[Solnutty]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

seeing our mental health worker this afternoon.

it can not come quick enough.. it feels like forever since we've seen her, and we have loads to say to her

(she is coming at 3 PM, and it's just coming up to 1)

so killing time by posting here

How'd it go?

yesterday I got to talk to tara for the first time since her surgery,.

very briefly, but I told her I was glad she was okay, and said I looked forward to her getting well again. she said she needs to keep her leg elivated at the moment, so can't sit at her desk or anything yet, but she's getting better which is good.

the meeting with the mental health worker didn't go as expected, and when she left I felt very little actually got accomplished

(I like her, but sometimes. urg!)

yesterday had chicken nuggets for dinner and got no sleep

today it's raining outside. tipping down actually, which is good news for me, because rain helps my mood.

[TrailRunner14]

I hope things get better SS!

I feel too too "big" today. My body is too big for how I feel.

It's "me", the 12yo and the Little One. We are still just hanging out, looking at the splintered white picket fence in pieces around us. The grass is green and the sun is bright. We are all silent. It feels like we are waiting on something. Everybody has questions but they don't want to ask them because there are no answers. Hum.

Kind of feels like it's ok for now. There is a strange comfort here. Not sure what that is.

[dlantern]

Done a bit of self care today it was so wonderful not to worry about anyone else just taking care of myself

Recouping from last night.

[Basketball101]

Can't even be in my own house without feeling anxious or scared.All I do is overthink.Anyone for any suggestions

[Amyjay]

I am trying to let the dust settle after a destabilizing therapy appointment last week. My therapist is away on holiday for a few weeks but I don't think I can return to her. This therapy thing seems pretty hopeless really. I don't know whether to tell her I quit or just not go back.

[TrailRunner14]

[Gr3tta_0]

I start insisting i don't remember doing something/being somewhere, and then i remember to shut up.

[Gr3tta_0]

Im pissed im very angry about my life right now.
Thank you for your time, but you can exit stage left now. Your services are no longer needed.

[TrailRunner14]

It has not been a good day.

I feel like I'm done. I really don't feel like I belong here. Here, in this place, it feels foreign.

I went to see my mom today. She's in a swing bed unit and she's "her" but not good. I don't have words for my feelings. Too much. Compassion. Hurt. Anger. Need. Distance. Sadness.

Came home to the husband being a donkey butt. I actually came unleashed on him. He started the sarcastic come backs and I told him to get out of my space. That felt pretty good. I don't think I was out of line or disrespectful. It is what it is.

He had a Jeckle Hyde switch on me last night and I chose to go to bed and not try and fix it. Yay me!!

It feels good to feel stronger. It just feels alone.

It will get better and I will feel stronger. Right?

[Solnutty]

I've been sick, lost a week of work. Tired of coughing. Sore throat. Was taking amoxicillin for something else and got a horrendous itchy rash all over my body! THEN I remember I've had the same rash twice before with amox but I guess I forgot. I stopped taking it the day the rash appeared but the itching has taken days to come to a halt. I couldn't even sleep. And I spent about 36 hours "stuck" and doing some very creepy but also very creative art projects and nothing else. I literally sat in one place or in bed working on those images for nearly the entire time. And I was feeling so odd--the pictures drip with triggery subconscious meaning and I feel like I'm barely understanding them even though I made them. Ha! I know better, though. I'm coconscious often and there have been many many times when I was in a state like a puppet, watching myself do things and even participating to an extent, but it was one of the others "driving the car". I know those are Sire's pictures. I doubt he will tell me anything about the meanings behind the pictures because he doesn't want to trigger me, but maybe eventually I'll be able to understand and handle it too.

out of the hospital.

still really struggling though, especially with anxiety.

mood is still low too

but trying to do all my catching up to take my mind off things.

is it working?

not really at the moment

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

[Solnutty]

I'm stuck today. Feeling a lot of internal pain. Sire had a private convo with T. They obviously discussed some things I can't handle, and it was floating around in my head as I woke up this morning. Yay, coconsciousness. I feel like I'm going to throw up, and headaches and dizziness and my thoughts are like lead. I feel like all I can do is endure it. I'll probably end up making some disturbing artwork before the day is out. I hope so. It would help.

[Solnutty]

Talked to my T on the phone. Feeling better. I get what the trigger was. Several others were upset. It was a long conversation but I could feel everyone relax at the end. There was a lot of fear about the past and some realized we are actually safe here and now. I was also trying to dig up some of Sire's trauma material because I was afraid of it--go figure. Like a car accident or something I just couldn't look away. I'm over it for now. We've got some places to go and people to see and we're just going to focus outward as much as we can for the rest of the evening.

yesterday evening was really hot and sticky.

despite having the fan on, it was still really hot

today though it looks cloudy outside, and their's a chance it might rain (and it is cooler too, so that's good)

managed to eat a good breakfast and now just have music on.

I feel greatful to be home, because I can spend my weekend (which I forgot is a bank holiday) doing just what I want

[just-prompt-iguess]

*head smash*

Stressful.

And now I'm just exhausted

The end.

having a nice peaceful sunday (peaceful inside, I mean)

it's nice

yesterday I watched the movie, a series of unfortunate events (i'm reading the book series, so I thought why not?)

sadly, the movie was actually really poor, and I turned it off about 20 minits before the end (it did have jim carey in it though, and he's a good actor. makes me laugh)

didn't really do much else last night. had some roast bief, which was less than average, and played a few games online.

sleep didn't happen for me at all yesterday (though I suppose that is to be expected)

now 10 A.M in the morning on bank holiday monday, and i'm binging on after eight mints.

[Solnutty]

I'm not well. I've spent this day on the edge of consciousness. No sleep last night, but I did sleep some this morning. I think I've spent about 4 hours zoned out--I just stare and can't move, and someone else stops my thoughts. For my good I'm sure; I keep trying to go down the ugly memory rabbit hole. Stuff is leaking out and I just would really like to take care of everyday life. I'm in a lot of pain. Not sure what needs to happen to get pass this.

Originally Posted by Solnutty

I'm not well. I've spent this day on the edge of consciousness. No sleep last night, but I did sleep some this morning. I think I've spent about 4 hours zoned out--I just stare and can't move, and someone else stops my thoughts. For my good I'm sure; I keep trying to go down the ugly memory rabbit hole. Stuff is leaking out and I just would really like to take care of everyday life. I'm in a lot of pain. Not sure what needs to happen to get pass this.

I do hope you figure it out

((((hugs)))))

I feel like this week is going unusually slow.

perhaps it's something to do with the fact that yesterday was a bank holiday, and I am thinking that all this week is part of the weekend... I don't know

it's a strange feeling though

[anais_anais]

I just outed an alter in T today

It just came out by accident, I told them about this person, and how dirty they are and how much I hate them and how no one loved them and how they are always trying to hurt us. I don't think anyone could like anything about this person

And then T was like "is it ok that I know about them?"

At first I said yes and then I realized what I'd done, that this alter must have been in charge of me at some point which means that I am all the horrible things it is and what will T think about me now? He must hate me, it's so disgusting.

So I said "no actually, it isn't ok at all hat you know. I'm so upset that I did that" and I cried and he hugged me and told me it was all safe with him. But I don't think he would have done that if I were the other.

[anais_anais]

But I must have told him before because I was describing them and said they had no gender and he was like, "yes, I remember"

?????????????