[idonthaveaname]

when your "in" one of your personalities, how do you know you have others? wouldnt you believe that the personality you currently have is the only one? please someone explain.

[Korin]

Welcome!

It’s quite difficult to explain and I think each of us with DID would explain it differently.

Speaking for myself, I don’t see it as different personalities. I see it as one personality that had been fragmented and leaves me very aware of those other parts. These other parts cause such significant mood changes that it can feel like someone else has taken over your body. There seems to be a glitch in my feelings and emotions. For example, I can react very angry to something but not feel angry - this can leave me feeling like it’s another part of me that is feeling angry - and I can be left feeling like a bystander.

I’m not sure if that helps. Like I said it is difficult to describe.

Hm.... well for one, I can hear them talking most of the time--even at night if I wake up. They have conversations amongst themselves. I frequently wake up during the night and they are already talking, or singing some stupid song. They all like different things (we all have different favorite colors/songs/clothes/ food/ etc). They also look different when they are out so we are fairly easy to tell apart... and their voices are different for most of them. Also, I have an "inside world" where we can all see each other, and everyone looks very different (there are boys, girls, little kids, teenagers, a couple adults). Hm...also, we all act quite different.
Did that help answer your question?

[Elysium]

For the longest time, I was not aware of all of the parts I had inside. I too see DID as having one personality, broken into pieces.

Having other parts being aware of each other part is called being "co-conscious" or co-aware. Everyone who experiences DID experiences co-consciousness differently.

Some of my parts are aware of all the other parts, but some aren't. Most of my parts can communicate, but some either can't or won't communicate directly with certain parts and are only given messages by certain other parts. It can be a bit complicated and confusing even for those of us who are developing better understandings of our systems.

There are times when one part will be the dominant presence, and I will not be aware that I (we) are that part at the time. Sometimes I don't realize it at all, but most of the time I notice a signature behavior of the part and eventually come to realize who is "out".

It's different for everyone...and if I think about it too much, it just makes me want to fuhgettaboutit!!

I always heard them talking but all the doctors I saw assumed I was psychotic till recently.Some inside believe they are the only ones. Others are co -concious and I can sort of communicate with them and I can hear their conversations. It is complicated...I'm still learning. Everyone is very different in how this manifests.

and most of what I've learned about DID, I learned from a friend...a very good friend.

[Korin]

My sisters and I are very close and often go shopping or have lunch together. I often feel that I have recovered from DID since I am so much more in control today. Then one of my sisters will bring up something I said or did the last time we were out and for the life of me I don't remember it. This makes me realise that even though I'm doing so much better something is still going on. Some part of me is still messing with my head.

[Crew]

The way we knew was though a bunch of journaling!

I hope you will journal and as you do, you will see different hand writings and you will learn also understand when they were created they saved your life So so so very worth it in the end..ultimately yet, accepting and wantingtot be friends is hard but important!


Crew

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

In my case, I never would know if it weren't for my family. My experience with DID, since I was young has been a mystery to me. I can't remember a fraction of a second when I'm in and someone else is out. I have no memory of the event and am left only with the feeling sometimes that time is missing. Sometimes I don't realize it at all. If it had not been for my family telling me the things I would say or do durring these memory losses, I would have had no clue. Until you start the co conscious phase, I don't think you can personally know that there are others. There are voices however that I hear on occassion. It's about as often as I lose time I hear voices. You can tell that they are not from outside of your head but they are so loud it can cause a headache. It's the most aggravating thing sometimes when I hear someone yell, it hurts my ears and people see me squeezing my eyes shut and my head starts hurting but no one can see or hear why, but me. It's frustrating but what isn't nowadays.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by idonthaveaname

when your "in" one of your personalities, how do you know you have others? wouldnt you believe that the personality you currently have is the only one? please someone explain.

this is just something that DID people automatically know about...

heres what I mean...

think about something that you grew up with.. maybe its a favorite food..

now think about that for a minute..

you grew up with it so you know what that food looks like,what it tastes like and how you want that food cooked, or not cooked...

thats what having alters is like. people with DID start out with all the symptoms and problems related to DID including alters from before the age of 5.

because they have grown up with alters, even without knowing the correct psychiatric terminology for their symptoms and for their system of alters, people with DID automatically know how it is to have their alters and all the symptoms and problems associated with having DID.

So to answer your question alters know whether they are the only one or not simply because they have spent their whole life this way.

