Something Happened

Hello everyone,

I would really appreciate some support here, some explanation or understanding on what could have happened.

Last night (it is morning in Australia now), I lost myself. I don't remember anything since about 8 or 9 pm last night. I am having flashbacks of posting but only very quick flashes lots of colour. I don't remember what happened so I will have to go through my posts to see what I do and don't remember doing last night.

As I said I don't remember anything but DJ told me that I was talking, laughing, making comments and then I changed in a second; I was in sympathy for someone who felt that they just didn't count, weren't important and it really upset me. I was crying and felt so bad for this person (whom I cannot remember because I think I dissociated, the information I have comes from DJ).

I don't remember that happening I don't remember then apparently becoming sexual (I have vaginismus and haven't had intercourse for a very long time), and having intercourse with my partner, but I know I must have because I was bleeding this morning and very very sore.

Who was this? What happened? this is scaring me because I don't understand it can anyone help me please? please?

Hello Rhiannonsmoon! We are sorry you had such a scary experience!
We are sorry, we have just been getting caught up with some of your other posts, so we do not know if you have not experienced lost time like this before? We were just reading another thread from you, and are not sure if you ever were able to see a psychiatrist?
That must have been very frightening, but you are safe now. You may have behaved unusually, but it does not sound like anything bad happenend. We would focus on that, that you are present now, you see the objects in the room, feel the chair underneath you, feel your fingers against the keyboard.
It sounds like the thread you were responding to may have triggered you? That would be great to identify! Would that make sense for you?
Many safe 's for you, if it is safe to accept them! ~Julia

it certainly "sounds like" you may have dissociated. First of all, take a breath. Slow down deliberately and then look at the times of your posts to others during the time you may have dissociated to get some semblance of a time line. I am sorry that you are having such difficulty right now, and I am sure that given the circumstances I would be mighty scared myself about it. I hope you can find some rest for your soul for now, at least. I hope that you are able to slow down and find out what really happened during that time. I know it is a scary thing to dissociate, and sometimes all we can rely on is what our SO tells us about the events that happened.

Be gentle with yourself.

If this is dissociation, it's been going on for a long time, so don't panic. Becoming aware of things doesn't change what's been going on, it just changes your knowledge of it. Hang in there. Hope your Dr can figure out what's going on for you.

It sure does sound like dissociation. I have dissociated too but not for awhile. Sometimes it is just too much to feel reality so we have to do that. Take care of yourself.

while it could be dissociation....
I think one should be cautious of what to believe though....
it could also be the beginning of dementia (not meaning to scare you...but I've heard of people getting that even in their 40s - they blank out, a lot of short term memory losses)
It could also be an affect from some type of meds.

Can you ask your partner if you had sex with him? that way you would know for sure if you did or if you are bleeding from some medical problem.

Please, try not to be scared

maybe it's not a good way to think(wonder what the T. I see would say??).... but....
dissociation is a good friend of mine...
it's helped me get through somethings I would not have been able to otherwise
it doesn't have to be scary...
as long as you aren't in danger of hurting yourself or others.
(at least that's how I view it)

best to you and hope you get it all figured out soon

fins

I have a friend that this happens to, her doctors say its from not getting enough sleep. her body can take only so much of not sleeping before it will experience psychosis (for her it's abnormal thinking patterns where she ends up not knowing what she is doing, sort of like amnesia)

theres a woman who comes to the crisis center groups who this happened to. with her its malnutrition, anemia and dehydration. when she doesnt get the right amounts of food and water the chemicals, vitamins and minerals it affects her short term and long term memory.

I end up having memory problems and doing things I dont remember when my medications are not working right or are on the wrong dosages.

I used to have this problem related to having dissociative Fugue, Dissociative amnesia and Dissociative Identity Disorder.

my grandmother has this problem of doing things she cant remember, hers is from having Alzheimer's disease.

A lot of people we treat at the mental health unit have memory problems like this with depression, bipolar disorder and self injury.

Some people I know get this same problem when taking cold medicines, allergy medications, and sleep aids.

my suggestion talk to your physician, and mental health people. they can do tests and then tell you why your body is reacting this way and how to fix it.

