A quick question... Really... OK not THAT quick but still quick for my posts

So So Lately when people say my name, especially if they are calling me, it's kind of surreal. If that's the correct term for it. It's kind of like I feel kind of blended and abstract, almost as if I'm a painting but not really a painting. I look at who is calling me so confused, not sure what they just said and what it meant. It takes about 3 seconds before the feeling starts to pass and I realize "wait I think I am that name" but even then it's only a vague familiarity with the name. What could this be? Do others experience it?

Also, last night I kind of... It was strange... In the car I started to get so confused. I felt and thought I was back 4 years ago in an abusive relationship. My current boyfriend was with me, I knew it but for a minute at first I was literally thought I was in the past 4 years ago, then small things I saw started to remind me of where I was, it took a few minutes of being confused before I was back in the present and feeling like I sort of belonged there... What could this be and do others experience this as well?

Small things such as these happen all the time, now I'm just trying to decide which ones are "normal" and which ones may need help, it's such a jumbled mess in my head when I have my appt on the 25 I want to be somewhat sorted!

Thanks for any replies... Dunno if others can relate or not, just wondering if it's something unusual or not, worrisome or not etc. Thank you for any replies

Hi, PurpleFlyingMonkeys.

From this and your other recent posts, it sounds to me, and I'm no expert, but it sounds like you're having depersonalization/derealization symptoms. I've had similar experiences to nearly all the ones you've mentioned, so I know how scary it can be. ((safe hugs))

The further I've gotten in learning how to manage my mood disorder (I have MDD) and developing PTSD coping skills, it happens less but I find relationships trigger it more than anything else. I don't know if there's a way to completely stop it from happening but when it does, the thing that helps me the most is to avoid panic. (Easier said than done, I know.) If you can catch yourself and do a quick coping exercise before you start to panic, it should be more managable, and if you're vigilant about maintaining focus, (again, easier said than done,) hopefully it will happen less and less over time.

If you have a t, definitely bring it up with them. I'm sure they know a lot more about it than I do. Hope these symptoms let up soon. You deserve a break.

Thank you, it seemed to me like depersonalization as well, just different than the depersonalization I've felt before. Before I would just completely seperate, I would leave my body and always would be watching from across the room or behind my head. Couldn't hear anything, only see things. Now it's kind of morphed into something different but I must say it's much less scary this way than when I actually have a OBE. I;ve had depersonalization issues as long as I can remember, some doctors say it's due to migraines but most doctors are more concerned with the dissociation than the depersonalization. The blackouts are less now which is good, perhaps that will free up a little time to work on the depersonalization...

I'm asking so many questions because these things, in one way or another I've been experiencing them my whole life. Only lately have I been realizing maybe they aren't the way "normal" minds work. I'm realizing maybe it isn't normal to see things that aren't real, to hear loud voices comment in your head (and out of your head as well) to have blackouts, to be in such a state that I have no control, these are not normal feelings and it's taken me a long time to realize it so I'm just trying to find out, if everything is so wacked out with me, what is normal and is there even a hint of normal in me? In anyone for that matter?

I just want to say that I don't think "normal" exists. Like "perfect" doesn't either. There are things about me that I know are not normal, but I wouldn't change them. Either because I'm too used it, or because I find it beneficial, or I feel like it's something that makes me, me. I think the real thing to do is to figure out what things you want to change, and work on changing those. If you don't want to change it, don't waste your effort, just because someone else doesn't think it's "normal." (my two cents)

You're right Gretta and I've thought that before. I've thought, why change this when it really doesn't matter to me because I'm so used to it. Only problem is I do also have schizophrenia as well and it worries me that I may ignore it and it get worse and cause me to become dilusional again because I'm not seeing the warning signs. As far as the dissociation goes... I'm kind of happy about the progress so far so I've been working on that. I don't nessesarily like the idea of recovering the memories from my blackouts and that's not something I really intend to do at least in the near future, and my last t told me I didn't have to, that it's really up to the person if they want to or not because if they don't want to it could make things worse and those who just learn co consciousness can live almost if not just like those who have integrated if that's where they want to be... That's what I aim for right now, who knows 10 years from now but I've been working on understanding and grounding to try and stay in the here and now when I'm about to go away. It seems to be working at least a little. Now my blackouts aren't nearly as dramatic and they are much less than every before, now I'm about 15% "with it" when this spacey faded numb feeling thing comes around, before it was just a black void, so I'm happy so far, but without a t at the moment I'm reluctant to test unstable waters so to speak so it's been slow moving until I can find one.

