[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by lucidity11

I went to see my son today to take him to the therapist. The therapist cancled. So I took my 33 year old son food shopping. While sitting in the car talking my son told me he didn't love me. He also said he didn't believe I loved him. He told me I help him out of obligation. I told my 33 year old son that I have no obligation to him. That I help him out of love for him. I told him I am going to start looking out for my mental health now. I told him that what he said was hurtful. He didn't care. He was very matter of fact. He has told me this in the past but today was enough. I will help him within my ability as long as it isn't going to break me down emotionally and mentally. I feel numb right now. I cried when he told me but you can't make someone love you when they don't. I will move within the next two years and get on with my life. I can't do anymore for him. I'm drained.

glad you are taking care of yourself....something you might not be aware of ...sometimes medications and head trauma makes it difficult and sometimes impossible for a person to feel things like love. love isnt something that can easily be defined so many people that I know with mental disorders and or on medications have a situation called lack of affect. this is the difficulty or inability to feel \ share\ show emotions. it might be a situation where biologically your son loves you but emotionally he doesnt feel it \ has trouble defining what it is, sharing it..

ways you can tell when someone who has lack of affect does have a biological love is when they want to spend time with the person even if its just to take a ride to the store to pick up necessities. a person with no love at all in them wouldnt get into a vehicle with someone they hate, would not talk with someone they hatein short have nothing to do with that person that they have a hatred for.

Im .....guessing.... your son does have love for you, he is just not .....feeling.... the emotion of love, therefore in his mind he doesnt love anyone even you.

it may be that his definition of love is different than yours too.

btw .... a part of being human means we do not love 100% of the time. a human beings emotions vary, its ok to not love someone all the time and every time we are with each other. if human being had 100% love for everyone 100% of the time, parents would not have disagreements with their children, adults wouldnt be fighting with each other, there wouldnt be divorce, wars and so many other things.

love isnt something that is the same for everyone and what it is changes from person to person, with experiences, and its ok to not feel love, just like its ok to hate, be excited, happy, cry, emotions just are and sometimes the feelings are there and sometimes they are not.

he has gone through a lot and if I remember right he has mental disorders that require medications so Im not surprised to hear he is telling you his mother, the one person he can depend on to accept him for how ever and who ever he may be, that he cant feel love for you.

my suggestion is to take it as an honor when he says this to you, (I know its hard not to take it as an assault against you) maybe tell him you are honored that he can share his feelings and share his lack of feelings with you, that nothing he says or does is going to change the fact that ....you...feel love for him.

[Scotch]

Originally Posted by lucidity11

I will move within the next two years and get on with my life. I can't do anymore for him. I'm drained.

We think you're very strong. Keep at it~

natalie wants to talk about something.

no idea what.. we're gonna find out

0 hours of sleep again yesterday. begs the question how long can this actually go on for?

i wish we had some other stuff to say. but we don't

[Scotch]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

natalie wants to talk about something.

no idea what.. we're gonna find out

0 hours of sleep again yesterday. begs the question how long can this actually go on for?

i wish we had some other stuff to say. but we don't

Hopefully something good?
We're sorry about the sleep. Hopefully the accumulated fatigue will help you guys sleep a bit longer next time you decide to. (Works for us?) 👍🏼

Originally Posted by Scotch

Hopefully something good?
We're sorry about the sleep. Hopefully the accumulated fatigue will help you guys sleep a bit longer next time you decide to. (Works for us?) 👍🏼

to be perfectly honest, their is more chance of mickey mouse becoming a thing of the past than their is us sleeping. but thanks

and i hope something good too. knowing natalie though..

[lucidity11]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

glad you are taking care of yourself....something you might not be aware of ...sometimes medications and head trauma makes it difficult and sometimes impossible for a person to feel things like love. love isnt something that can easily be defined so many people that I know with mental disorders and or on medications have a situation called lack of affect. this is the difficulty or inability to feel \ share\ show emotions. it might be a situation where biologically your son loves you but emotionally he doesnt feel it \ has trouble defining what it is, sharing it..

ways you can tell when someone who has lack of affect does have a biological love is when they want to spend time with the person even if its just to take a ride to the store to pick up necessities. a person with no love at all in them wouldnt get into a vehicle with someone they hate, would not talk with someone they hatein short have nothing to do with that person that they have a hatred for.

Im .....guessing.... your son does have love for you, he is just not .....feeling.... the emotion of love, therefore in his mind he doesnt love anyone even you.

it may be that his definition of love is different than yours too.

btw .... a part of being human means we do not love 100% of the time. a human beings emotions vary, its ok to not love someone all the time and every time we are with each other. if human being had 100% love for everyone 100% of the time, parents would not have disagreements with their children, adults wouldnt be fighting with each other, there wouldnt be divorce, wars and so many other things.

love isnt something that is the same for everyone and what it is changes from person to person, with experiences, and its ok to not feel love, just like its ok to hate, be excited, happy, cry, emotions just are and sometimes the feelings are there and sometimes they are not.

he has gone through a lot and if I remember right he has mental disorders that require medications so Im not surprised to hear he is telling you his mother, the one person he can depend on to accept him for how ever and who ever he may be, that he cant feel love for you.

my suggestion is to take it as an honor when he says this to you, (I know its hard not to take it as an assault against you) maybe tell him you are honored that he can share his feelings and share his lack of feelings with you, that nothing he says or does is going to change the fact that ....you...feel love for him.

Thank you amandalouise for taking the time to respond to my post. It has given me more to consider when my son says such things. It is very hurtful in part because of things I experienced when I was young. I do believe there is a part of him that loves me but continuously hearing my son tell me he don't love me and he doesn't believe I love him leaves me feeling empty, helpless and drained. I have to be careful I don't get pulled down into the hole he creates. I have enough of a hard time trying to keep myself in the present reality.

