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

nightdream

[DocClyde]

No one can be mad at you for speaking your feelings. I myself feel the way you do sometimes. The best thing to remember is that (which has been mentioned before) the event is temporary, you are more than just the event.

The event is over physically after a few seconds, minutes, or hours. How you deal with it can last a lifetime yes, but remember, you survived this much because you are a strong person inside, even if you do not feel so.

I have known things about myself that made me feel miserable. But it is easy to keep thinking to myself and making myself miserable, when those others involved in the past events of my life are not even thinking about those things anymore. I do not mean to imply to feel and think about the past is not normal, or natural, it is. But I do believe, that you are a strong person. You would not of reached out for help if you did not feel the need. Use this event as a positive, the event of all of us trying to help you, and may there be nothing but positive events and people the rest of your life.

Nice meeting you!

[Maya]

Tryin, I feel with you through this! How many times have I told my T the very words you just wrote - how many times have I written those words in my journal I write for him each week - word for word. I think depression is such in insidious dis-ease that we get caught up in the feeling of depression and lose track of the reality that there are ups and downs (maybe more downs than ups for me, usually) but there are ups. Perhaps you like the fragrance of a certain flower, a sunset that caught our attention, some favorite music you like that makes you feel better than usual. We have all failed at something in our lives and if it happened when we were children and that failure has been with us into adulthood then we tend to think of "ourselves" as failures. We are not failures - some of our actions may have failed but we are not. Many people are sending you warm wishes and support at this moment.

[cms39]

Trying, I'd like to thank you for being so supportive of me. You're great!!

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((((((( tryin ))))))))))))))))))))))) you've been so kind to me...kind to everyone i've ever seen. that in itself can be so exhausting. i'm sorry you're feeing so badly. i'm wishing lots for you right now.

[SweetSunshine]

Jo, you are soo good!! My goodness your dad and my dad sound so much alike! I can remember a similar time to yours really but I was learning how to drive, and dad took me down the most winding road we had in town. I mean its winding! I was on the white line or past it most of the time that first time lol. He kept pulling me back towards the center and I would pull back lol. And then we'd both start laughing. It was scarey but he had so much patience with me And I was sooo thankful for that. But boy did the table turn when I had 2 accidents in 1 day both with telephone poles! He first asked if I was ok , Yeah dad I'm fine . OK how are you going to pay for the damage lol. Well they were just small fender benders but enough that I would be totally embarrasssed to ever drive it that way lol. So we agreed that he would pay for it and I would pay him off with extra chores OYY did I regret that in a way!! But it worked and we were both happy in the end. My dad wasnt all bad , he had his moments though. That is where I got some of my loyalty to family I guess .And trying to make sure he is taken cared of.

You were so right, I just needed to wait out the moment and pick up speed again, Just wish I didnt have this lumpy bump in the road here lol. Ohh well such is life!

Thanks so much~

Hugz~
Beth

[SweetSunshine]

Thanks Fuzzy~ Hugs back to ya ~ (((((((((FUZZY))))))))))

Hugz~
Beth

[SweetSunshine]

Thanks Fuzzy ~~ (((((((((((FUZZY))))))))) for your hugs you get some back lol .

Hugz~
Tryin

[SweetSunshine]

Im not when I dont feel like I am but when I do I am lol. As Confucious would say LOL!!! And JUST ABOUT everything I have done has been a failure , but i think i am hearing that is normal? LOL JK!How do I put them in a scrapbook Erin? I cant remember them all ~! LOL
I have to take babysteps,my legs are too short LOL ~!! Dontcha love my reply so far~? LOL I am cracking up here for some reason and I dont know WHyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy lol. And I think I know it didnt happen over night cause its like what29 yrs later and I aint telling how many pounds lol .Ohh you said overnight lol I thought it said oveweight lol OMG ~ HELP!

Hugz~
Beth

[SweetSunshine]

(((((((( WANTS2FLY)))))))) Thanks so much for your understanding and patience. I appreciate it so much and your words were right on the spot. Thanks for being here too !!!

Hugz~
Tryin

[SweetSunshine]

((((((((( NIGHTDREAM))))))))))))) You know I know you understand that deeper than alot will ever know. You 've been thru so much too. My heart goes out to you . Thanks for your kind heart and words hon. Hang in there~ thinkin of ya.

Hugz~
Tryin

[SweetSunshine]

(((((((ClydeMED)))))))) Thanks for your reply bud. Life is such a downer sometimes , we just have to be pluggers eh? lol. I wish this would sink in a bit earlier than it does for me . I know this stuff, but seems like the other crap just clouds over it. So many of you have told me I am a strong person. I think I know this in my mindseye, but the heart is tired of struggling with things so much.

The people here have been a positive thing in my life. I am very fortunate for having found this place or it finding me . I have come to love each and everyone of you as a friend . Thanks for your reply Clyde~

Hugz~
Tryin

[SweetSunshine]

(((((((((( MAYA)))))))))) Sorry you have to go thru this too. It truly does bite doesnt it? I should journal better but right now , my t has me journaling for the cutting , I guess getting me more accustomed to doing it. I do try to do some of those up things you mentioned. Things to relax me . Take my mind off the problems and insecurities. But they still come back and haunt me . As I am sure you know. Thanks for replying and for your concern and kindnesses. Iappreciate them.

Hugz ~
Tryin

[SweetSunshine]

(((((((((CMS)))))))))I wish I did a better job of that hon. Even in my absenteeism of mind and thoughs, know that I am there thinking of you . Sometimes I dont know what to say or do to be more supportive. But I never forget about any of you. Thanks for being a good friend here. Keep your chin up too ok?

Hugz~
Beth

[SweetSunshine]

((((((((((KIMMYDAWN)))))))) Thanks for your kindnesses too. YOu are much appreciated around here. Stretching your heart and hand out to everyone to help them thru their struggles. You've got one of the biggest hearts I've ever seen, much like my moms. And hers was huge! Thanks again~

Hugz~
Beth