[alikat]

for so long i have been in "control". i don't want to do it anymore.i have been so tired for so long. but i can't sleep for more than 2 hours at a time. i love being a mom but are my kids better off w/their dad.he tells them i'm crazy.the switching is getting intolerable.kat makes demands. lady katherine tries to reason. allie works too much. poppy just cries. chattering chattering.just want it to stop. meds not the answer.maybe they are the question.

[kimmydawn]

alikat, i'm so sorry that things are so difficult right now. you sound so completely overwhelmed and exhausted. i hope mental, emotional and physical respite for you soon.

are you in therapy?

i wish you well,

[RhysMadison]

What I learned is when chaos strikes inside that means you are getting closer to something. To recovery, getting better, or just plain a little secret that's being uncovered.
I hope things calm down for you soon. You're in my thoughts.
Love,
RhysMadison

[Mahali]

It is time for a rest. I am not sure what you mean by meds being the question. This will pass alikat. Times are hard right now but they will get better.

Take a break and get some rest. I know what it is like to not sleep. Exhaustion is your worst enemy right now.

Find a way to get some safe rest and then see if things are not better.

I agree with RhysMadison. Upset is a time of change. This could be a very good change.

Stay safe.

place

alikat et al,

It does indeed sound like you may want to bring up meds when you next see your doctor. Are you working with a pdoc and therapist? If you have both and they understand dissociative disorders they can help all of you get through times like these. That's why we pay 'em the big bucks!

Seriously, please consider making some notes for the crew about how the lack of internal quiet is making it exhausting for you.

You are not crazy. You are dealing with PTSD and DID in addition to other things. The healing can feel like crazy but it is not.

I think that you are a very loving wise mother to know that right now you are not able to be full time mom. Your children are lucky to be so loved. He's the crazy one for not speaking respectfully about you in front of the children.

[alikat]

ty guys.don't know where my headwent to there. i am so scared that i will end up hospitalized again. i CANNOT afford that right now. too much to lose. i know i know, should put my mental welfare first, but if i do those damn vultures in my past are just waiting.

this may sound kind of funny, but how do i explain to you all when and where this all started. (i feel a bit awkward posting when you all don't really know my history)

How do you explain? You jump right in anywhere along the way of your story and we'll catch up as best we can.

Happy b-day alikat.

You can use the private message feature to contact folks who offer that to you. You could use chat and talk in there or even set up a private chat room so that you can decide which folks you want to share with. You could post here bit by bit as you're able.

You have many options and I'm glad you're here. Please stay safe and do what you must to remain that way. If no hospital then by all means stay safe!! (can you tell I worry a bit? )

Go at the speed that works for all of you.

[kimmydawn]

alikat, that was a biggie for me when i first started here as well. i jumped in explaining what was going on in current life that was giving me a hard time and how it related to past the the triggers that i or insiders were feeling.

you say what's comfortable for you. we're here to listen and support.

kd

[nothemama8]

We have found that anything can be said here and no one judges, we we're scared that if we told we would be asked to leave or not be believed that didn't happen, We are accepted, and so shall you
Angie

[RhysMadison]

You can post in the forum or PM me or another here. Just start talking & you'll find the words will just come out when you know you're safe here & we will support you & give you the understanding you deserve.
Love,
RhysMadison

[dayzee9]

((((((((((Yo Ali!))))))))))

How long have you been out of serious therapy? Was there ever really a time when everyone else tried to cooperate?

In here, we have a "sign up timesheet"....that way, whoever has any particular, individual "project" or "activity" in mind...they sign up for a block of time. Does not always work, though. IE: I'm supposed to be moderating my own website this time of night, but Laura cut in front to play Martha Stewart in the kitchen tonight....for a few HOURS!!!!

Did you ever have an "ISH"? Inside Self-helper? A...moderator? That's a method that worked for us for a very long time for awhile....

Hold on tight, Ali.......you're NOT ALONE!!!

(((Gotta go DAYZEE9))))))))

[alikat]

i've been ouy of "serious" therapy for about 3 1/2 years.can't believe it's been that long!went back last month when things started unravelling again.

inside there is the Processor who takes triggers or flashbacks and somehow avails them to the Others who use them to put the "whole picture" together.the Littles are off limits as they don't understand what we are trying to do.

i thought i'd gotten to the point where everyone was allotted their own space and time, but now i wonder.yesterday at work i was definitely in the background.a few people thought something was up.good thing i had mindless stuff to do.

has anyone ever "lost" an alter?during integration therapy some of the Others seemed to disappear.