[Korin]

I’m coping quite well and would be really happy if anything I’ve learned helps someone else.

Maybe we could share some of our experiences here. I think reading about what others are actually experiencing and how they have chosen to deal with it helps.

So who’s up for sharing their experience?

I'm not sure what to share at this point because i feel so confused, but i think this sharing thread you have started is wonderful! You are very helpful! I love your username as well.

I know I lose alot of times often , but my husband is helpful to keep me "on track" some days, other days i feel as lost as a child.

Long therapy sessions (instead of the typical 50 min hour) have helped us tremendously. We have 2-4 hour sessions twice a week so everyone gets a chance to talk to our T. That has led to LOTS less frustration. We get to have more communication inside also since we are less frustration (more frustration=more stress= more shutting down and more switching)

[beadlady29-old]

thanks far this thread Korin!
not sure what part of our non-functoining life to share...........
but dont thunkeds beads doing so well tojnite

[Korin]

Thanks for joining me here. I think for now we just come in and share whatever we feel like sharing.

I struggled for a long time trying to understand what was going on. My husband (now my ex-husband but still friends) was a soldier and away a lot leaving me to cope with my three children. I haunted my local library, reading everything I could get my hands on that might explain what I was experiencing. When my kids were small, I was afraid to ask anyone about it. I was afraid of losing my kids. I thought I was going mad.

Then I got a computer and found more and more information that fitted in with what I was experiencing. I joined forums and that helped a lot. Just sharing with other people helped so much.

Over the years, I have had around six hospital stays and talked with psych-docs on and off. I received many diagnoses before being referred to a psychologist who after only two visits diagnosed me with DID.

I’ve got a pretty good handle on it these days but it has taken years to come to this understanding of it all.

At best I communicate and negotiate and compromise with the other parts of me. At worst there is pain and stress and accusations and threats. But things are improving all the time.

[Irine]

8 years old put back the notebook that I - 26 years old - put in the bag - so we went home without it! When i (26 years old - the formal "walking" person) - got home to parents` and searched for the bag (REMEMBERING CLEARLY that i put it in the bag!!)

So i was searched and searched AGAIN.... with a feeling of warmth growing within me, and from that warmth, as usual came despair, fear of abandonment and plain guilt that came against my anger - making me even angrier. All of those were familiar.

" Yes i am guilty i did it i am sorry" - said a voice inside my head. it came right inside from that feeling....that warmth that shame that fear..."Yest i was afraid that you will abandon me"

So many times in my life, it happened that I put things somewhere - but then didn`t find it there! SO MANY FREAKING TIMES!!! now after going through that process - i see.....

When my T said that maybe it can be DID.....

The warmth was there, because he was hugging me...but the feelings we shared felt so horrible...well - we just agreed that he doesn`t touch my stuff...

I feel those children locationally....they`re sweet...and they hold horrible experienced that now no one remembers...and i never did....

well....this is the sum of it....

I had A LOT with dissociative fuge alters - but - i can gratefully say that those returned to their natural place...more or less....and are going there step by step...more and more......

[Korin]

ladymacabethadmunsen,

Thank you for sharing. I can remember when I felt like you described. It was back in my twenties when I first became aware of other parts of me surfacing and struggling to make themselves known to me. I was afraid and confused and had no one to talk to about it. Things have improved so much over the last few years.

Communication with that inner world is so very, very helpful. I hope you continue to communicate and feel the warmth of understanding within yourself.

Such a long and tiring journey, and one that requires much patience and acceptance.

...I had D.I.D.....and now I don't

[Korin]

kindergirl,

It does take a long time to come to terms with DID. Gathering information and coming to accept things helps us cope with it better.

sparrowstail,

DID is difficult to pin down because most of what goes on goes on in the background. Keeping a journal might help.