(( ((( ((Rhiannonsmoon))) ))) )))
Please take a breath If you did disassoiate this is not the first time it happen. But the fact that you are aware of it says that the inner walls are starting to thin down. Sit down and write down what you do remember and if you feel safe ask your partner to fill in the blanks. Breathing is so important it will give you room to find out that it might have been safe even though those inside was switching. Learning to trust those within is hard but it can be done. Just be gentle with your self and those within.

I know things like that are very scarey, I ahve had an episode today, the bad thing is, I triggered myself.
Be your own best detective adn know that you are not alone and you are safe.
Mush support and safe hugz...

Thankyou for your support Julia, I have had this happen before but not in such a manner. I have been lost for short times and longer times when Megan comes out and I am violent in my sleep. In my sleep I switch a lot though I had not realised what I was doing I thought I was just stepping into another life at night time. So I have recorded what happened. Thankyou too for helping me to ground and refocus. I appreciate it very much. Going back over what I have done someone felt useless, hopeless and unowrthy...I must have read something from that because my mum & brother have spent all my life telling I am those things. And recently I finally walked away from my ex-family permanently. But their abuse still rings in my ears. I really thank you for this Julia, I have someone called Julia who speaks to me, she is very gentle I like her,

((((Julia)))),

Rhiannon

Thankyou Jewels,

I have grounded and I have followed some of the posts back and I am aware of where and when it happened. I appreciate your advice and I thank you for it. I at least feel safe because DJ has told me that I have been doing this for a number of years now, at least 3. He is so loving and gentle with me so I must feel safe over all, though Megan does attack him at night time when I'm "asleep" and I don't remember any of it. We are going to buy a bofy pillow to put between us so that he is not attacked.

Thanks again,

((((wanttoheal))))

You are right, DJ tells me it has been happening for years and that I will actually (well Megan will) attack him during the time I am asleep. Megan was brutally date raped after being drugged and she is angry about it and will attack anyone she finds herself in bed with. I didn't know about this before my divorce because I slept in a seperate room to my ex husband for 7 years. I only found out from DJ because I was talking about it today. I will certainly attend the p appointment because I don't like being violent. How do I get across to Megan that DJ would never hurt me?

Thankyou so much for your help, I was panicking for a time, but I have settled now,

Rhiannon

((((Yoda))))

Thankyou for your support, when I went back over I actually felt sadness and pain in one particular post. So I shut the computer down straight away. I don't think I didssociated that time but I'm not certain. I need to understand what is happening and with all of your support I am getting there,

Rhiannon

Hello fins,

To be honest you did scare me fins. I was tested for demetia about 2 years ago, that was a relief to know I wasn't ill with that. But now I'm scared that it could be dementia that wasn't detected back then. I have short term memory loss because of epilepsy but that is not anything like what happened; with that I am conscious that I have forgotten something and it takes me a few moments to remember it.

I guess I'll ask to be assessed again...like I want to sit there for all that time...eyuck...

Rhiannon

The alzheimers thing being thrown at me again? Why would someone scare me that way. Let me say again that I have been tested for that 2 yrs ago and I was found not to have the disease, apart from the epilepsy and some enlarged part of the brain, my brain looked quite normal.

Though I am a depressive I eat very well because I am an ID diabetic, and I drink up to 2.5 litres of water. I don't see how the MDD GAD panic attacks agoraphobia claustrophobia etc could have a bearing on this. My drugs are stable apart from the anxiety med which I felt was wearing off. Also though there is no demetia in my family on either side.

I've made it clear that I am not self-diagnosing, and I'm going to a psychiatrist for an assessment. I do not have bipolar disorder, I have already been assessed and tested and the above list is what his assessment of me was. I didn't tell the doctor of the voices because I didn't think he would understand. I didn't mention the black outs because I thought he would put me away.

I really appreciate your help and for taking the time to respond.

Rhiannon

(((( (((( (((( ((((Anderson)))) )))) )))) ))))

Thankyou Anderson,

I do feel safe and now I have to learn what this is all about,

With ((((((((loving hugs))))))))

I'm truly sorry to have scared you. (I was only hoping to give ideas and help)

I'm also sorry for your struggles.