But like the hallucinations, the things I see and feel and hear and taste that aren't real, I've realized they happen so much more than I ever though and they have always been around. So why worry about them when they no longer have the power over me? Because I don't want to become dilusional. I get it, but at the same time there is that little voice in the back of my head saying "what if" so it makes me question just about everything about myself to make sure there's nothing that's "Noooo that's not good" or "That's not a good sign" things such as that I guess... Or just finding the reasons behind the things I don't like (like my anxiety... Finding all my triggers etc) so I'm trying to figure this out. I'm no psych Only taken a few psych classes and none of them covered things like this.

Boy I need a t, really!!! I hope to hear back from the one I can maybe afford soon... Hopefully

Thank you PurpleFlyingMonkeys! I just want to point out, that when you say, "I don't want to become delusional," you're making a statement that that is something you want to work on! That's all I meant. Anything you WANT to work on, you should!!
I don't like to be pushed into working on something that doesn't bother me, when there are other things that ARE bothering me. But anything YOU view as a problem, or as something that could potentially become a problem, deserves attention.
I do hope you will be able to see a T soon. You ask some very smart, self-reflective questions, and you sound so eager to work on things. It sounds like you're in a great place to begin therapy.

Thank you Gr3tta. I've been working so hard on figuring this out, it consumes my every thought it seems. It's just been such a chaotic life, such an abusive, downhill, muddy life that has caused everything to do haywire. For a while I ignored everything, kind of went into auto pilot for some years. Stared blankly all the time, was in my own little world so to speak. Once I didn't need that auto pilot anymore, once I was safe out of the abuse, the emotions came back and are showing me I really can't just push it all to the back and forget about it. These things really do cause serious problems. Knowing that, I really want to be "normal" as some call it... Normal to me, I want to be emotionally stable, I want to be financially stable, I want to be confident, not anxious and I want co consciousness, (or the blackouts/dissociation to be figured out basically so I don't have to lose time so much and be so confused all the time) I've spent hours upon hours upon hours reflecting and trying to figure out how to fix these on my own but really, I can't. I need help. Hopefully I will get it. $40 an hour is really steep for me only making 8$ an hour, but it would very likely be worth it so I'm hoping the t will call me back. She specializes in PTSD, something I was dx'd with and something that follows some similar patterns as dissociation so hopefully she will know what she's doing and we can get to work. You've been so wonderful Gr3tta, thank you times 100!!!

what is this.. like always it can be just about anything from A-Z, from mental problems to physical problems from lack of sleep to lack of fluids and nutrition, and only a treatment provider can tell you what it is, because we are not allowed to diagnose each other. Im glad you have an appointment coming up. I hope you get some answers that you need and can get the treatment you need that will help you feel better. Im rooting for you and sending lots of well wishes and prayers.

in me feeling like this was a result of many things: medication problems, Dietary problems, lack of sleep, Bipolar disorder, Anemia, Parkinson disease/Multiple Sclerosis / Muscular Dystrophy, high blood pressure, stress, anxiety, and many more depending upon situation and other accompanying symptoms.

like always Ill say it so that there is no misunderstanding with my post - we cant tell you what this is for you, thats making a diagnosis and only youe treatment providers can do that.

in general the reliving a past event / situation is called having a flashbacks.

flashbacks can be seeing the past event, feeling the past event, hearing the past event, smelling the past event or a combo of all of them to some degree or the reliving of the event in complete detail. It can also be having "intrusive thoughts" this is having thoughts about the past event. flashbacks are a common thing for people who have gone through anything that is traumatic for them. It is a very common thing that comes with and without mental disorders. the most common mental disorder with flashbacks is PTSD.

If it bothers you then you need help, if you think you need help with it then you need help. there is no right or wrong when it comes to seeking help for problems.

Does a flashback ever seem like a nightmare ? Today i think i had one but i was awake but asleep too.

do you mean - is it possible to have flashbacks when you are half asleep. yes. flashbacks can happen at any time.

Sometimes flashbacks during the half asleep mode is called having an hallucination depending on the accompanying symptoms.

only your treatment provider can tell you whether what you experienced was a flashback or an hallucination.

are flashbacks like a nightmare no. in order to have a nightmare you must be asleep and in the sleep cycle known as REM. thats when a person can dream. flashbacks dont happen during sleep cycles, that I know of anyway.

