calling everyone...i need help!!!!!

i need alot of help...this is long but please bear with me...contains abuse so be careful!!!

my stepfather is very controlling...manipulative....and abusive....and so is my mom....to help you understand how controlling they are ...they threw me out of the house then when i finally got set up with a good family they literally distroyed each family member i was staying with (not physically, lets just say killing them with kindness is sorta an understatement with them) and when i had nothing left they called the police saying i was a runaway...and hired a lawyer saying i damaged private property....then when i told them i would do exactly what they say (did someone say blackmail?) they called off the lawyer and the police... If I threatened to tell of their abuse they would call my marine bf 20 times in a row and threaten to have him demoted because he slept with a minor ..i was 17 he was 20 and would only stop until i obeyed every word....well i finally moved across the country to get away from them...now they cant do it because i am over the age...well they found me and tracked me down....my future in laws know my parents want nothing to do with me...so now my stepfather is calling the house...and if i do not force myself to talk with this man on a weekly basis he will have talked to my future in laws and did the exact same thing he did with the last family...he will tell all of my secerts...not that i exactly have secerts mind you...but if my future in laws know i SI they would no longer accept me...believe me...anyway...so if my bf and i do not do as he says he will come across the country (believe me he almost did once...he has the money and the time) to california...bang on our door be let in and well we can all say goodbye to that...so my bf told me that i must do as he says ...to "Take one for the team" He said he will not stand for me to be selfish just so my stepfather can come into this house and cause alot of crap...i asked about harrassment and all of that cuz he used to be a police officer....and he said techenquically (dont we all hate that word..it always seems to pop up when we want to defend ourselves) he has the right to call the house phone unless he starts threatening (my stepfather is cunning...not stupid) he also said that if he comes here it is pretty much a guarentee that his family will let him in due to the fact that he is now apart of my family...what they dont understand is ...family in my life is not family....and they just dont get that ...for some reason people who never have been abused who have strong close knit families cannot fathom the fact that just because a person has a child doesnt mean that person has to love the child...i dont know...how can he say that i should chat with my abuser every week just so he doesnt get mad and involve my bfs family...and my bf is angry at me for putting his family through this...and he knew ahead of time about my stepfather and my family...he is so worried about protecting his family...he doesnt know what he is asking me...he said what is the worst he can do since your across the country...im all sure you guys all have the shake your head heard that before kinda comment...whats the worst he can do? How about i have an idea but id rather not find out...what do i do? how can i do this to myself and my already messed up sanity ....but perhaps i have to do it....and its all thanks to those horrible peoplefinders.com....any help would be greatly appreciated!!!! Im so upset!!!

Man, I'm sorry all this is going on for you! I know you didn't know it then, and I'm not 100% sure I'm right, but I am pretty sure they couldn't do anything to have your marine bf demoted for dating a 17-year-old; in most states, the age of consent is at least 17, if not younger.

I'll be honest...I'm not sure your bf is such a great guy, if he expects you to "take one for the team." Are you sure your future in-laws wouldn't accept you, or is that just insecurity that they might not accept you, if they knew your secrets? I know some people have a harder time with these kinds of things, but as much as I'd like in-laws I got along with, I wouldn't give a rat's patootie if my in-laws had a problem with me for my past. But I wouldn't put up with a bf who expected me to do what my abuser (or even someone I just wanted nothing to do with) wanted, either. I understand that you care for him, but this is just how I feel.

Why is your bf more concerned with protecting his family than the woman he plans to marry? You're supposed to be his top priority, if he's going to marry you. I really don't think this is a guy you deserve.

yea...actually i was pretty sure that they probably couldnt do anything about demoting my bf....but the whole idea that they kept trying to call his sargent is...scary ...to say the least...

and maybe it is just my insecurities that they wont want me if they find out about certain things...

im so confused...and your probably right...i shouldnt give a rats patootie either if they had a problem with me cuz of my past....i just didnt want them knowing about my SI because it went around the whole family back on the East coast as a joke....i just wouldnt be able to stand having them see it as a joke or something to throw in my face later on
thank you soo much for replying...i appreciate it soooooo
much
(((((((((((((maven)))))))))))))))

No, I get that. I used to be very open about my panic disorder and OCD, but after the judgement and assumptions I've received over the years, now I wish I'd never "put it out there." There are so many things I wish I hadn't posted on the Net. Because now everything can be found, and people who know and knew me can tell others, even new people in my life. And people tend to think your parents or others know you, and if they say you lied or did something wrong, people will figure you're a liar, or a thief or whatever.

I wish I had more answers for you, but I do hope something can be done. For the record, you're right...you shouldn't have to have anything to do with your stepfather.

and you know...they are pretty good conartists...even though i know they hate me but sometimes they pretend to like me...and then they pump me for information...pathetic it sounds i know...but because i wanted them to love me i thought that if i talked to them about that kinda stuff so now they know...things that i dont want my bfs family knowing i said anything about...and thats how they work...they use me....and then they use the information....and then discard me until they need me again....and im sick of it....you normally you can talk to your mom or stepdad or dad and confide in them..not these monsters...and i now am just learning that even though ive been burned many times...and they use that to isolate me...they use my weakness to want love from them to isolate me and control me and abuse me...all because they hate my real father ...
thank you so much ...your a big help.

Inny,

I would absolutely sit down and have a talk with the in-laws. You do not have to give them the gory details but just give them high level information. That you were abused and that your "family" uses manipulation to coerce you and others around you. You could give the example of what happened with the last family.

You don't need to tell them you SI and if you give them a general history of what your step father is like they probably wouldn't believe him anyway.

Your step father knows that you will back down because you have in the past that's why he's being a bully. You need to stand up once and for all and just let him know that you aren't going to take it.

Calls in and of themselves may not technically be harrassment, however, you can file a restraining order and then he would be arrested for calling you or coming near you.

Please, please do not let this man control your life or ruin anymore relationships - you deserve so much better!

Tranq