Calling out the alters

I haven't read anywhere if it is advisable to call out an alter. Is it harmful or hurtful to the "host?"

I think of my friend's alter as a part of him, a part that a different attitude and personality...but I realize it's still him. As I have different parts of my personality, so does he...only his is his alter.

I've would appreciate any advice/comments on this. Thank you.

no its not harmful----- WHEN DONE UNDER PROFESSIONAL SUPERVISION ------

When memory states (alters, fragments, parts personalities means the same thing) are triggered out on purpose there is no guarantee which one out of five or more that you're going to get without a professional guiding the conversation to the memories contained in the memory state that is being looked for and called (triggered) out . DID doesn't work like "ok so and so its time for you to talk to me" kind of thing.

A situation that happened for me around this issue-

I came across this book called Silencing the Voices. As I was reading I came to the part where Jean Darby Cline's therapist was asking to talk to one of her alters. Well here I am, all night long trying to figure out why she and her therapist could do that and I couldn't. So many things would be so much simplier and easier if I gained this ability to call them out on demand. So anyway in the book Jean would relax and poof there's the right alter to talk to. so I put on my relaxation music, got comfortable as much as you can when you are trying something new and are a bit scared of the out come. Then said "OK katherine or mary come on out"----Nothing happened. What am I doing wrong? I kept at it and by moring I was tired and frustrated and deturmined to learn how to talk to my alters. I went to the library and after alot of research located Jean Darby Cline and emailed her. A day later I recieved an email back from her telling me how she did it. She used a focus point and totally relaxed herself simular to self hypnosis then her therapist asked her guiding questions and through those questions he asked to speak to the alter he needed to talk to. She said in order for that to happen she had to be VERY VERY relaxed and have total trust in her therapist. Those sessions where her therapist talked to her alters were at least an hour and a half long.

Through email with jean and practice I learned how to relax myself to that level of total relaxation but we (my therapist and I )never got the chance to use it before my therapist's therapy agency was forced to lay off many of their therapists due to government cutbacks. However my therapist and I had been working with triggers. Each memory state contains thier own information. We were keeping a chart of what my triggers are that results in my going into my la la land and my brain left to run on autopilot of memories. Then when there was a problem for example during a session and I was in a memory state I threw a table at my therapist. I have no memory of doing it but she knew what memory state I was in when it happened. the next session she needed me in that memory state so that she could make sure that I knew in that memory state that throwing tables was not acceptable. She knew that the memory state is a very angry memory of me at age 10. She knew the kinds of things that make me the slighted bit mad so she kept the topic centered on those topics no matter how hard I tried to avoid her. And I resisted because I was afrad a table would fly again. Finally she told me that both of us had to get past what happened otherwise we would be no good together. and the only way to do that was to put me back into that memory state so that she can make sure it never happens again. If she can get that promise while I am in that memory state then that situation won't ever happen when I am aware so we can get back to feeling safe with each other again. I knew she was right, she never steared me wrong before so I followed her lead and talked about the things that pissed me off and the next thing I know she's saying how you doing? Margo promised she would never throw a table again and she also got simular promises from me while I was in other memory states too. No table was ever thrown again aware nor unaware.

But like using self hypnosis, working triggers should NOT be done without professional supervision and help. So many things can go wrong if not done the right way.

Hello Broken wing,

Your posts are always a bit worrying. I dont mean that in a bad way, I know you are trying to care for your friend but are you a therapist? Do you have training? I think "calling out the alters" is dangerous if its not part of a structured therapy session/programme. You would not know what was going to happen or how to deal with it. What if an angry person came out? Waht if someone came out that your friend was not ready for? What if someone came out whom you didnt like? Therapists work hard to show no preferences, to accept everyone, but you might just decide you dont like the person who comes forward and dont want to be around to help then where would your friend be?

I hope you dont take offence, Im not intending any but I wonder why you would even be thinking about this.

All the girls

Do not do it unless already agreed upon.

It is not worthy without concent

all the girls

By the way broken wing I have been recognizing a pattern to your questions from posts on other website s that I am a member of. If you are this person trying to figure out if your friend is bipolar, Schitzo or DID. My answers are always going to be the same--

Leave the diagnosing up to the professionals. It is very dangerous to self diagnose yourself and even more so when trying to figure out others. in some cases people even read into problems that aren't there. That is why professionals use Comprehensive Psychological testing and strict guidelines when diagnosing a person. and once a person is diagnosed regardless of the diagnosis the best thing a true friend can do to help that person is NOT to play shrink with them and try to fix them. That causes more damage and in some cases can be considered psychological/emotional abuse. I understand you want to desperately help this special person in your life. but as his friend the best thing you can do is be a friend not an amature shrink. If your friend turns out to be DID your efforts may cause him to dissociate more to the point where hospitalization treatment is needed if he can be helped at all at that point. So please PLEASE be a friend not a shrink want to be and leave the treatment stuff for the professionals. From personal experience I had friends who tried to play shrink with me because my DID was a novelty to them - they are no longer in my life and I do consider their efforts emotionally abusive because they were more interested in seeing my alters and fixing them then accepting me for who I am - a human being who deserves to be respected and treated with respect not placed under a microscope at their whim and call.

myself

allthegirls

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myself said:
no its not harmful----- WHEN DONE UNDER PROFESSIONAL SUPERVISION ------

When memory states (alters, fragments, parts personalities means the same thing) are triggered out on purpose there is no guarantee which one out of five or more that you're going to get without a professional guiding the conversation to the memories contained in the memory state that is being looked for and called (triggered) out . DID doesn't work like "ok so and so its time for you to talk to me" kind of thing.

