[AShadow721]

I'm just wondering if anyone has had an alter show up that they didn't know existed when trying to piece together memories and work through their past traumas that they don't remember completely? I've been trying to work through my traumas a little on my own without a T, and I feel like someone inside me is popping up and protecting me from remembering, bc he doesn't think I'm ready. Does that make sense?

[justdontknow]

Shadow,

Yes, this has happened to us. We were battling some inner evil and we had a little show herself for the first time. Other new ones have shown up too but not always during trauma work. We have found that many times we find out new information only when we are physically, emotionally and mentally ready to handle it. Hopefully this helps a little. Thank you for posting to this forum.

Faith

[AShadow721]

Thank you for answering me. Now I can feel some relief. He was very upset before, waiting for someone to answer him. He seems very impatient, co-dependent, depressed, lonely, protective, manic, and angry. I read something about how to communicate with him. I tried to write to him and he was very angry with me for trying to remember the trauma. He told me I'll never find out, it's not my job to remember, I need to shut the &*^% up and stop it. When I tried to write to my husband, he got very upset. He told me I couldn't talk to my husband, because my husband will try to get me to tell him things. Yes, many times he has asked me about traumas that I wasn't ready or wanted to talk about, but it's only because he cares. And he's usually very understanding and supportive.

[WePow]

Yes. Mick was always hidden from us until just this past year after we started therapy. She had the most pain and hidden parts of her own. I could feel another take over when I was angry, but could not make contact with that part of me. So I focused on the alters who did want to talk. Then one day Mick comes out in all her prior rage and she did it because she wanted me to know she was there too. It did trip me out. But that was the very best thing that could ever have happened.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by AShadow721

I'm just wondering if anyone has had an alter show up that they didn't know existed when trying to piece together memories and work through their past traumas that they don't remember completely? I've been trying to work through my traumas a little on my own without a T, and I feel like someone inside me is popping up and protecting me from remembering, bc he doesn't think I'm ready. Does that make sense?

I had no idea I had alters until after a therapist recognized my symptoms and I was tested and diagnosed with DID. then the doctor sat down with me and explained when I was losing time and not remembering what was going on from day to day , hour to hour, week to week, year to year, alternate personalities we carrying on so that others in my life would not know what had happened to me.

It took years and years of therapy to become co conscious (aware of ) those alters and then it took years and years in therapy to uncover each separate ones memories and then took even more time for me to adjust and accept those memories and emotions were mine , and then my alters became one with me.

Becoming co conscious of the alters and discovering the buried memories/emotions is going to take time and will only happen when you and that alter with the memories you are looking for are completely ready to handle the feelings/emotions and reality of what happened to you. Alters are created to take care of what you could not handle as a child so its understandable that they would continue their jobs of shielding you from those memories that you cant not yet fully handle on your own.

give it time, give yourself time to understand and be comfortable with what you already know and when the time is right those buried memories will become accessible to you.

[AShadow721]

Well, I already came to the conclusion that I have been dissociating. I've had dissociative amnesia. There are major memory gaps in my life. I can only remember pieces of abuse, at least in my childhood. I do lose time, I wake up and then it's night time so fast, and I hardly remember if I did one thing during the day. I didn't think I was spilting into alters. And I don't think I have become aware of this part, if I hadn't been trying to remember an incident in the past couple days. I had an intense flashback last month and this alter came out then as well, only I didn't understand it or try to talk to it. When I did try to remember something the other night I felt extreme fear and anxiety and I felt the same way when I tried communicating with this alter, I became physically sick and had to stop. I know I'm not ready to remember everything and this part is doing his job by protecting me from the memories. I just want to get better for my son and my husband.

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((AShadow721))))

Thank you for posting. Sorry I am just now answering. Yes, I have had others within that did not come out until I was ready for them. It seems that those within know when I can handle things. Some have come out and I did not know it and have talked but I was not aware of what happened or what they said. I had some new ones just step forth not to long ago.

One, Silence, did not step forward until it was time for the silence to be broken. She held that silence back so that we could survive and until I had gotten to the place that it was okay and time for her to step forward she did not. But it was a good thing and I am glad that she took care of herself and all of us and she knew when it was time to step forth.

There are many things that I only remember pieces of for I blocked it out and the others came forth. For so long, they did what I could not do--live. I cannot remember big parts of my life and yet I know that they hold it for me. I sometimes know it is night and then it is night again. Or maybe it has never left. I am unsure. I lose time that way and I know how it is unnerving and hard.

AShadow, you will get better in time. It took time for us to get this way and it will take time to get well. Be kind to yourself. I do hear you about wanting to get better for your son and husband. And you will. Please take care of you and remember to breathe. Know that we care and are here for you. Sending gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps

[AShadow721]

Originally Posted by darkpurplesecrets

There are many things that I only remember pieces of for I blocked it out and the others came forth. For so long, they did what I could not do--live. I cannot remember big parts of my life and yet I know that they hold it for me. I sometimes know it is night and then it is night again. Or maybe it has never left. I am unsure. I lose time that way and I know how it is unnerving and hard.

I relate to this 100%. That is my day-to-day or night-to-night life. I wish I was here grounded with my son all the time, but I usually drift off, although I see him in front of me, I don't feel like I'm really here. I've also lost years of my life. And there is a more recent trauma I'm HOPING to block out as well. And I ask myself, why? I'll have to go through all this uncovering the memories over again? But I can't handle it and I wish I could erase it from my life. But I told it all to my husband and he'll still always remember it. So would that be fair to him, for me to forget it all and let him remember? Now I can imagine the physical picture of what it is like to let the alter carry the memories. Thank you so much for responding to me dps. If only you all responded when my alter was out, since he was getting so upset and impatient waiting for a reply.

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((AShadow))))

I am sorry that I did not respond sooner. Things have been hard and I at the time really could not find any words to say. I want you to know that if the altar comes out and wants to please let them pm me and I will respond when I come back. I really do care and I know how it sometimes can be frustrating.

I am unsure of what the recent trauma was but know that when and if you want to talk we are here. And I am so sorry that this happened. I do know of how recent trauma affects us and I really am sorry you have experienced that. You didn't deserve that.

When my children were small, I do not remember so much as I floated through each day, not really knowing whether it was day, night, the next day, or anything. I tried to be sure that they were where they needed to be and on time but I really do not remember. Those within myself did take over so many times.

I remember when I would go to see t sometimes I did not know that I had been there before and would apologize to her for not being there yet she said I never missed an appointment. Yet I remember nothing. I know it is hard, I really do.

Right now I feel like I am here yet afraid to be. What is that about? All I know is you do make sense and I understand what you are saying. Know that you are not alone and that we do care. Please try to take care of yourself and do something kind for you. We are listening and hear you. Please keep posting and letting us know how you are doing. Sending gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps