Reframing my parts, any suggestions?

Reframing my previous post "is this DDNOS or DID".

I have dissociative states that I have labeled:

1. Dread. Dread follows me around wringing it's hands always worried and scared (carries anxiety and panic).

2. The Watcher. I have the watcher who watches others and their responses to me and reports back to me when I get home (very critical parental or authority figure).

3. Shame. I have shame that hangs around me when I get home after The Watcher has reported (my childhood abuser).

4. The Joker. I have The Joker, which comes out more often than I like in public and makes funny statements or acts funny but is not really funny at all (not unlike my father who also acted this way).

5. Inner Child. I have my inner child that appears needy and has no social skills whatsoever. This inner child is 5 years old and holds my trauma memories and is that part that quickly moves me into dissociation when feeling unsafe. This is the part that I struggle with the most as I have never been able to communicate with any success. The 5 year old part of me has never been to school, does not know how to read or write, has a learning disorder, ADHD, and has had inconsistent parenting with long-term sadistic abuse and so there's a huge language barrier there to work with.

6. The Defeatist. I recognize a new part called the defeatist, who orchestrates all these parts to keep me in bondage.

I have tried over the years, but nothing has worked and I fear I will forever be stuck and not able to move through to integration, which is what I am hoping for. I think if I can get through to my Inner Child I would call that a break-through and hopefully the remaining 5 parts will follow and cooperate with what I am trying to accomplish.

Wondering what has worked for those of you who have DID Thanking you in advance for your replies

june bug you seem to have a great deal of knowledge about your parts, more than I had when I started out, This is fantastic because you wont have to start from scratch, trying to figure out what parts there are, why they are there... that right there takes years off of whats ahead and in store for your healing. its like opening a book you have already read part of, you are able to pick things up in the middle. That leaves a lot more options open to you.

you can bypass the tedious and sometimes frustrating work of discovering who your alters are and what their purposes are. you can jump right in and show your parts you are now capable of taking care of your self and them.

I read your list of parts and they remind me of a couple of my parts and of a few of my clients that had negative introjects. heres what we did in my own therapy and what I now do with my clients...

first we taught the clients how to use what they normally do for calming their own symptoms like anxiety, nervousness, shame all those characteristics that are within their parts. we had them listening to their favorite music (sure we could have brought in a mess of music for them but its much quicker to use already established positive coping tools), we had them write out some affirmations (positive statements about their self, positive statements that can remind them they are safe and can handle the situation) Journaling, Some entered yoga class because they always wanted to learn that and its great for relaxing, regrouping your mind set, Some learned DBT and EMDR which has elements of changing your mind set, behavior and learning how to calm yourself built within those therapy techniques

After we had them to where they were able to care and self nurture their self out of their panic, anxiety .... , then we went to work on the introjects using the same process. when ever our clients recognized they were reacting as a "part" we had them repeat what they were now able to do for their self, do it for the parts, say even if all they could do was think from inside those affirmations, think about those coping tools.

it wasnt long before "host" of these negative introjects were able to recognize - before - they switched into them that the switching was going to happen.

when they got to this point we had them use a watch. the first time they felt like a switch was going to happen they were to look at their watch and focus on the watch using their affirmations, EMDR any other postive coping tools they have learned to calm their self and remain aware as long as they could.

the second time do the same thing but stay aware only one minute longer than the last time.

each time they felt a switch coming they would use their positive coping tools to stay aware one minute longer while repeating their affirmations and other positive coping tools.

During the therapy sessions we worked with the clients to recognize who in their life these introjects were emulating or why they were tormenting the host. then based on what we discovered about the introjects, parts we added more work.

in my own therapy we did the same things for those negative parts of mine that were like those you described.

I know this isnt a whole therapy plan and what works for my clients or me may not work for you but its a start if you would like to try them. dont get discouraged if it all doesnt fall together quickly. for some of my clients it took only a couple weeks to break through to their introjects and others it took years. with me dealing with the introjects was actually easier then dealing with my alters. it took about 6 months to break through to my negative introjects, my remaining in control and their realizing they could not torment me any more.

Wow, Amandalouise, I sat here reading with my mouth open in astonishment. This is the kind of feedback I was looking for !!! I will be eternally grateful for your taking the time to explain this step by step process.

((appreciation hugs ))

Here are my coping tools, I want to share with you ......... I have had two years studying DBT, when I can remember to use these tools, they come in handy. I had 2 years using EMDR. Sometimes EMDR worked but mostly I flooded after the sessions, but the tapping works. I do picture journals now, not handwriting journals to identify daily emotions, due to flooding again. Listening to music can be very disturbing to me, not sure why. I have started attending area mental health support groups to help me reconnect with people again for support, to exchange ideas and feel like I fit in somewhere.

I just have not put all my tools together and honestly, I really don't have a clue where to begin and how to go about this. I don't see a trauma therapist and the therapist I am seeing is just there as a social worker, helping me with social programs, I see her every other month.

It sounds like you have an excellent grasp of how to elicit cooperation with parts and possibly help others to integration. You are correct, reducing anxiety is key to managing all these parts.

I think I need a sort of "road map" for all my parts to follow, but perhaps starting with one part at a time? I'm not totally sure what a road map will be, but perhaps maybe a form of structure? I don't know, scratching my head, lol. I really wish I could feel a switch coming on, that would be a happy day for me.

Thank you Amandalouise for taking the time to explain this process to me and understanding what I was trying to get to. You are a good listener

fantastic coping tools you have there.

one part at a time - yes sounds like a good plan to me

yes usually setting goals and a time frame to meet those goals (or as you say a road map) is a great way to start. but dont overwhelm yourself and your parts with a mess of rules and goals that are too hard to meet. here at the crisis center theres a saying - too much of a good thing can sometimes do more harm than good.

for my own healing and those at the crisis center we start out small setting goals that we know are attainable then slowly move into more challenging goals.

I know, if wishes were pennies we would be rich huh. knowing when you switch and having all that you wish for will come when the time is right.

You are soo correct Amandalouise I was excited about this new discovery after reading your post last evening. You seem to have an excellent grasp about all of this. I can't thank you enough for being a good listener and grasping what I needed to hear ((( appreciation hugs ))).

This morning, while re-reading your responses, I started to feel suddenly very sleepy and couldn't remember my direction with this at all. In fact, I lost my train of though and couldn't remember anything. I took a break and went outside for a bit and now am back and a little more clearheaded but still I feel the sleepies coming back. I know that when I feel sleepy like this, it's my mind shutting down.

Last night I realized that I am at a crossroad now, facing ..... change..... and I think the defeatist is taking charge now, befuddling and orchestrating my attempt to start this process. I want to go back to bed and pull the covers over my head, it's an irrational urge and am trying not to do this today, but might just go back to bed, not under the covers and listen to a new book tape that interests me.

Will have to take this slower than originally thought, so you are correct with this factor. Don't want to overwhelm all the parts and cause more havoc and chaos.

Even though I have all these skills, not sure where to begin and with which part and which skill. Wishing I had a trauma therapist to see weekly to walk me through this process as it is going to be very tricky.

"I have Dissociative states that I have labelled"

I like that terminology. I dislike the idea of different people in the one body and much prefer to see this as a damaged or fragmented personality. This fragmentation causes periodic dissociation similar to sudden and severe mood changes. It's just how I prefer to see it (DID).

What works for me works for me most of the time but not always. Accepting the situation and acknowledging my other parts helped. Learning to communicate and negotiate helped too, even if it did make me feel like a crazy person talking to myself. I struggled for a long time to ignore what was going on, long before I knew what it was called.

I was forced to acknowledge them through minor accidents like shutting my fingers in drawers, banging my head on cupboard doors and other kitchen type accidents, until finally I screamed, "Okay!! I hear you!!!"

Later, years later, when everything had settled down a lot, I went back to trying to ignore them believing it was the way to get well. I believed I needed them when I was a child but I didn't need them anymore and I thought I could just make them go away. Silly me. The result was a war, a sibling type war. There was a lot of hysterics and threats of suicide, and even threats of other 'real' family members being hurt. There was suicide attempts and hospitalisation and meds. That lasted about ten years. Then it was time to seek out some real help. And so I was finally diagnosed DID three years ago. I still don't talk about it with anyone but psych-doc and on forums. Only two family members know what I'm dealing with. The rest believe I'm being treated for depression.

Now I’m back to kind of ignoring them. I have already put some of what Amandalouise has described into practise. I am stronger and I do feel much more in control. And I can deal with my parts quite well and I do push them back should I feel them surfacing. The truth is I really don’t need them anymore and I need them to go away. I know that’s not what happens. I know I have to take them within and become one whole personality. Unfortunately, once broken, I don’t believe it can be made whole. But I want this to stop now. I don’t want it and I don’t need it.

Hi Korin ~ Good to hear from you

You mentioned "Unfortunately, once broken, I don’t believe it can be made whole". I saw a book title once " Strong at the Broken Places ". I envision being super glued back together again at the "broken places", metaphorically speaking. However, whenever I say to myself I am a broken person, this book title pops up in my mind.

I don't want these fragmented pieces at all anymore too, Korin. These fragmented parts lead me into all kinds of danger and embarrassing situations. I spend most of my time hiding from people and I don't go out at all anymore. I used to enjoy outdoor concerts in the summer, museums, horse shows, boating, etc......... soo any things. Now I view the world from my rocking chair on my very private balcony where no one can see me.

Very similar to me. I don’t go out much and socialise only with close family. I don’t really mind this now that I’m getting older. It was so exhausting socialising. I’m feeling a bit down but I might just need some sleep.

Your posts are very helpful to me because I can relate to almost everything you post/ thanks for sharing.

I'm soo glad that my posts are helping you Korin, your's help me too

Hope you feel better !! But just in case, anything you might want to talk about???

Thanks. Maybe later.

Okay, always here