[Korin]

(Nice to have you back )

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Korin

(Nice to have you back )

thank you. not back totally. we are still on the road and loving it, I am loving all these little bed and breakfast places we are finding along the way, will be back in eastern NY sometime next week, thankfully dissociation wise everything is on track and enjoying things on all fronts.

on a more personal note in regards to the topic of this thread I (the host) could hear voices but did not know nor cared how many different ones there were. like most DID'ers I did not know normal people didnt hear voices so I never questioned the fact that I heard voices.

on the alters side of things all my alters knew which alters were which, what each ones jobs were right from the beginning of their creations/splits (which ever term is more pleasing), all my alters had their own way of being including why they were here and what their jobs were and where they fit in the internal system of alters. they all even had their own types of hair styles, clothes, friends, jobs, bank accounts, where they liked to shop... the works.they all were created for a reason and their lives separate from me reflected that.

we always knew there was something not quite right about us... even as a child. we knew there was something wrong inside, that our brain didn't work like other kids' did... and the way our moods changed so completely and we felt like different people.
When we became adults and told our sister about having DID, she said "That makes EVERYTHING in your life make so much more SENSE!!" She said she always sorta suspected, even if she didn't say it out loud. There was just something different about us.

[Bmee2]

I think it is different for everyone. Just as trauma is different for every physical body. The trauma is all awful to say the least. We all have written about the noise and confusion of a crowded train station...lots of conversations, music playing, some people shouting, some sleeping, some children playing, some children crying, etc...And only when someone mentions your name are you called to attention. Most of the time you kind of mind your own business. When we had co-consciousness it like having a group of friends traveling with you at the train station. We have since lost what little co-consciousness we had. Now it is like being at the busy train station and falling asleep or dosing off. I awaken with a start and quickly scramble to see where I am and if I missed anything, or if I was suppose to do something and missed it. In the very beginning we thought we were "crazy" and society was going to lock us up and throw away the key...that is what we thought society did to people who heard voices and stuff. Now we are back to learning to be friends and get along and work together. When we were all younger we were not aware of each other. It was a good safety measure for us; maybe other physical bodies(people)had as similar set up.

[possum220]

Like SarahMichelle I knew there was something wrong as I grew up.
I thought lots of voices in my head was normal.

When different voices come out of my mouth (not under my control) and take over I know they are different. The voices sound very different. They all have different reactions.

[Korin]

For me now it’s like a bunch of siblings, a lot of disagreement and negotiation but a lot less bark and hardly any bite. I never feel alone. I definitely grew up being more aware of the inner world than the outer world. I had no idea what was going on but I can remember my mother telling me to “talk properly” and I thought I was. As I got older I became aware of a sense that my mother was scared and worried about me and all the time I thought I was doing just fine. Come to think of it, it was my mother who gave me the book Three Faces Of Eve to read. She is no longer with us but looking back, I think she might have had some suspicion of MPD and it scared her. I was oblivious of course.

[Crew]

For me I honestly felt I was crazy so I felt that I must deserve the Haldol. The only thing in history that makes one sleep but anyway... I know for me it took "sodium amatrol" (truth serum) (I know that is spelled wrong) but I was in treatment center for MPD and they gave me that and filmed it and all these parts were coming out, when T showed me while I was in-patient then I lived in denial for a while but figured it was best to start working on it, thinking it would only be like a year thing.

However, there were those that would call me a different name in grade school only now kinda am I connecting to that!

[anderson]

For us, we had an inner knowing.
but I remember one time I was talking with some one and I started talking but it was not me. It scared me at first but in time it happened more often.
It was later that I found out that others around me could see us change but to me i was just being me.
Now I am regrouping and those that I/we feel comfotable with tell me that I am still changing but keeping on topic.
But I do agree with the others when I stop and think about it and try to stay in just one part I do feel like I am hitting my head againts a brick wall.
Part of my healing was learning to trust and letting go of control. I still have moments of stress but now it is more of letting go of how others see us and treat us for being different.
Hope you find what you are looking for here to.

[Luce]

Originally Posted by idonthaveaname

when your "in" one of your personalities, how do you know you have others? wouldnt you believe that the personality you currently have is the only one? please someone explain.

Ha! My 12 year old wants to answer this one!

