can't help feeling this section is suffering just a little

their is about 4 regulars?

*silently counts*

yep.. i can think of me, AC2, luce, and lucididy 11

not even seen amandalouise here much this week.

[MobiusPsyche]

I don't post here because I have OSDD, not DID, and it presents differently from most of y'all.

I scared the bejeesus out of the little one last night with my contemplations of sui. She will be hiding for several days. It is quieter inside my head but it feels weird.

On the other hand, I was just complaining to T about the constant hum of thoughts in my head earlier this week so maybe I should embrace the silence.

[Luce]

[QUOTE=MobiusPsyche;5254657]I don't post here because I have OSDD, not DID, and it presents differently from most of y'all.

QUOTE]

You are welcome here, this forum is for people with any kind of dissociative disorder. I hope you post more frequently. Maybe others will join in too.

everyone is talking today

drowning out the positives and making me mad and anxious

i even heard myself say this morning.. i don't like it

now that's rare

[Luce]

We are feeling less triggered today after having worked thru some stuff. Still not sure how to tackle the workload for work and study tho. the one of us who does that is struggling too much with this inner stuff which is overtaking us all. don't know what to do about that.

i suppose we should feel relieved that we got through another rubbish week.

but we don't

we feel more like.. what the hell are we still doing on this earth?

[Luce]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

we feel more like.. what the hell are we still doing on this earth?

... practising the art of patience while you hang around waiting for the good stuff.

[Luce]

I feel so angry. Am I just a pawn? A placeholder? I thought I was whole enough or real enough, but it turns out I am just here to 'hold the spot' so other things can happen?? Seriously wtf? Is my whole existence just for show??

[MobiusPsyche]

I was listening to a meditation and it talked about sensing your wholeness and I started crying because it's so hard to feel whole.

what a crap life we leed, seriously

it's bank holiday in england (the day where no one works and everyone gets an extra day of weekend to have fun) and we're doing **** all.

it's like, do we even deserve weekends. do we even deserve any days at all because we certainly don't make the most of them

we had family issues last night.

namely, believing we saw our sister in the room when clearly she wasn't their

awakened all sorts of bad family memories

wrote in our journal 3 times yesterday!. we've not written in it more than once a day since... well, since the olden days

we try and write only once a day

forgot to say that we told someone about our dissociative disorder yesterday.

we wern't meant too, in fact it was purely by accident

we were talking about a website that this guy uses and i'm like oh, we have an account their too.. the oracle

and he's like.. stacey?. is that you?

i'm like... okay, well, you beat me- i'm not stacey, but you are thinking of the right person

hah

[Luce]

I don't want this I want it all to go away . I really don't want this. I want it to stop. I don't want any of it ,I don't want any alters, I don't want any thing, I don't want any one, I don't want any self. I don't want any of it. I want it to go. away. I want it to go away. it needs to go away. it needs to go. away. it needs to ggo. away. I want it to GO AWAY. it needs to GO AWAY.. IT NEEDS TO GO AWAY. I NEED IT TO STOP

Originally Posted by Luce

I don't want this I want it all to go away . I really don't want this. I want it to stop. I don't want any of it ,I don't want any alters, I don't want any thing, I don't want any one, I don't want any self. I don't want any of it. I want it to go. away. I want it to go away. it needs to go away. it needs to go. away. it needs to ggo. away. I want it to GO AWAY. it needs to GO AWAY.. IT NEEDS TO GO AWAY. I NEED IT TO STOP

((((luce))))

what's happened?

can you talk about it?

our left ear is a little blocked

causing us a little discomfort

otherwise we're doing okay

actually, the sausages we had for breakfast today were kind of nasty, and it took 2 drinks to wash down the horrid taste

[lucidity11]

Originally Posted by Luce

I don't want this I want it all to go away . I really don't want this. I want it to stop. I don't want any of it ,I don't want any alters, I don't want any thing, I don't want any one, I don't want any self. I don't want any of it. I want it to go. away. I want it to go away. it needs to go away. it needs to go. away. it needs to ggo. away. I want it to GO AWAY. it needs to GO AWAY.. IT NEEDS TO GO AWAY. I NEED IT TO STOP

Are you ok? Have you talked with your t about your feelings?