[Irine]

You are SO RIGHT. wow. So you are older than me - i am in my 20s....
And yes - they have always talked to me...i see, now...in feelings and in thoughts - but i thought it was me (which was TRUE of course!) only i never thought - that it was another me, capable of doing things on their own without me knowing, and having totally different memories...

I always felt odd...out of place. alien.... then came voices and of course the psychiatrist only thought of schitzophrenia and I got a hella drug cocktail and ECT. I started having dreams where people were standing in line to meet me. They'd introduce themselves or just look at me . One little girl looked at my nail polish and was happy cause it was pink. Looking at journals through the years and I took all of them to T and told him of the dreams. I thought I was dying or going crazy. The lost time and the voices got his attention. I was referred for the DES scale test. I guess I "flunked" cause the psychologist who gave it said it was absurd how high my dissociation was and I must be faking all of it. Lucky my T knows me well and has seen evidence of alters or I wouldn't believe it either.
The only people who know are my husband, brother & sil (BIG mistake) and of course my T and p doc. I cannot trust anyone else not to hurt me.

[Echo1958]

This is the first place I have found other people that have the same bizarre feelings - thoughts - actions - etc. like me. It is SO helpful hearing from other people. I don't feel so alone or weird anymore. My T & husband have been trying to convince me for years that I have DID, but I have been very resistant to them - thinking that I'm just crazy - or bipolar or both. I don't loose time, but I have a crappy memory. I'm always loosing things and have to write myself notes. Sometimes I think I have early onset Alzheimer's (my dad had it) - maybe I do, but as much as it pains me to say this, I also have DID because early onset Alzheimer's doesn't start in your 20's.

[krazy_phoenix]

Hello, thank you Korin for starting this thread as I'm sure its going to help those who are new to their diagnosis, but also reassure the rest of us that we are never alone in our isolating and overwhelming emotions/scenarios/behaviours etc that come with the DID territory.
Nice to meet you, and look forward to getting to know you better...
kp

[Korin]

ladymacabethadmunsen,

I was in my twenties when I went through the worst of it. I knew something was wrong but I didn't know what. I let them treat me for depression for a long time before getting up the courage to tell someone what I was actually experiencing.

Back then it was like a screaming match with lots of anger and threats. I thought I was going mad.

In a sense it is You doing it. The psyche is amazing and it's job is survival no matter what it takes - even to break off the parts that make us feel angry and sad and scared, and allow a stronger more able part to deal with what we couldn't because were too young to understand or cope with what was going on at the time.

It is important to make friends with all your parts. Life gets much easier once you can do that. This may seem quite impossible when they seem to be so angry all the time. But it can be done with time and patience. Even today, I still say nice things and thank them with little treats for helping me when I needed it the most.

I came to see them less as the enemy and more like a bunch of squabbling siblings. There is still disagreements but a lot less anger and aggression.

For now try not worry too much about the lost time and the lost memories. Staying calm and working to understand DID helps to make things clearer.

[Korin]

Calista+12,

I agree, one of our biggest battles is trying to get help from people who don't really understand DID.

I've only told my daughter and my two sisters and they have become my family support system. I won't tell anyone else.

I've become quite an expert at covering it up. But then when I get quite depressed I think on the fact that no one really knows ME and this doesn't help me at all.

We really only have ourselves to help us. I'm a good reader, I love reading and this helped me a lot to come to terms with what I am dealing with. I read everything I got my hands on about DID, even when it was called MPD - I didn't like that term, it frightened the life out of me. I much prefer how DID explains it.

I wouldn't agree to hypnoses or ECT. I can just about cope with what is going on just now. I feel I really couldn't cope with throwing any spanners into the works.

I shared a dream with my psych-doc too. In this dream I saw all these precious stones and a silver melted metal was being poured over them. Psych-doc came up with the idea that it was mercury and that it was fixing all the precious stones in one setting - a coming together of all the part perhaps. I don't really know what to think of it but it was a pretty good session that day.

