[bornunderabadsign]

Days have past and I feel like there is no continuity. It's like looking at individual pictures in a roll of film but not getting to see the film in its entirety. There isn't in cooperation. Each one of us have needs and those needs can't be met because it conflicts with the needs of others. I am not in a good place but I'm not in a bad place either. I feel like I'm in limbo.

made quite a big decision

we've decided to change doctors (we mean GP)

the majority of us think it's a good idea, because he's really not a good one and has acted very un professionally in the past.

so yeah. going to reregister to the surgery and hopefully get someone better

yesterday christine rang and made a formal complaint about him
(we're starting to like christine)

not sure anything else has really happened

oh yeah.

we did have some violent memories last night

Possible trigger:

the time when our mother told us we can't be in the family anymore, and hit us in the face when we tried to stay in the house with her

it was all over a meal

our family are messed up (well, were messed up)

we've not spoken in ages

[elevatedsoul]

time for therapy

i wanna tell her everything, i hope i can stay in control

Originally Posted by elevatedsoul

time for therapy

i wanna tell her everything, i hope i can stay in control

hope it goes well!

(((((hugs))))

[elevatedsoul]

it didnt go
she had canceled the appointment yesterday or something i think because she wasn't there

i wish i had my own phone so that i could receive all of their phone calls, i hope i can get a reschedule soon

feeling disconnected since i didnt get to talk to her, makes me sad... i really like her!

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by elevatedsoul

it didnt go
she had canceled the appointment yesterday or something i think because she wasn't there

i wish i had my own phone so that i could receive all of their phone calls, i hope i can get a reschedule soon

feeling disconnected since i didnt get to talk to her, makes me sad... i really like her!

Ask her if she can email you also, when she cancels an appointment

[childofchaos831]

Dissociation is getting worse, more often, longer periods, last few self injury episodes were while dissociated. And now our host is MIA... don't know what happened, I'm pretty new in the system, and it's like I've been kinda thrown front with no explanation at all...

Originally Posted by elevatedsoul

it didnt go
she had canceled the appointment yesterday or something i think because she wasn't there

i wish i had my own phone so that i could receive all of their phone calls, i hope i can get a reschedule soon

feeling disconnected since i didnt get to talk to her, makes me sad... i really like her!

(((((hugs)))))

sorry you never got to see her.

when is your next skeduled appointment?

we're wondering if 1 of our insiders moved our dvd copy of prozac nation

was on our computer desk, and now it's not

(we've actually searched our whole room and we can not find it.)

[elevatedsoul]

next appointment on the 28th, she said she was sorry and that it was her fault
but i told her its ok, it will give me more time to read on this book "the body keeps the score"

[bornunderabadsign]

Some times I wonder if I don't suffer from something else because we do miss time and there have been times when I do and say things that I don't remember doing or saying, people tell me about it and I have even been filmed while in a state of dissociation, but there are also hear mean things. Something I need to talk to a T about I guess.

the site is actually moving at it's regular speed

good.

now i'm going to try to catch up while I am ahead

difficult night yesterday because of flashbacks

I am also struggling with the fact that a friend of mine died earlier this week (he was in the hospital, and never made it back out)

we want to write something for someone to read out at his funeral. we just need to build up to it (we get emotional when we go to write it)

Sitting here cuddling with our Cleo....only sanely pure stress free element of life we have left. Our job is insanely stressful with threats and a yelling boss plus people, our teen son got car and gone most of time, our mind is over populated, relationships bottomed out, our alcoholism is raging, feeling trapped in mind and body.....

[Luce]

Having a bit of a dissociative time, I have one and a half days to write six essays -

(I know that's not even doable under the best of circumstances, right? but what can ya do - that's what needs to be done?)

- but am dissociating all over the place, lots of little kid parts switching in and out and I'm not sure why. Keep coming back to find me in the midst of little kid things so all I can do is try to get back on track. But keep slipping out over and over again.

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

Have to have these essays finished, final exam and tick off for work completion in two days.

At this rate it just aint gonna be done.

[Luce]

Hnmm, triggery triggery triggery. 8 hours now and only 1 and a half pages of copied notes to show for it. It was essay writing that triggered us so much during the year, and then again in the written exams, and now here we are again. So many little ones flitting through. Of 6 essays due in the next 24 hours I have spent 8 hours writing 1,5 pages of one. the rest of the time has been spent switching and trying to get grounded.
My heart feels like its a gonna thump itself right outta my chest.

[Luce]

Gah. My trainer came to my room to see how I was getting on. I told her the essay was triggering me and I was struggling. She said to leave that one and get on with some other stuff.
So I did. And I was able to be productive. She is very very supportive of me. I am grateful.

Originally Posted by Luce

Gah. My trainer came to my room to see how I was getting on. I told her the essay was triggering me and I was struggling. She said to leave that one and get on with some other stuff.
So I did. And I was able to be productive. She is very very supportive of me. I am grateful.

it's great you have that support

how are you doing with your essays anyway?

almost done?

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Luce

Gah. My trainer came to my room to see how I was getting on. I told her the essay was triggering me and I was struggling. She said to leave that one and get on with some other stuff.
So I did. And I was able to be productive. She is very very supportive of me. I am grateful.

That's great Luce!! I'm so glad for you!

having the age old problem of not knowing what day it is

think it's monday, but can't be sure

memory is bad too. struggling to remember things

[childofchaos831]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

having the age old problem of not knowing what day it is

think it's monday, but can't be sure

memory is bad too. struggling to remember things

It is Tuesday morning where I am...

[Luce]

Well, I sat the exam and that part is now all over and done with. I still have essays to finish off before the diploma will be awarded. I have one month to complete everything.
I nearly missed my exam!! I thought it started at 10am, so I wandered over to the stores at 8:30, wandered back closer to 9, just biding my time. I was just ambling about, taking photos of the retreat.
I wandered past the main lodge, where we were to wait for our exams, and noticed the other examinees and the trainer in there, so went in to say hi. The trainer was like "I was worried - where were you?? Are you ready?" I'm like no, its a bit early yet!
WRONG. The exam started at 9. Thankfully I wasn't wandering around the stores still!
Jeepers.
Anyway, just telling it here because its a huge relief that it is all over and I don't have anyone else to tell it to.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Luce

Well, I sat the exam and that part is now all over and done with. I still have essays to finish off before the diploma will be awarded. I have one month to complete everything.
I nearly missed my exam!! I thought it started at 10am, so I wandered over to the stores at 8:30, wandered back closer to 9, just biding my time. I was just ambling about, taking photos of the retreat.
I wandered past the main lodge, where we were to wait for our exams, and noticed the other examinees and the trainer in there, so went in to say hi. The trainer was like "I was worried - where were you?? Are you ready?" I'm like no, its a bit early yet!
WRONG. The exam started at 9. Thankfully I wasn't wandering around the stores still!
Jeepers.
Anyway, just telling it here because its a huge relief that it is all over and I don't have anyone else to tell it to.

Congratulations!! Such relief for you that that part is behind you!! . Your inner self knew right where to take you.

I wish you well on your essays. A thought came to me earlier today. What if you dictated your essays as preliminary and then wrote from them? Not sure why I'm thinking that but wanted to share it.

[TrailRunner14]

Just realized that I didn't finish my thought. There is a software/app that types what you speak. I'm not sure the name of it. I will look it up. I was just thinking that it would allow your thoughts to flow more freely. Just a thought.