this is not a good place.
need to release the feelings somehow
in a good way---
want to sleep it all away.
breaking this unhealthy bond with friend is so painful
like pulling out fishing hooks and barbs
all thru my soul
all thru my insiders
all thru my being
how could i have gotten so hooked
how could i have let myself slide back into this
can't think about it or i feel sick
keep myself numb and dissociated
so not here..........

[pegasus]

Change is difficult even when it is for the better. Remind all of you that in the long run this is going to be so much better for you. Pulling out fishing hooks and barbs is painful but ultimately healing.

Hugs ((((((((((( white iris )))))))))))))

[Sannah]

Do you want to talk further?

[iamtwilight]

understand this very well - it is hard to break out of the habit that has kept us alive.

we haven't been here for a while so i'm not up to date of your situation, but yes, breaking the bond with a friend is very difficult. even if it's unhealthy. but you are doing the right thing. in the end it will turn out ok.

been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

sending lots of strength your way

twilight

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( the constellation )))))))))))))))))

[Hunny]

White_Iris

Constellation/Cave

IS

[beadlady29-old]

{{{{{{{{{{{{White Iris}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

we kind of unnerstand where youare at because has also
stuffed our feelings, stuffed them and stuffed them and wehn we dont think there is room for anymore we stuff some more........
reaching down and digging out the feeings adn being able to connect it to any of us is indeed quite a difficult task to undertake, but healing is possible and it willhappen
hang in there,

mary and all of us beadys

Thanks (((((((((((everyone)))))))))))

Feelings are so difficult.
It will get easier, I am sure. In the meantime I wade thru muck.
Pretty deep muck right now, but at least i see some solid ground
ahead.

seems to be a delicate balancing act here.
T seemed to want to "fix" things yesterday as did a RL friend.
We don't want "fixes". We want ppl to understand that it is "broken"
and can't be fixed. Help us walk thru the grief process of ending
a very deep, bonded and strong, though very toxic, relationship. Let us be where we are and meet us there. Seems like T and RL friends don't get it.

[beadlady29-old]

iffen you would like beads will join you and walk with you on the path towards healing,
share your greif, feel your pain........
wade thru the muck and the mud......
just sits, jsut be when taht is all you can do

mary and all of us beadys

[Miracle1986]

(((White Iris)))
Is it so hard when people don't get it. *nods*

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by white_iris

T seemed to want to "fix" things yesterday as did a RL friend.
We don't want "fixes". We want ppl to understand that it is "broken"
and can't be fixed. Help us walk thru the grief process of ending
a very deep, bonded and strong, though very toxic, relationship. Let us be where we are and meet us there. Seems like T and RL friends don't get it.

Very wise to know what you need! Good Work! Do you need any help today?

[Rasta Rascal]

WI It’s ok to feel what you feel and be exactly where you are. Processing loss takes time and you must do it at your own pace. Please know that you are not alone and I, and I’m certain others here at PC, will be here to support and comfort you.

Although your RL friend and T “don’t get it,” remember, their lack of understanding and desire to “fix” things is likely because they care about you very much and don’t want to see you hurting or in emotional distress.

Be kind to yourself.

Sending healing vibes.

Because I care…

RR

i agree with your wisdom of knowing what you need regarding this relationship and applaud your strength. i understand it's very hard for you. It sounds like you tried to work things out ad nauseum and came to a very healthy, though difficult decision.

i hope you can take it one step further by letting your T and RL friend know you appreciate their problem solving efforts but that you've thought long and hard about this and feel it's in your best interest to end the relationship and hope they can support you with it. i think people who care about you automatically try to help fix things. You're wise enough to know that's not where you're at any more and i say, more power to you.

i know it's been very hard for you but please keep hanging on to your conviction. You know what's best for you and i applaud you.

[Fuzzybear]

[Crew]

white_iris ,

HUGS may not always Help but I hope ours helps a little. Express your sorrow, let your tears flow into a nice stream then race paper boats on your tears, as I make a paper boat to warm you as you cry.
You to white iris and we care ((((((((((((((white_iris)))))))))))))
ThaCrewKids

It feels good to know that there are those who DO get it
we mailed the phone back yesterday----the one she sent us so we could talk for free----end of daily/several times a day communications. closure?
to Naomi it felt like a burial with no ritual. Her heart is shattered and she is nearly inconsolable. her best and only RL friend was one of "the friend's" insiders. and Naomi carries the hurt and pain and sadness for the whole system. It's grief multiplied in intensity.

Trying all the grounding skills and tools available to us. But letting her talk inside and outside is all we can really do. but she feels no RL person understands---esp. what got stirred up when the post person tossed the box with the phone in the container.......

[Sannah]

Good Work Iris!

Had T session on Fri. We were able to talk to T about the last session and how we weren't feeling heard----esp. Naomi.
It turned out to be a good though very hard session for her.

Didn't realize just how much unresolved grief Naomi holds toward
losing baby jennifer and how things in the present get so tangled up
in all of that.

The great news is that T LISTENED!!!!!!! Heard her pain about several things and didn't try to "fix" or distract. Lots of tears here, but they were cleansing and something way past needed. It feels like there are oceans
more of tears.

[Sannah]

Good news! Good Work!

laying low today.
exhausted mentally. grief work= sadness, pain, triggers, and so many other things...... cleaned the house today. avoiding doing homework for T which is writing a letter to Baby J and to "friend".......each time i think of writing i get sick to my stomach, my head hurts, and tho we want to cry, hold back and hold back some more.

we know that continually distracting only prolongs the process......but it just is so da__ hard!!!!!

[multipixie9]

dear white_iris,

i am so sorry for your losses. even when you know that what you are doing the wisest thing, the price in tears and pain is very very high. i think the loneliness is the hardest thing to bear in being DID and a survivor. i have almost always been a loner because it was forced upon me and my social skills were hampered growing up by the insane and horrid way we lived in abuse.

every friendship i tried and lost has been another little death in my life and at 55 i have one online friendship with another survivor, two daughters who love me and beyond that i walk alone. if i did not have a relationship with God i do not think i could bear the loneliness of my life.

i've had some sick friendships and i've allowed some people to suck me into their mind-games or toxic set ups and i strongly seek to avoid doing that to myself and to my pixies (i strongly object to any of my pixies doing that to me either). i will not trade my soul or my dignity for any more imitations.

as painful as your life is for now, i applaud you for taking steps to stop an unhealthy situation. perhaps you can seek more support online here and with anyone healthy you know while you get used to the changes that come with stopping your former "friendship".

sending you warm hugs if you want them

Leslie and her pixies

[Sannah]

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( white iris )))))))))))))))


love
furry paws

[Fuzzybear]

PS I also have had to end unhealthy toxic "friendships" and know how much it hurts if we care about the person... seems there are reminders everywhere.....