[Korin]

Echo1958,

Some DIDs experience lost time and are aware of it and others do but are unaware of it. I was very resistant too in the beginning but accepting it made life easier. Then I set about learning all I could about it and how other people cope with it.

One psychologist suggested doing a Timeline to recognise lost time. I tried this and it freaked me out how little I could record in each year of my Timeline, and some years were left blank. I tried it again when I switched and I was able to add a little more. I thought continuing to do this would fill in all the blanks but it didn't and it brought me down so much that I had to leave it alone.

[Korin]

krazy_phoenix,

Hi! Thanks for joining in with this thread.

I went through such torture in my twenties when DID then called MPD began to surface. I can still struggle from time to time but I have a pretty good handle on it now and if anything I post helps someone avoided that initial struggle then I'm happy to help.

[Lexi232]

Um.. I've not been diagnosed. But I find myself relating to a lot of this..
as for the time loss, I'm confused over that ... mainly because .... erm never mind..
Anyhow, i. just wanted to say i relate. and talked to someone about it long ago, but they didn't know what to think about it.. and it was weird. .. when i spaced out and thought about the other, this person would ask me about the other, and it NEVER failed .. not one time went by that she didn't ask..
sorry, just wanted to say something so you all wouldn't think i was just lurking and being crreepy by thanking and not saying anything..

[Echo1958]

Originally Posted by Lexi232

i was just lurking and being crreepy by thanking and not saying anything..

Don't worry, I lurk around here a lot.

[we13]

Originally Posted by sparrowstail

...I had D.I.D.....and now I don't

Oh? I have been on this boat 40 +years and I accept that since this is my primary coping mechanism it will come up again and again. There have been periods of peace and tranquility where everyone worked together. And in times of extreme stress it is the loss of time, the infighting, and new stuff surfaces and we paste it all back together! Unless you are a dual it is rare to always stay what the the "normals" call cured...The pain doesnt go away you learn to manage it. So we will be DID in this world and maybe into the next.

Originally Posted by we13

Oh? I have been on this boat 40 +years and I accept that since this is my primary coping mechanism it will come up again and again. There have been periods of peace and tranquility where everyone worked together. And in times of extreme stress it is the loss of time, the infighting, and new stuff surfaces and we paste it all back together! Unless you are a dual it is rare to always stay what the the "normals" call cured...The pain doesnt go away you learn to manage it. So we will be DID in this world and maybe into the next.

Hey We,

Yes,it is possable to work through D.I.D. I had way to much pain. I heard way to many voices. Now, it's one voice and just PTSD. And things are getting accomplished.

I did'nt understand why.

When I first started the road to healing, I heard thity-three different voices. That means thirty -three traumas throughout my life, begining at the age of four, and seven more traumas, between the ages of four,five,six, with s/a and witnessing death.

From this point on, my life was laid out. The only thing I ever knew how to do, was adapt. I never learned how to live, just adapt.

Truthfully? D.I.D., litterary saved my life on quite a few occassions.

....and workin' through D.I.D.....was the scariest thing I have ever done in my life....I've danced the tango with death...but to look at myself and face D.I.D. head on.....took courage

It can be done....if I wanted....and I wanted.....

................sparrow................

....my children and grandchildren.....

................finally

....have a one father and a grandfather.....

[Korin]

I’m not feeling great right now. But I am liking your posts. Keep sharing, people. It helps us all to just share how we are feeling and how we are coping.

[anderson]

I can totally relate to this thread. After being in an abusive time period, I am finely finding safety and healing again. Only the man upstairs knows and understands why we are the way we are. But it is true when in fear I/we still run and hide within. Until we are safe again.
I dont think that I will ever be just one person again, and for now thats is alright by me/us.
But it is easer to act as a unit when all within are free of fear and pain.
in the last few months those within where having a hard time accepting safety from old friends but it is getting easier.
That is one thing that life has tought us that with each other there is hope,