I detect a bit of dislike towards me-- (it happens, *sigh*... since I was born, I think I have a kind of aura that causes some people to dislike me.... even some adults would rather see me suffer and be abused than help me as a child.... )
I don't know why you do or why they did-- but-- I can feel it-- I do feel such things-- .....
I promise I won't bother you anymore.

best to you

fins

Whatever it was (is?) that is happening to you, no one here should be throwing dx's around. It is scarey! That was one of the first posts in your thread...that no one can or should diagnose. You will see the doctor soon and get some answers. Breath! It will be ok. IMO if it were cause by something as serious as what was mentioned, I think you'd know it by now.

I understand what you aare saying calista but when someone posts questions like "what is this?" "can someone tell me what is happening?" "is there a name for this?" "do you think this can be such and such?" and other variations of these types of questions in my opinion that is inviting anyone that is reading the posts to give their opinions of what is happening what the diagnosis is. This is a mental health website with many members who have many different types of mental disorders and alot of the many mental disorders share the same symptoms and many of us either work in the mental health careers, are studying to go into mental health careers and many of us also know family and friends with all kinds of mental disorders.

So in giving out own personal opinions and sharing experiences when someone asks for help in knowing what is going on, or what something is, many mental disorders are going to get talked about in the posts when replying to such posters that ask us whats going on? does anyone know what this is and other such questions.

the only way to avoid discussing possibilities of what might be happening with each other as we share our mental health lives with each other is to ban asking questions like - what is this, does anyone know what this is, is there a word for this and other such questions, then of course if you cant ask people what the problems may be or receive possible options and help from others that may have the same problems, then why have a mental health website that discusses mental illness and the problem associated with mental illness. why have a depression board, why have a Dissociative disorder board, why have a schizophrenia board.

as far as I know this website and its forums are for discussing mental health issues including helping each other figure out and get through the problems at hand.

I haven't read all the posts in this thread yet, but so far I don't see anyone in this thread trying to diagnose this person we are all just giving options and offering help in what ways we can based on what we have had experiences with in our lives at some point. for example in my posting I gave examples of times when I and those I know had the same problem as the poster then suggested seeing her own doctors for a diagnosis. thats what these boards are for at least what I was told they were for -

I know it probably bothers some hearing about all the different mental disorders but this is a mental health website that discusses mental disorders and problems associated with mental disorders. please mods correct me if my idea of what this this place is for is wrong.

Amandalouise
It was obvious to me that too much info being thrown around was scary.
I believe the original poster said as much. Don't kill the messanger.....

unfortunately when you post questions like those I talked about in my last post online in a mental health forum boards where there are thousands of members you are going to get more information than you probably thought you were going to get. you are going to get posts you may not like and you may have pick and choose what fits you and what doesn't. like the poster did when she told me alzheimers wasnt for her. I hadnt read any of her other posts so I was not aware that alzheimers had already been ruled out. would that have changed my post to my not including it, no because my grandmother is part of my life and its the reason why she was having the same problem as the poster. my post was about times in my life when I have encountered the same problem as the poster in some part of my life. it wasnt about trying to diagnose her.

yes its scarey hearing about more information than you want but thats the risk you take in posting here. I learned very quick with my very first post and replys that not everything people post to me is going to be nice, not everything people post to me is going to fit my problem, and I when I post I will get more information than I bargained for.

thats just the way it is when you post in mental health forums. you post you are going to get all kinds of answers.

shoot the messenger never, I understood where you were coming from. I wanted you and others to know where I was coming from too.

that said Rhianna--- cant remember the whole name at the moment.. Im sorry if my telling you where in my life time I encountered the same problem that you are having made you think I was talking about you and scared you by making you think I was diagnosing you.

I should have stated my post the way I usually do when someone asks what the problem is, is there a name for this and other diagnosing questions..I always start with--

we cant diagnose what your problem is all we can do is tell you if we have encountered the same problems in our lives and what it turned out to be in our lives.. then told you about my grandmother and the others and my having the same problem as you.

I wasnt trying to say you have all those things me and the people in my life have. my point was that problem you are having has many different names to it depending on how it is affecting you, and your life.

I have no idea what this is for you, the only people that can tell you what your problem is, is your own doctors and mental health treatment team. give them a call and set up an appointment and tell them what you told us and they can tell you what your problem is called in you and how to fix it.