[Luce]

I am afraid of getting lost. Of losing myself. I do it all the time. Every few year its like I wake up and realize where we are and what we are doing, and remember we are not safe here. And for a while I try to put it all together. And then I forget. And years go by until I 'wake up' again.
Is being unaware so bad? It seems so much worse to know and not be able to do anything about it. Maybe that's why I always lose myself again. Because its the only way.

we're not sure what happened for most of yesterday evening (it was all a bit of a mess), and we're not even going to try and reconstruct it

we went from trying to not miss a show, to standing by a wardrobe with a strong smell of perfume in the air, to making pig noises

beats us what happened

anyway i hurt my hand today trying to stop someone from killing me (only a vision, but we thought it was real)

we ate and did our usual stuff.. for the moment we are okay

Omg. I just had an Other tell me that "I turn him on" and it shows. What to do? Ugh. It must be the eyes. I have sexy eyes, then add a little eyeliner and mascara- watch out!

But actually, I am quite feminine. Boys.

Actually, we tell him to quit. It's just so weird.

[Scotch]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

we're not sure what happened for most of yesterday evening (it was all a bit of a mess), and we're not even going to try and reconstruct it
we went from trying to not miss a show, to standing by a wardrobe with a strong smell of perfume in the air, to making pig noises
beats us what happened
anyway i hurt my hand today trying to stop someone from killing me (only a vision, but we thought it was real)
we ate and did our usual stuff.. for the moment we are okay

We hope your hand heals soon. 🤕
And it's good to know that you folks are doing "Okay". That would pretty much suffice for us needless to say. Keep at it 👍🏼✨

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Omg. I just had an Other tell me that "I turn him on" and it shows. What to do? Ugh. It must be the eyes. I have sexy eyes, then add a little eyeliner and mascara- watch out!
But actually, I am quite feminine. Boys.
Actually, we tell him to quit. It's just so weird.

D'aww. We think that's kind of cute. If it comes to the point where you guys start to feel uncomfortable, kindly ask them to stop? We know all about "weird". We kind of have an admiration for the tenacity that one of us has. *Shrugs* What can one do? What can a group of guys do?

yesterday we had another scare that someone was about to come and kill us

hell it was fritening. we wanted to tell someone, but being on our own that's kinda hard

we didn't get any sleep yesterday, and today we are just going through our day. what happens happens

Humph. Its raining again!!! Thats 3 days in a row all weekend. I want to go out and play.

[Scotch]

Hopefully the rain lets down in a bit.

We were laying in bed this morning and you know when you get this feeling of being half awake to the point that you can hear the others talking? Two hours went by just laying there talking to each other. One of us just had to decide it was time to get our day started so we got up. *Yawns*

Originally Posted by Scotch

Hopefully the rain lets down in a bit.

We were laying in bed this morning and you know when you get this feeling of being half awake to the point that you can hear the others talking? Two hours went by just laying there talking to each other. One of us just had to decide it was time to get our day started so we got up. *Yawns*

Ya, for SOME reason our magic time is like 3 a.m. By the time we sack back out......alarm clock goes off. :/

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Humph. Its raining again!!! Thats 3 days in a row all weekend. I want to go out and play.

give us the rain.

we'd apreciate it

[Luce]

:::gives shattered the rain::::

Originally Posted by Luce

:::gives shattered the rain::::

exelent

now we don't have to get too hot

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

give us the rain.

we'd apreciate it

Awwww. 🌧🌧🌧🌧🌧

[Luce]

we have been away but have to go back now and we are scared and don't want to go. inside does not feel good at all. we really don't want to go. really really don't. I don't want to but I don't know how to not go.

trying our best to survive

but with memories here their and everywhere, extreme feelings of suicide and lost time, it's difficult.

yesterday wasn't so bad, or it wouldn't have been if it wasn't for the fact our entire evening (or most of late evening) was wiped out.

and we're still not sleeping

today it is a cold day. proper autumn weather which we are glad of

[lucidity11]

Went to my psychiatrist to get my meds renewed, she asked me how I was doing and I dumped out what has been going on over the last three months. I usually say nothing I'm fine how are you. But I just dumped it all out. I felt good later and she was surprisingly responsive.

1 question that annoys the hell out of us:

"so, did anything interesting happen during your flashbacks?"

can really spoil an okay day

negatives of the day: no sleep, weather too warm this morning, light depression

positives:

ate our sausages and watched our E R programme

nothing major happened yet. hopefully it will stay that way

[lucidity11]

Something interesting I read. I had recently been taking an antacid everyday because I have a mild acid reflux. I had also starting feeling depressed. Like the heavy weight depression I used to get. (I do have enough in my life that is depressing) but I take medication for depression. I read that antacids can interfere with the absorption of antidepressants. So I slowed down on taking the antacid and with in about a week I started feeling myself again. I don't think it is psychosomatic, I think there may be some truth to it. Just thought I would share.

Originally Posted by lucidity11

Something interesting I read. I had recently been taking an antacid everyday because I have a mild acid reflux. I had also starting feeling depressed. Like the heavy weight depression I used to get. (I do have enough in my life that is depressing) but I take medication for depression. I read that antacids can interfere with the absorption of antidepressants. So I slowed down on taking the antacid and with in about a week I started feeling myself again. I don't think it is psychosomatic, I think there may be some truth to it. Just thought I would share.

Thanks, I'll have to look into that. I take Rantadine for acid reflux, an acid inhibitor. I wonder if it's the same?