[Luce]

Yeah sorry we are okay, sorry, didn't delete it in time. We are okay, sorry. everything is alright. we emailed some stuff to t she is reading it, its okay.

feeling pretty ill today

wrong sausages for breakfast and it's really messed with our system (that's our digestive system, not our did system)

just drinking a lot to make us feel better

[lucidity11]

Originally Posted by Luce

Yeah sorry we are okay, sorry, didn't delete it in time. We are okay, sorry. everything is alright. we emailed some stuff to t she is reading it, its okay.

I am glad to hear that. And never worry about what you post. It's how you are feeling at the time. Sometimes it just needs to come out.

[Scotch]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

forgot to say that we told someone about our dissociative disorder yesterday.

we wern't meant too, in fact it was purely by accident

We kind of keep it as a closed thing too. We're worried that sooner or later we're going to end up saying "We" instead of "I" and the person we'd be talking to would probably start questioning us about it and we'll have to play it off somehow. 😳 Haha.

[lucidity11]

Originally Posted by Scotch

We kind of keep it as a closed thing too. We're worried that sooner or later we're going to end up saying "We" instead of "I" and the person we'd be talking to would probably start questioning us about it and we'll have to play it off somehow. 😳 Haha.

In the past before I was diagnosed with DID I would refer to myself as "we". It would be like if I was leaving, I might say to someone "we got to go". I was referring to the idea of "me, myself and I". I didn't know why I thought of myself in the plural but if I was asked why I said we I would just reply "me, myself and I". The odd thing is that feeling and response never felt out of sync. It felt like me and I never asked myself about it. I honestly believed everyone felt like that. I still can't connect to my t when she explains to me how she thinks. When she is telling me I can't really understand what she is saying. I understand the words just not as something real. Maybe how someone without DID might see me.

[Scotch]

Originally Posted by lucidity11

I might say to someone "we got to go". I was referring to the idea of "me, myself and I"

We'd be lying if we said that we didn't have moments like that when we weren't aware of each other back then. We used to see our reminders on our phone and we would say things like, "Oh yeah, we have to go take care of that."
And Whoaa no way.
Thank you though! You've really opened up a new world for us for being able to verbally talk about ourselves. (There's three of us you see.)
Thanks from us for the insight.

[Luce]

So I found a note from one of Me to me offering
some helpful hints on how to tackle the
mess that is Me.
I have nothing else to lose
right now
so I followed these
handy little life-with-DID hacks and

- voila!

they helped.

Within minutes me and the rest of the internal therapy team are
into the heart
of what is driving the endless triggers
of the last few months.

Thanks for the help o internally helpful one but
next time
would you please drop by
a little earlier?

i'm so glad it worked out for you!. now you have new things you can try.... yay

love those moments of internal inspiration i suppose you'd call it?

we made it to the end of another tough week. yay!. what's more it's now september, so no more hot bright afternoons- we don't need our fan on anymore

[lucidity11]

I went to see my son today to take him to the therapist. The therapist cancled. So I took my 33 year old son food shopping. While sitting in the car talking my son told me he didn't love me. He also said he didn't believe I loved him. He told me I help him out of obligation. I told my 33 year old son that I have no obligation to him. That I help him out of love for him. I told him I am going to start looking out for my mental health now. I told him that what he said was hurtful. He didn't care. He was very matter of fact. He has told me this in the past but today was enough. I will help him within my ability as long as it isn't going to break me down emotionally and mentally. I feel numb right now. I cried when he told me but you can't make someone love you when they don't. I will move within the next two years and get on with my life. I can't do anymore for him. I'm drained.