The way I know that I am ME is that I am most definitely ME and I am not any of them! It doesnt matter if I am inside or outside I KNOW I am me. I am not any of the adults or any of the younger kids and none of them are ever me. I am always me and everyone else is always them and that is that!
It doesnt matter which one of us is out we are still each our own selves and we dont change into eachother!

[Hunny]

Well, the question is a good one for sure...

How do you know? How do any insiders know? Some didn't know some were in denial for safety reasons. I think there are several ways of knowing and learning this name 'they' have given to this wonderful coping mechanism.

It is nice someone named the way it is done but for those of us in the midst of ourselves well the name is, well it is just a name. It can create quite a stir for outsiders but I wouldn't worry about what they think, if i were you.

The really interesting stuff is internal. Being curious about each other inside helps us to learn to function well, and be on top of it. There are many benefits to knowing each other! Giving each other clues is great. Sometimes the clues are blatant like different handwirtting, voices, behaviours and they are really true to the alter, it's really quite amazing!

But the best thing is to talk together and work stuff out and it takes some time, well really more time than most would prefer, but then again, what were you doing with the rest of your life, anyway?! When we stopped thinking about the drama of it all and accepted the fact that it is what it is was when it all became more doable and acceptable and fun and alive and wonderful! (no not the reasons for it for sure)

All the best to those of you with 'this' and to the loved ones who chose to stay loving us (good MPD therapists and loving dogs included) we say, you are the best of the best!

[CesarioRose]

At this point in my life, it's become rather normal for me to "blink" out, and rejoin the world later and be partially aware of what has happened. But being an alter him self, it's more like a very strong sense that this is me, and this is the way i've always been. I am able to learn new things, and experience new events, people, situations, and learn from them. The same way the others in here can, too.

I guess I have only become aware that I was an alter, or a personality core, or whatever, only recently. For the ones that are around regularly, our roles have changed and evolved over the years, and have slowly mutated into just simple facets of the core's personality surrounding him. But we don't know each other, and don't talk much. We talk with the core/host self all the time, and are usually sharing the experiences if they're good.

The problem for me, well, us, specifically is that many of us were created early on, and, simply, grew at the same time, but at different paces. I, Cesario are more social, and know more about social stuff then the core does. I admit my follies completely, and admit I am not always "secure" in self. Larry is a little different and sees things differently and likes different things, and is much more quiet then I am, and less inquisitive then I am.

I think if the core would answer this, he might say he hears voices of us inside, but since we're all the same voice, it's tough for him to tell if it's him thinking something or if it's one of us suggesting stuff. So he spends most of the time "away" and dissociated into one of us for the day to cope.

[krazy_phoenix]

I read this thread and needed to come back to it... I have found it hard to answer more individually or articulately than what has already been expressed here, so I guess for me, my notice of 'others within' has always been but not acknowledged the way it is now in therapy. And it is now because I want to straighten out the major kinks in my life, I want to understand me, all of me, and understand the reasons I made decisions in my past so I can make more knowledgable decisions in my future, and do my best not to repeat past mistakes. I am learning to listen to those within, to hear inside the noise, to not block the visions, to be open to working through the deluge of emotions. How do I know I have others? Because I do.

[cheshiregrins]

Sometimes I don't. When I change back to my child self I can completely forget that I have DID. I was hospitalized for "depression" two years ago and I didn't even mention to the doctors that I had DID- I had totally "forgot."
Usually when I'm saner I can definitely feel that I have more than one personality. One way is the obvious- that I act differently and have different values etc. Sometime though I can feel two emotions at once, like the child part of me gets sad and I can hear her cry in my head, but at the same time I'M not sad. It's ridiculously hard to explain.

Originally Posted by cheshiregrins

Sometimes I don't. When I change back to my child self I can completely forget that I have DID. I was hospitalized for "depression" two years ago and I didn't even mention to the doctors that I had DID- I had totally "forgot."
Usually when I'm saner I can definitely feel that I have more than one personality. One way is the obvious- that I act differently and have different values etc. Sometime though I can feel two emotions at once, like the child part of me gets sad and I can hear her cry in my head, but at the same time I'M not sad. It's ridiculously hard to explain.

Hee hee I get ya. Not many humans can. I get that "horn blaring" effect when a few with opposing feelings like like, hate, love, fear all trigger happen at once, it's like wtf- a smorgasbord of emotions to deal with.

I just knew I had others....lots of others. All the switching gets to be mind numbing.