So scared of the anger inside

I am so afraid of the anger that one of my littles holds. It all comes from the abuse when we were younger. In school we got suspended and would hit someone just because we wanted to. It was learned at 15 (when we were sent to juvenile hall for hitting someone) that anger was to be kept in. Too many people were afraid of being hit. Never had any friends because of the anger.
Now, it is all kept in causing anxiety, panic, self-hatred, etc. I (the main) would like to be able to allow the little to let it out, but she is so afraid of everyone and I am afraid she will run our T away. She ran everyone else away that showed care and this T is wonderful.
I am so not sure what else to say, just needed to vent my frustration at this!

hey. we have anger too. i'm starting to get in touch with it. get mental pictures and some of the thoughts now, but sometimes it really scares me...

do you talk to your t about some of it?

something i've been meaning to do is to get some strategies together... some things i can do to vent the anger. so then when i look at it in more detail (as I'll need to do sometime) then i'll have stragegies for venting it appropriately.

i know how scarey it can be.

i never used to feel anger. only sad. only sad :-(
i guess getting better means feeling the anger :-(

:-(

i've got at least 2 angery parts. ones is a little, the other a teen. i was afraid to tell my t too. i thought he would have me locked up. it went way better than i thought it would. now it's easy. he told us, as long as you are not planning to harm anyone in the future, they were just thoughts, and needed to be expressed. it doesn't scare me like it did.

he also told me not to allow triggers to take my power, and have a possitive thing to countract it. when i was little, i memorised the song, " my favorite things" and ran it over and over in my head. maybe you can think of something, or someone, that helps.

don't hate yourself. you didn't do anything wrong. part of you was conditioned to react that way. that's why we developed alters. we had to inorder to surrvive. wanting to do something about it, is being an exseptionally good person. you should be proud. it's what seperates you from the perps. you have a right to be angry. let it out.

benny

<font color="purple"> Onlymedid, I hear your cry

Maybe I can give you a few ideas that my T gave to me in t.

Get one of those blow up punching bags they sell in toy stores, blow it up, and let the little hit away. Doesn't hurt anyone and certainly helps!

Get a plastic bat and a pillow. Hit the pillow with the bat for as long as you feel angry. Repeat this as often as needed. Keep hitting and you will feel the power go through your arms into the hitting. The anger leaves your mind, goes through your arms, into the bat, and onto the pillow.

Buy crayons and paper and allow your little to draw pictures of what she would like to do to the abuser. Give her permission to be as graphic as needed. By expressing what she would like to do, she gets out her anger.

If she is old enough to write, let her write letters to her abuser. Let her put down exactly what she wants to say even it involves something that is repulsive to you. By writing she is able to get the anger out of her mind onto the paper, she can see that it won't hurt anyone, and you wil have given her recognition.

These are just a few of the ways that have worked for me to release some of withheld anger. Some of the items I shared with my T, others were too personal for the little to share with the T for a long time. Some of them were burnt, others were eventually shared, some are still kept in a secret place known only to the little.

Hope this helps

Peace,
cat</font>

Wow, thanks!
Alexandra_k - yeah, my T knows how scared I am, but I don't like to talk about it much because my little gets mad when I talk about it.
Benny-I know that song. It's from the Sound of Music, right? I love that song. I will try to sing it to myself.
Cat - Those are some really great ideas. I think I am going to have to try them out. I would love to be able to, safely, allow her to get her anger out.
Thanks for all the ideas, it really helps.

The anger is really scary. I have a part that is physically violent and holds so much of the anger. She nearly broke the foot when she kicked T's office chair. T allows her to vent but the "new"rule is that she can't harm herself or others. She can say anything she wants----she can pace, she can pound pillows she can bite the pillows. She's been quiet for awhile.
Littles turn anger on themselves an hurt themselves in various ways. They don't know how to show anger any other way. I wish they did. They can't even cry. So everything stays inside.
I've worked on re-directing the self harm by some of the same things that have been suggested. Its a long process. Be kind to yourself and your littles as you journey through this,

Hi onlyme

I understand that so really scarey part that has the anger and rage.

Have you talked to your T about the anger part? Maybe you all can set a plan to start letting some of that anger out slowly. You sound like you really like and have a great T. I don't think she will run your T away. If your T understands about DID she'll understand that there is an angery part and your T will help you.

I know for me that my angery parts tend to direct their anger towards me and the body. So my T and I only work on anger things while at T's office. That way T can keep me and the body safe.

Just talk to your T, I'm sure she understands.

Much luck,
Lisa

I'm sorry you are having a hard time with this. Everyone has good advice. I just wanted to let you know I care.

I know I have a lot of anger issues and am glad you brought this up as I can use a lot of the suggestions too.

I am sorry that you are having such a rough time right now and hope that you can use some of what people have posted.

Thanks so much everyone. I did talk with my T today and she says that it will come out in time and when I am ready to deal with it. She said that the reason I internalize so much and take it out on myself is because of my past. I was taught that lashing out was not appropriate, but was never taught another way of dealing.
I am going to take your suggestions and try them out.
Thanks again. It means a lot to know that you all care so much.

(((((((( Only ))))))))))

I can't add any better advice than you've been given, but I do want you to know I am sorry you are having such a rough time.

Hugs,

Jan

Thanks Jan, I love hugs.

2

<font color="purple"> ((((only))))
I hope things are going better for you by now. Please check in and let us know how you're doing. Did any of the ideas help you release some of the little's anger?
Hoping to hear soon,
cat</font>

Thanks for asking. I am doing ok. Better than I was.
I talked with T and she is going to help me try to figure out everything and work with the littles on letting things out slowly, at their own pace.
Thank you all so much for the kind words and concern!

i can relate with the angry part... i have been finding a lot of evidence of this part on the body.... it's scary and i'm really glad you spoke with your T about it!!! it's hard to talk about... all of this is... sorry, babbling, just wanted to say i care!!!

Hello Onlyme,

It is my experience that T's know what to do. Perhaps getting the courage to write your fear down and showing it to you T, will open up the door for healing. Just a thought.

Songbird