[Lost_in_the_woods]

Oh right. Update.
Damage control is today's first priority! Sorry about the outbursts yesterday. It's not something that I'm ready to get into the details about...but we had to let her work it out for herself. And from the texts I had to sort thru, before my coffee!! Looks like a very promising start for that part's healing and hopefully eventual integration although, I am a bit worried that it might swing entirely the other way into a destructive re loop...but, for now we'll take it as a big step for a part that has been around for a long time and holds a lot of past pain. Love you 14 ♦

[Luce]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

how many memories of family can you deal with in the space of a few hours

that's our question... this morning is terrible for family memories (well it was, it's sort of calmed down now but still)

speaking to 1 of your mom's x boyfriends at 8 A.M this morning is weird.

we still didn't hear back from that guy who we were worried about who went to a psych appointment (spiritual forum), god, that's 2 weeks without him checking in. we're going to try emailing again today

binging a lot- but then it's christmas, what else is to be expected?

very depressed- but not suicidal

our meeting yesterday started bad, we actually buckled under pressure (the fact that 1 of the top managers were sitting with us freaked us, and we had a quiet word with someone and they made him leave), but we suppose it was okay.. just the usual stuff discussed really

we did get angry at some point because 1 of the people blamed D.I.D on us and we're like you have absolutely no idea what we've been through, so just shut up.

but we explained they are still trying to make us leave the country and they are concerned, but said their's very little they can actually do- but they are working it.

confusing.. but oh well.

no sleep since we last posted here

long post?

(yes this is a very long post)

WHat are they doing to try to make you leave the country? You are an adult and don't have to go with them, right? Have they suddenly contacted you after 12 years of no contact and want you to go somewhere with them??

a hell of a lot of time loss yesterday
well, memories in the morning, not too bad in the afternoon, and no memory at all of the evening (we don't even remember if we ate, but suppose we must have done)

again no sleep

today we are feeling very anxious (about nothing much in particular, we have memories) and we are upset that for most of the weekend, in sted of actually enjoying it/ knowing what was going on, we were watching it from behind a closed door (I guess)

makes us wonder if we actually deserve weekends- we never do anything fun for them anyway, and most weekends we don't actually remember what went on, why not just just stop time on a certain day and make us relive it over and over again

because that's how things feel anyway

we should also add that today is going horribly quick

don't that much like it

[childofchaos831]

We haven't posted much in this area... we have been dx'ed DID for 12 years or so... lately things have been horrible. For a while, it was good. We were functioning well. Now, not so much. It's just really difficult to keep going.

Originally Posted by childofchaos831

We haven't posted much in this area... we have been dx'ed DID for 12 years or so... lately things have been horrible. For a while, it was good. We were functioning well. Now, not so much. It's just really difficult to keep going.

All alone today. We did work yesterday but that's another lifetime. We are down to one dog and one kid.....then alone again.

Here we are close to Christmas not knowing what day it is other then Sunday. We like football. I like to watch the guys run around, throw a ball, and grab each other. Like I'm going to remember the stats or game anyways.

I feel like i'm watching from the sidelines

I was thinking earlier today how close it felt to dying, and it felt/ feels like I'm actually in the afterlife watching the previous life go by

weird observation of the day, but yeah

it also felt I was at hom with my family today.

uggg

dam family

[Lost_in_the_woods]

Bads bads bads bads nos nos nos nos goods mes doed bads

Originally Posted by Lost_in_the_woods

Bads bads bads bads nos nos nos nos goods mes doed bads

awww what's wrong?

(((((((hugs)))

[Lost_in_the_woods]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

awww what's wrong?

(((((((hugs)))

I have absolutely no clue

Re:"mes bads..."
you are not bad and you didn't do anything wrong. Someone did something bad to us.

[Lost_in_the_woods]

Drifting foggy scattered day. Past fast but feels dragging. Mood slightly improved for the moment at least. Got to finish online shopping...it's going on 4 days now!! Keep it together people!! Damn.

no sleep last night. (why do I even need to say that?)

memories of family this morning (ugg annoying family)

for now doing okay though

[Lost_in_the_woods]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

no sleep last night. (why do I even need to say that?)

memories of family this morning (ugg annoying family)

for now doing okay though

No sleep here either (((HUGS)))

Originally Posted by Lost_in_the_woods

No sleep here either (((HUGS)))

I guess sleep is overrated anyway

[Lost_in_the_woods]

I hate insomnia. Also my therapy session for today just got cancelled. FML

[Luce]

Originally Posted by Lost_in_the_woods

I hate insomnia. Also my therapy session for today just got cancelled. FML

Oh no. So sorry. I hate that.

[Luce]

I really really really really like our new t. I had a whole session to myself today. Well only a teeny tiny little bit sat on for a little while but the rest was all for me. I said all the things I was supposed to say in the notes I had. And I did the emdr safe place thingy we were supposed to do and then t and I played with the putty stuff I got and I got to tell her some stuff about all of us and how we switch and who knows who and who doesn't and stuff. and then at the end she said we can email or text her if we need to while we are away. I really like her and I am glad we found her.

honestly we thought we had yesterday (all of it), under control

but another insider has been on this account (again)

just brouzing though. I don't think they posted.

our positive for today is that we don't have any memories of family today
go us

feeling blah.

like we feel.. who cares how we're feeling, it's not like we ever mattered to anyone anyway.

someone sent us a friendship request on here though and we accepted it and said thank you to them in their profile.

we want christmas over with, we know that much... spending it alone and with not much christmas spirit so blah

[Lost_in_the_woods]

(((SHATTERED))))
I care! We feel like that a lot too
Don't have much of an outside support system. And the people who are supportive don't really understand anyway
These forums are the only place we really feel even remotely comfortable
Pretty Bah humbug! About Xmas too.

[Luce]

Maybe we should set a time for a Christmas Day chat.

all this wind outside keeps making us think of a bad memory with our family
we don't like it, especially the vividness of it

we ran out of pizza (so their goes our christmas eve feast for tomorrow,) we could have it without it, but it's tradition and we can't order 1 in time- so scrapping the entire thing and having something else (breaking the tradition for the first time in years, outch)

time confusion this afternoon

we didn't realise how bad it got until we went to watch emmerdale (our soap opera(, which starts at 7- and finding out from the tv it's only half 2

[Lost_in_the_woods]

Not proud of myself today...
Unhealthy coping last nite, big time! But I got to see my Rockstar☆♡♡♡! I just hope that it wasn't the last time... I was not in a clear state of mind to gauge what it meant to him..... just hope it was a mutual step towards reconciliation and not just wishful thinking on my end