is this possible

One of our alters suggested during session that we pick a host. In the past no has wanted the responsibility or the amount of work involved. We do have someone who can be in the world, is kind, is smart, and a good problem solver. I don't think she can physically protect herself from danger, we are not sure if she can get to know all of us. Most of like when she is out because she has a calming way about her. I don't know if she drives. Has anyone here asked a particular alter to be the host? If she says no it's ok. She wouldn't be in trouble. But how would she know what a host does? My t said it would help us to have one alter who new the system and all the parts in stead of groups were not everyone knows everyone. Although I am not going to want to know the others I think I would be ok talking to a host who knows the others. This all sounds like a convoluted mess but I would be interested in anything anyone has to say.

I know many people with DID who have chosen a head honcho/one in charge/ the gate keeper/ the boss/ the captain of the ship....

these are alters who are basically the leaders, the one that makes the decisions for all, the one who takes care of everyone...

but here in NY choosing a "host" is not possible. here host designates the physical body in which everyone resides with in. here it is believed in order for someone to be host the alters alters must reside with in... the one who is "host"

example...

if rainy became the host then thelma. Sunny, amanda would all live with in the physical body of Rainy. Since Rainy was an alter not the physical body thelma, Sunny, amanda cant reside inside of Rainy because Rainy is an alternate personality.

where as Amanda (me the physical body person) was the host (person in which the alters resided with in, and the others Rainy thelma and sunny were the alters that resided with in me (amanda)

think of it like an orange. an orange has the skin in which all the parts are inside.

theres the physical body and then theres the alters living inside one body.

thats not saying you still cant do what you want to do (have one main one in charge/control) you can do that, dissociated people normally do have someone with in their internal system of alters that does the main protecting/care taking/ decision making. but in psychological terms they are not called host here in NY. here they are called by many different names like...protectors, gate keepers, the captain, the boss...what ever fits that persons internal system of alters.

I definitely think you could pick a leader. Maybe nominate a few and hold an election?

Is this something that can be done. I have and am always confused by who a "host" is and how they become the host. Are you joking or do you really think a host can be asked to step forward and be the host. (please don't be offended by my asking if you are joking. I know how odd my question is)

No no i would never make a joke like that!!!!

I suggested more than one nominee because it sounds like you have groups who dont talk to each other, and i wouldn't want a group to feel slighted. Thats all.

In some people the host is immediately obvious, but if not, i agree a solution should be found.

Thanks for your suggestion. I was a little afraid that I wouldn't be taken seriously and I am very serious. The "host" or who I referal to as the Original isn't someone we know. There is someone who said she is willing to be the host/organizer but we sort of just met her. We don't know what she thinks or if everyone will trust her. She is smart and eventempered and that is good but we are not sure she can defend herself if she gets attacked. It's very confusing and tiring. My t thinks we need a host to move forward in therapy. We will take it slow and see if it is possible. Who ever it is won't be the boss just the who is the voice of reason. Thanks for helping me and I am sorry if I was unkind.

I have no intention of having a "head honcho/one in charge/ the gate keeper/ the boss/ the captain of the ship...." My gate keepers have their own specific tasks within the system. And the rest of what you have said makes no sense to me. I am not looking for a "boss" I am looking for someone who can be the voice of reason. My parts will always have the ability to do mostly what ever they want. There are two who are in the world who do have the final say in situations that might turn bad. They keep us out of the hospital and jail. And they keep us employed when we are employed. But they don't deal with the everyday stuff. The questions, disagreements, arguments, confusion, fear, anger, (except when we are about to explode). So right now we stay in our groups and often don't know what the other group is doing. We have a part who will try to get the information if asked, only most times we aren't aware we need to ask until someone says something that we did or are supposed to know. Most times I barely remember what I did the day before. I thank you for your input but it is not what I am looking for. No boss, just someone who will get to know everyone, get to know what each group is doing and maybe be able to get us to learn about each other.

I see so you are looking to try and appoint someone who can mingle /communicate/share with everyone, not just with in the "group" they are in....like how many different agencies sometimes appoints a mediator, person who goes to each agency and helps everyone get on the same page?

I dont know if thats possible with in ...your.... internal system of alters. only you and your treatment providers and those with in your system can say whether its possible....

what I can tell you is that in order for this to happen there has to be something called co consciousness between one of the alters and everyone else... basically that one alter that can communicate and know what all the alters are doing when each of the alters are in control....

Every person with DID already has this type of alter built in to their internal system of alters. mine was Sunny. she was aware of what everyones job, purpose, reason for being was, she knew what every one else was doing when ever they (the other alters) were in control of the body. She was the most prominent voice in my head because she was chattering with everyone. she was the one that was able to talk with my treatment providers to let them know what was needed, what our problems were, even post on the internet about who we were....Because she was this position with in the system she was called a protector alter.

the trick is finding this alter who's job purpose reason for being is to be that protector alter who has co consciousness with everyone. with me even though it was already happening for years and years...since before I was 5, I didnt realize this. my therapist would ask so who's in charge, who organizes things, who is the one that knows what everyone else is doing, I had no idea. but then after years of therapy, it eventually became clear this alter who did this was Sunny. Thats how we managed to survive all these years in such an organized fashion with in the system.