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Well, that answers my question...thank you! I will respond to why I was asking in the next reply.

I appreciate your sharing some of your experiences and I know now to definitely NEVER take it upon myself to call out the alter.

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allthegirls5 said:
Hello Broken wing,

Your posts are always a bit worrying. I dont mean that in a bad way, I know you are trying to care for your friend but are you a therapist? Do you have training? I think "calling out the alters" is dangerous if its not part of a structured therapy session/programme. You would not know what was going to happen or how to deal with it. What if an angry person came out? Waht if someone came out that your friend was not ready for? What if someone came out whom you didnt like? Therapists work hard to show no preferences, to accept everyone, but you might just decide you dont like the person who comes forward and dont want to be around to help then where would your friend be?

I hope you dont take offence, Im not intending any but I wonder why you would even be thinking about this.

All the girls

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Sorry if my posts are worrisome. No, I am not a therapist but I do see one myself and I've always been interested in psychology and the human mind. (I know that doesn't give me the right to try and diagnose someone.)

My only defense is that I am new to knowing someone with DID and I am attemping to try and find out everything I can about it. I can see why the questions I've posted are worrying to you, but I try and find the answers here or on other sites and if I don't see them, I will ask. I would never attempt to try anything such as calling out an alter without prior research as to whether it is harmful or not.

The reason why I was thinking of it is because I care for both parts of my friend, and also as a whole. Therefore, I was wondering if perhaps the "other half" of him may be feeling neglected or unwanted. I may be overconscious of not taking "sides", so since I have been "spending time" with the "host" I wondered if perhaps his "other half" could be wanting acknowledgment.

As I said above, I will not be calling out the alter...I never have and now I am educated as to why I should never attempt such a thing.

Thanks for your input! And no, I did not take offense. I appreciate all that I have learned here.

In general, no part that isn't "available" for coming "out" would be able to do so just by being called by name... there seems to be an inner self-helper or at least a part that is "deciding" who needs to be out when.. in general .. imo. I would see no reason for trying to have someone switch if you had discussed this previously with another part, i.e. that the one you "know" needs to be the one who drives and if another is "out" and going to try and drive, why not "call the name" of the one who is supposed to drive? Kinda of like helping them stay focused, or centered, on the task at hand. For safety..

But I agree, it needs to be discussed.. maybe even a topic for their system to discuss first? And if thereare "littles" and an adult knows there will be fun ...again, if agreed upon, why not acknowledge their littles names and play? Maybe because.....

The problem most see and why they say only by a professional, is that if someone, without permission, try forcing a part to come forward or "out" then what do you do if an angry part comes out instead, or a self injurious part, are you able to deal with that? There needs to be some agreement with the host or original, if you know who that is (or whomever is your friend), and some way for you to facilitate THEM to control which part will be allowed to speak, play etc. Perhaps you could go to a few sessions with your friend, and learn from the therapist who what why and why not????

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

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myself said:
By the way broken wing I have been recognizing a pattern to your questions from posts on other website s that I am a member of. If you are this person trying to figure out if your friend is bipolar, Schitzo or DID. My answers are always going to be the same--

Leave the diagnosing up to the professionals. It is very dangerous to self diagnose yourself and even more so when trying to figure out others. in some cases people even read into problems that aren't there. That is why professionals use Comprehensive Psychological testing and strict guidelines when diagnosing a person. and once a person is diagnosed regardless of the diagnosis the best thing a true friend can do to help that person is NOT to play shrink with them and try to fix them. That causes more damage and in some cases can be considered psychological/emotional abuse. I understand you want to desperately help this special person in your life. but as his friend the best thing you can do is be a friend not an amature shrink. If your friend turns out to be DID your efforts may cause him to dissociate more to the point where hospitalization treatment is needed if he can be helped at all at that point. So please PLEASE be a friend not a shrink want to be and leave the treatment stuff for the professionals. From personal experience I had friends who tried to play shrink with me because my DID was a novelty to them - they are no longer in my life and I do consider their efforts emotionally abusive because they were more interested in seeing my alters and fixing them then accepting me for who I am - a human being who deserves to be respected and treated with respect not placed under a microscope at their whim and call.

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You can pm me the screenname of the person to whom you are referring, and I can let you know if it is me, but I have never wondered if he is bipolar. Initially, I did wonder if he had Schizophrenia and was told on a support board that it sounded like he had DID. I then found my way onto this board.

As I said in the above post, I am only trying to educate myself on this illness and the only reason why you might consider my making a "diagnosis" is because I was pointed to this message board from the Schizophrenia board as I already stated. Since my friend has not told me whether he is diagnosed...but has "introduced" me to his alter, I am assuming he MAY be DID. I am not sure, and I wouldn't presume to know. I do not mean to play shrink, but I can understand why I may sound like I am. I don't believe I am placing him under a microscope for inspection, I respect him as a human being first and would never do anything to hurt him. I also do not presume I am "better" than him, I am of the mind that we all have our own struggles...some are different, none are any worse or better.

Thanks for your insight and help.

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skylrks said:
It is not worthy without concent

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Understood! And thank you!

I wish you luck, Im not going to talk about needing a T or trying to be one, I am a person who likes to know all about something and always want to find ways to help others, especially those close to my heart.

Good Luck and Take Care

(((((BW)))))