[poptardqueen]

I was just wondering how many of you constantly walk this fine line between hospitalization and remaining 'outside' with your therapists.

Until recently I was very open with my T about the selfdestructive acts I did to myself, feeling it was my obligation to let her know. But it got to the point that she theratened to stop seeing me unless she told me parents and made me move back home until I was 'stable.'

stable, ha! Far from it I am afraid. I am back up to my old tricks. Pushing the lethal limits on med ingestions and carving myself up even in public places (something I have never resorted to before)

I want to tell her this, but she will just make me move back home. And although I know you will all tell me this is the best thing, you would have to consider my familial situation right now.

My parents are in the middle of a NASTY divorce. And when I say middle, I mean they just made if official a few days ago via court. Of course I am 20 and live in an apt. by myself, so custody is no issue or anything. But making me move back into that situation wouldnt help anything.
But I dont knwo what to do. At this rate I am going to die by my own hand. And from this vantage point it seems inevitable.
This is no suicidal post, so dont get that in your head.

I just dont know how to ask for help without the threat of losing my apartment.

If I lost my apartment that would be the end. No questions asked. Just consider my situation.

I just want some advice.

Please?

I'm lost. And I feel like everyone tells on me in the end and I just get in trouble. My life is one big series of me getting in trouble for how I feel.

[wanttoheal]

have you considered a new t? this one does not sound very supportive considering . . .

*HUGS*
You sound like you are really hurting. I hope you reach out for more people in your support group. I know sometimes that it is hard to find. There are hospitalization day programs that may provide the extra support that you need. I'd also suggest getting on meds maybe if just for a short while until things get calmer. A psychiatrist can help you with that. Please keep yourself safe!

[silver_queen]

I agree with wantto... i would more expect that your t would try to work out what is motivating you to SI and which distraction techniques work best for you, rather than threaten you... does she know that if you go home, things will be worse for you?

[poptardqueen]

Maybe this strikes my T in a bad light, but I am so dependent on her for breathing it isnt funny. She IS a good T even from objective standards. She just old me that she cant sit by and listen to me tell her about my recent suicide attempt and not do anything about it. She agrees that inpatient has done little in the past except make me shape up for a week or so (since I always put on my happy face and dance my way out) so she sees the only way to deal with it is through my family....

I just STILL dont like this option

[poptardqueen]

Hey esther

I am on meds now. Have been for several years. I currently take lamictal, abilify, wellbutrin and somnote for sleep. I've never been given a difinitive Dx my my psychiatrist, but I've been Dx by others with: BP II, Borderline PD, GAD, panic disorder, Major Depression, EDNOS, Depersonalization, and the list goes on...

I've thought about day programs and theyve been suggested to me, but I am an aspiring med student (ha, like that will even happen whilst trapped in this brain of mine) and its just not possible.

Thank you for thinking of me dear

[cat_eye]

yeah dude...that T sounds a bit shady to me. I don't know what else to say, but I can give safe hugs:

((((((((pop))))))))