Im guessing if you go back and re read all your posts here on psych central you will see you already have that one alter that is co co conscious with all the groups. just look for the posts that give information on what the other groups and alters do with in your system, what that alter can hear and just know what the others are doing, knowing what is going on when the other alters are in control. once you have that, you know which alter is already doing the mingling /co consciousness purpose/job/ reason for being with in the whole system.

what part of my post doesnt make sense to you? was it the host idea or the orange...

in another thread we were discussing what a host was....here in New York the term host means the biological body person/ the biological body/ person named on the birth certificate...

example the host of my system was amanda because thats the name on the birth certificate. thats the name of the physical body in which everyone lives with in.

that doesnt mean the host is always there, available, reachable. just that everyone has a host (physical body in which they live with in)

the orange example...

have you ever really looked at an orange...an orange is made up of many different parts.

theres the skin (body)
theres the wedges of orange (everything that lives inside the body)
theres a white coating that is inside the skin protecting the wedges. this white coating is between each of the wedges and holding them together at the center point and is between the skin (body)

Just like a person who is DID...

a skin (physical body)
many different parts (the wedges)
protectors that hold everyone together in their groupings and have contact with all the other parts. (the white coating)

thats the basics of every persons internal system of alters. how many parts and what those parts jobs, purposes, reasons for being are is individualized depending upon how that internal system of alters is comprised.

my point was you already have that one you are looking to choose. you just may not have full knowledge of that one yet that is the white coating. for some people it takes many many years of treatment before that one becomes accessible to everyone.

I bet if your system ask around you will eventually find that one that does what you need to be done (communicate with everyone, deal with daily activities ....) it just may take time...

and in the mean time yes it is possible to designate new jobs, to some peoples internal systems of alters, only you and yous system knows whether yours is the kind of system that can evolve like that where you can appoint someone to do this kind of job.

Your quote: Every person with DID already has this type of alter built in to their internal system of alters.

NO! I don't have this TYPE of alter Already Built into my System. That is the entire point. And in the past I had an alter who would go between the groups and tell who ever was out what they needed to know. The level of co consciousness we have is that we know there are three groups and that there are two older ones who are in the world. What we don't know is what each group thinks, wants, or does. Unless "inbetween" was to tell us. Or if my t says something like we should know about it. Than most times we switch to the one who knows what the hell she is talking about.

You and I will never have a meeting of the mind on this.

Your Quote: "in another thread we were discussing what a host was....here in New York the term host means the biological body person/ the biological body/ person named on the birth certificate..."

My biological body is it's own self. My body has it's own mind. My body is not the name of the person on the birth certificate. I don't know why you can't understand what I am telling you. The person on the birth certificate is in there but we don't know her. But she is not the body.She is thought. The body has his own mind. He takes care of the inside of the body.

And we can't "appoint" a host. All we can do is ask if someone wants to do that job. That's it. If someone says yes and no one disagrees, it will be up to her to figure out how hosting works.

I think sometimes the DSM V is not the be all and end all of DID. And if we don't start opening our minds to other possibilities we will learn nothing new.

Im sorry but I dont believe my post says anything about the DSM 5. and my post does in fact say only you and your system can say whether its possible for you to choose a host. (which is basically agreeing with you and leaving the ball in your hands)

the information about host and birth certificate in my posts if you reread my posts they were in reference to my own location and what treatment providers here in my own location (New York) defines a host as.

there are many different members that represent many different locations here on psych central. sometimes it is very helpful to other members if they know what another members location is and what that persons location definitions are.....

thank you for letting me know my definitions from my location is not the same as your location. that's exactly why I place that information in my posts ...so I can be on the same page as others in understanding their posts and others can understand my posts better.

Hi, I live in NYS like you. (I think we mentioned this a day ago or so) I am not giving you a definition of my system. I am giving you a description of my system. Definition and description do not mean the same thing. (you can check that out in the dictionary) And just FYI, Your treatment providers who discussed your biological body being the one named on your the birth certificate and is thus considered to be the host, is a clinical definition of host. Your therapists didn't just pull that out of the air. I would think most likely the clinical approach to defining the host is based on information contained in the DSM V. Unless your therapist thinks this stuff up her self. Either way. I know you are trying to help. I don't think you will ever comprehend what it is I am describing and so we will just keep going around in circles on this, so lets let it rest. Have a good holiday.

I've read it both ways where the "host" is the physical body or the "host personality" leads the body, but mostly as a "leading personality". Looking back at "my" life, I can see where different alters ran the body for periods of time stretches, chunks of months or years where one or another was in control. I can tell by the varying lifestyles. Even today I'm living life through an alters personality chosen 'leader'. Back then it was an up for grabs thing. As a unit we didn't care.

But now we are all working together, most of us that is, for the betterment of the body. There's a few in here that still want to raise hell, but we try to keep them tied down. The original is still a child and never grew up. I don't know how that's going to go, but any how....

I'm aware of the alters today more so then back then. We didn't care because we weren't suppose to live, for some of us that is. Being medicated today helps with the physical depression.

Even though I'm leader for this time, we still switch depending on the situation and coping skills needed, but I'm put back in charge when the crisis is over. After 40 years of living, we all need to get along.