Thanks Amanda, I really can't wait for this appointment. I'm really nervous but... Somethings gotta be figured out. He's a really busy guy and I know he wont want to sit in the office listening to me whine and moan about every little issue I've been having so I'm really trying to figure out which ones to bring to his attention since I wont have another appointment with him until April 25th. Hopefully I will have a t in between but some things worry me that they may be irreversible.

Like the constant dizziness, every time I stand up it seems (probably not every time but the majority) I get so incredibly dizzy. Everything goes black and my head spins. I have to grab onto the wall for support until it goes away. That worries me.

I've also been having trouble with my vision. I've been feeling a lot of pressure behind my eyes and twice now in the last year I have temporarily (for only about 5 seconds each time) lost vision in my right eye. Everything is just black where I should be able to see. When I can start to see again it takes me a few minutes to be able to focus. That alone isn't worrisome but now that also I've been feeling that pressure and it's causing me to not be able to focus on anything. Looking at people, things words, it's all out of focus and strange. This doesn't happen all day or anything, just a couple times a day and that lasts a few minutes.

Then the ear thing and asside from the audio hallucinations I've been getting pain in my ears and also have been hearing a strange noise kind of like guns being fired far in the distance. This happens frequently.

Then of course with all of these phsych things going on it worries me that I may become dilusional, I may go a little too far in this self exploring quest I'm on. I may dig a little too deep one day and go insane. Or I may just not realize I'm loosing it until it's already gone.

So pretty much, I wont be able to cover in depth all of these things that have been concerning me mentally and physically (also been having chronic abdominal pain for 2 weeks now) so I'm trying to figure out the priorities in speaking with him, perhaps just the physical part and put a hold on figuring the mental part until I have a set t. Thanks for your help Amanda, you're always very informative!

What if you make a short list of the 10 most important issues and bring it with you when you see the Dr. Maybe he will take a look at the list to see if there is something he can assist you with immediately. Or maybe he can suggest some exams to find out if you have any health problems. I like using a list because when I am anxious I forget everything, than I remember it on my way home. I write stuff down now. I hope this helps.

I've thought about that clarity and it's a great idea, just remembering to write them down will be the problem but if I can't remember them to write them down in the next two weeks surely I wont remember them in the 20 minutes I have to talk with him. I was thinking of making a symptom list, list everything that's been concerning me, but there's just so much that will happen today but then wont happen again for another week or two so if I don't remember to write them down, I wont remember. But it is the daily symptoms that concern me so I'll def. try it clarity, I just have to put the pen to paper. ty for your advice

Suggestion - maybe printing off your posts is an option. That way you can walk in say something like ok we dont have much time so I typed up some things that are bothering me, can you help me with any of this.. then had them the print outs.

Another suggestion - maybe you can go through your posts and make a list of all the problems. then take the list with you.

You just gave me an idea, I think I will print these posts and highlight the main points to show him. I'm an organization freak so it will be kind of like a project for me anyways.

I really don't know where to even begin to talk with him, I'll just show him the stack, he should see by the size that something is going on. I don't really know what to expect from this doc he's just a gp. Right now I'm just trying to work up the courage to ask my boyfriend to start taking me to a t. I found one I think I may be able to afford but I'm uneasy about telling the boyfriend.

It's been strange with him. For the first year and a half he was the one who made me feel safe. When I was freaking out I felt safe when he was there. If he left the room I would get all anxious. Lately I seem to get anxious when he comes around. Not always when he comes around but sometimes. The GP can't help me with this but anxiety meds could. But my thoughts on why I've been getting so anxious... When I had the seizure he was there. He did what anyone else would or could do for me but of course, like any seizure it was up to my brain to fix it. I wonder if him not being able to help that night is why I'm feeling more anxious...

Either way, the anxiety is the worst part. I've had to leave work 2 hours into my shift because of it. I feel it creeping in now. When I get really anxious I start to space out so I need the anxiety under control. Hopefully this new doc will help.

I also think I figured out why I always have stomach pain. 3 nights ago we got ice cream (something I don't eat too often) and about 45 minutes later my stomach started hurting. I'd suspected I had a low tolerance for dairy so after the really bad stomach pain 3 nights ago I cut dairy out completely. Today I haven't had any pain in my stomach at all, yesterday only a little (after a cheeseburger... I didn't even think about it until after I ate it) and the day before only in the morning. I'm gonna keep it out of my diet for a while and see if the pain completely clears up.

But I'll still bring it up with the GP. I'm kinda nervous about showing him some things I've posted in here but I have to be honest...