Scared

I started going downhill a couple of months ago. It first started with a lot of anxiety and paranoia. I couldn't figure out why it was returning or what it meant. Now, I think I know. It started the month before the 6th anniversary of when my ex boyfriend abused me.

I'm really scared right now that other things will start coming back, too. The thing that scares me the most is the possibility of the DID coming back. I was quite a mess before, but had overcome it. I don't know how, either. It started right after he abused me, got worse with my girlfriend and when I got away from her it stopped. I had to be put in a halfway house.

Well, here I am again. The symptoms are starting up again. I'm developing agoraphobia (most likely since I fit the DSM description of it) and I'm just so afraid of the DID resurfacing again.

Why is this happening again? What have I done to deserve this???

(((((((((((((lexi))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. I hope this time of year passes for you soon.

Can you tell me why you think the DID might be coming back?

KD

Lexi, Hey, what's up kiddo? Do you have seasonal shifts? Sometimes I get wonkey with season chanes. Then things settle down again. Anniversaries are hard, our beings remember the cycles of our experiences. It's a phase, so don't feel stuck forever, it will move. And when it does, you can learn a little more about who you are, and how you work, and look to see if there's anything you want to change in the future, and program that in to your "try this" list.

Letting go of time, the whole pressure of getting better NOW.... (G D it!!)... and accepting the principle of "be here now", which is all we can really be anyway.... whew, it's been a functional groove for me.

You are a work in progress. Keep on keeping on, you're doing fine!!! )))))) ) )))Lexicon ((((((( ((((

Kimmy, I have no clue why it would be coming back. I mean I do have a lot of pressures from other people right now...maybe that's it...kinda being pressured so much it's like I'm being raped all over again and made to do things I am dead set against. I dunno.

((((((((((( Lexi )))))))))

I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time. Please take good care of yourself.

Hugs,

Jan

Hi Lexi, I too am sorry you are having such a tuff time of it. It is good that you are aware of what is happening and can talk with us. Sometimes for me to make a phrase and say it repeatedly helps a lot. Something like; "That was a horrible time for me and I suffered a lot of pain. Now I am older and it is in the past, it's just a memory, it is over, I am safe" Whatever makes sense to you. I say " I am safe now, no one is hurting me". Good luck. I also need to validate that the experience was horrid."it was horrid and I lived through it, here I am"

You can relax. Once you have remembered the separated memory it is stored at the conscious level and basically becomes a normal memory. If you are not DID now you will not be DID later.

A person cannot go from no DID symptoms (time loss, acting out separated memories, hearing voice memories and so on) to having DID symptoms.

DID is there from childhood and the symptoms remain until the person is fully integrated all their sparated pieces of memories.

If you haven't been having symptoms of DID then you are not going to have them. So you can relax.

hi lexi

my name is melanie, but peopel call me melly.

i will be your friend.

(((((Melly)))))