Really determined to not drink today (had 18 pk yesterday) still morning...need to do home maintenance.

Don't want guys to get bogged down on football all day.

My anxiety shot through the roof...needed a beer.

[elevatedsoul]

Me too AC2

im scared of life

[Luce]

I did something important today. Last night I read about gas-lighting, and realized immediately this is what is happening to me at work. What has been happening all year. I made an appointment to see the big boss, and explained my situation, relating it to all the times I have tried to talk to her about it previously, but without being fully able to explain what is happening (which is a result of the gas-lighting behavior in itself). The stages of gas-lighting have been evident in my discussions with her over the course of the year.
She 'got it'. Understands the impact on me. Understands I cannot function under those conditions. I am now on sick leave until proper protections / rearrangements can be put in place so this behavior does not continue. I feel relief.
At the same time I feel like I am 'making it all up'. Making a 'mountain out of a molehill'. 'Being overly sensitive.'
So I'm just sitting with that, as there ain't nothing else to do with it.

Originally Posted by elevatedsoul

Me too AC2

im scared of life

life's a ***** and then you die.

nothing more to it

though i'd quite like to know why we have to go through this hell called life in the first place

[lucidity11]

Just returned from therapy. I am consumed with feelings of fear. No given reason for this feeling just fear. I have lived in fear for all my life and I am tired of it. I will find a way to release it.

[elevatedsoul]

Please stop crying... I hate this... You suck....

more confusion

more time lost

another blurry day

ugg hate it

(probably shouldn't have told someone about our previous suicide pact). we are almost certain that's what caused all the confusion and stuff

yesterday we made a CD for ourselves. 20 of our best songs were chosen and we did it.

we have tom jones on it, BZN, emilie autumn, albert west, charleen, othjer people too

[lucidity11]

I flipped out in work. I kept switching. Some of the cause was because a close friend of mine died and tomorrow is the wake. I not even sure I will make it through the wake. The pain of loosing him is overwhelming. I quit my job as I left. I think I want to stay away from people. I don't understand them. It's just all too loud. too weird. I was walking back from getting today and everything looked fake. I could see my feet walking and I was holding coffee but who gives a **** about coffee when my friend won't see his children grow up or grow old with his wife who he adored. nothing felt real and than I had to pull my **** together when I walked in the door at work. I didn't do to good because I didn't give a **** about what I was doing. My friend Tim died in his sleep of a heart attack, he was 47 married and the father of four. And it can't be fixed, it can't be undone. He died. it's so ****ed up. It makes no sense.

[Luce]

Lucidity... Oh my goodness, you are in so much pain. I am available to chat for a while if you would like someone to sit with you in this.

[amandalouise]

so sorry you lost your friend.. a question sometimes i get confused, in order to not confuse members and who I am posting to sometimes I look back at the posters last few posts. I noticed in a recent posting you said you were retired and needed ideas of what to do to keep the internal confusion in check and in this post you say you have a job, and that you flipped out and you walked out and quit...

see my confusion and question, not sure how to help you with this conflicting posts.

example if you are retired my suggestion was going to be check with some of the senior and disabled community resources. they may have a grief support group or office that may be able to help you.

but on the other side of the coin if you are working and walked out\ quitting your job out of grief maybe you can contact your boss and explain to them the situation. maybe your job has an HR (human Resources) office where you can get information on grief support while on the job.

i'm here now too.

(either until i get bored, or their's nothing left for me to respond to)

feeling okay.

a little out of breath from moving some heavy objects, but okay

Originally Posted by lucidity11

I flipped out in work. I kept switching. Some of the cause was because a close friend of mine died and tomorrow is the wake. I not even sure I will make it through the wake. The pain of loosing him is overwhelming. I quit my job as I left. I think I want to stay away from people. I don't understand them. It's just all too loud. too weird. I was walking back from getting today and everything looked fake. I could see my feet walking and I was holding coffee but who gives a **** about coffee when my friend won't see his children grow up or grow old with his wife who he adored. nothing felt real and than I had to pull my **** together when I walked in the door at work. I didn't do to good because I didn't give a **** about what I was doing. My friend Tim died in his sleep of a heart attack, he was 47 married and the father of four. And it can't be fixed, it can't be undone. He died. it's so ****ed up. It makes no sense.

how did the wake go

can you talk about it...?

(don't feel you have too, it's okay)

[woods girl]

Finally got more than 4 hours sleep and only woke up from 2 nightmares: a big improvment! Was finally brave enough to post on here instead of just lurking.

Am struggling a bit because T2 is away and that takes away from what little face-to-face interaction I have with people, but I've put together a schedule to keep me busy until it's time to see T1

Originally Posted by woods girl

Finally got more than 4 hours sleep and only woke up from 2 nightmares: a big improvment! Was finally brave enough to post on here instead of just lurking.

Am struggling a bit because T2 is away and that takes away from what little face-to-face interaction I have with people, but I've put together a schedule to keep me busy until it's time to see T1

I'd love more than 4 hours sleep

but that's like saying cats can fly. it just never happens

by the way I am so glad you finaly got the courage to post here.

yay!. proud of you..

[Luce]

I am all over the place tonight. I don't know how to make myself do study any more. Day after day after day of falling evern further and further behind. I feel like I've lost the keys to me.

Little doggy Cleo had to go out all night long...poor doggy, so we didn't sleep much. Held in weekend linbo...not really wanting to do much.

[Lost_in_the_woods]

Apparently the insomnia/nightmare bug is going around and catching like wildfire!
I've gotten no sleep in well Idk..I know I didn't really get any last night..I think also maybe not do good earlier in the week. ...BAD SCARY NIGHTMARES LATELY!! I'm beyond exhausted but afraid to sleep cuz even just closing my eyes They start replaying.. Is wannas to gos homes������

no sleep either, so standard for us

good day yesterday (well not really productive, but good in the fact that every hour of the day is accounted for)

just have to see what today brings. we are currently hearing the church bells from across the way. it's soothing

[lucidity11]

Originally Posted by Lost_in_the_woods

Apparently the insomnia/nightmare bug is going around and catching like wildfire!
I've gotten no sleep in well Idk..I know I didn't really get any last night..I think also maybe not do good earlier in the week. ...BAD SCARY NIGHTMARES LATELY!! I'm beyond exhausted but afraid to sleep cuz even just closing my eyes They start replaying.. Is wannas to gos homes������

I am sorry to hear you are going through so much. I know how important sleep is. I have gone through periods of time when I slept four hours a night if lucky. I do have a part who likes sleep and when they are around we sleep quickly and get about 6 hrs. I only need about 6 hours. My t also told me about an herbal sleep aid called Melatonnian. It's non narcotic and works well. I use that when I start staying up until 2 and 3 am. Maybe that will help.

Wow, yesterday we were in a down mood...but today the sun is shining through the fog. Today our son turns 18! My, how time flies....it feels like just yesterday he was a wee one, literally!

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Wow, yesterday we were in a down mood...but today the sun is shining through the fog. Today our son turns 18! My, how time flies....it feels like just yesterday he was a wee one, literally!

are you all going to do anything good for his birthday?

I am glad the sun is shining their.

here the weatrher predicts some storms coming to batter the UK. if we actually get them or not, I don't know. seems pretty settled at the moment

yesterday I got a splinter in my finger. but thanks to me posting on the forum, i got some ideas how to get it out- so that's good

feeling pretty good, and " here"