[Amyjay]

Another day wasted here too. i slept most of it away.

[TrailRunner14]

Somebody.

I just want to be held. Safely. Not wanting anything.

Please.

Just let me cry.

I don't know how.

I can't.

[Solnutty]

I got to sleep last night at a reasonable hour (barely) because someone took over and put us to bed. That's never happened before. Even brushed teeth and gave the littles time with their stuffies. We were just talking to T about why we aren't sleeping and trying to think of ways to help. I'm still not completely sure who did it, but I'm so thankful.

[Amyjay]

Originally Posted by Solnutty

I got to sleep last night at a reasonable hour (barely) because someone took over and put us to bed. That's never happened before. Even brushed teeth and gave the littles time with their stuffies. We were just talking to T about why we aren't sleeping and trying to think of ways to help. I'm still not completely sure who did it, but I'm so thankful.

That's awesome, my therapist and me have been working on getting a helpful one to help out with daily living things and it has helped a lot too. She has been getting us to bed on time and cooking and doing some housework tasks, things that weren't getting done before. It makes a big difference to take care of daily living and self care things!

Draked drunk, drunk.

I don't know where to start.

we've just been so, ill

really really ill

every psymptom we have is just at it's worst at the moment

fed up

[TrailRunner14]

Denial is too loud in my mind right now!!

My counselor and I talked about a lot of things tonight.

The drive home was pretty observed as a passenger.

It's too late for me to be up. Too much on my mind I can't sort out just yet.

It's going to be ok! I believe that.

It's just a journey. It's just a push for truth and rightness. Understanding. Forgiveness. Healing.

It's coming. I feel it.

[childofchaos831]

We had a major trigger yesterday at the end of IOP yesterday morning. Ended up switching. Scared and anxious to go back this morning. It's so hard to explain dissociation to people who doknt understand. The leader does, but the other people in the group don't.

[Gr3tta_0]

I am being bullied by the number 7.

I know how this sounds, but i have to encounter it countless times per day and its upsetting.

[childofchaos831]

The trigger yesterday (a new guy being loud) happened again today. Yesterday, he was relating an anecdote, and the end of it was basically yelling STOP IT. The leader could tell pretty quickly we had been triggered badly. She asked "are you ok?" and all I could muster was "that was loud", barely above a whisper. Today, there wasn't any real one thing, he is just a loud, somewhat powerful personality. He did, at one point, laugh, but it was one of those short kind of laughs (like what I would type as "heh") and it was too loud for me. I'm supposed to be done with the group next week but I don't know if I can handle this guy that long.

[Gr3tta_0]

I felt better.

I have a much dreaded work event tomorrow.

I hate finding new pollution someone wrote on here last night while they were drinking...so embarrassing. There needs to be a master delete button somewhere for the morning after.

[TrailRunner14]

I finally found a yoga class that feels good!!! Yay!!!

Omg....it was just saturday in what it seems a short while ago. We and mother going to do some shopping while trying stay dry from that tropical storm Cindy still lingering in the area...it's been here all week, but finally the last of it is about over. We lucked out and got not much rain, but it's still been windy and wet.

Feeling relaxed today....probably clean house...no major plans....we go back to work tomorrow....

[Hazelbee]

Hi. I recently got home from a 45 day inpatient stay. For the first time I had what I felt to be a productive and therapeutic experience. I am chemically dependent and had always been put in treatment centers and came out highly agitated and incapable of coping in a healthy way. This time I went to a place that specializes in trauma and I saw a trauma therapist who diagnosed me DID-NOS. I felt seen and heard for the first time in my life.
Now that I am home I am nervous but I feel pretty good about staying clean and am doing what I need to for that issue. I have a therapist who works with trauma and has experience with dissociative disorders so so far so good. I am still in the laying the ground work stage so have not gotten into too much. I don't lose time and I have awareness of parts as they step forward, I just don't have any control over most of them.
I am new here but have been using this site for information to help myself for a long time. I hope I continue to post, I am just not great at the online stuff.
I am grateful for a place to feel heard and supported.

Hazelbee

[Gr3tta_0]

I had an incident of rolling back and forth between myself and another rapidly which makes me feel bad physically afterwards.
I've been having some increased missed time.

...I guess I'm just peachy.

[Amyjay]

My abusers called me. They wanted to come over. I said no. She sobbed he got mad. He said they are coming anyway. I am switching like crazy. I have managed to keep them away from here. But now they are on their way. I don't want this house violated.

[TrailRunner14]

So.

I've been sub sectioned off.

Dissociative Disorder. Complex PTSD. Childhood Emotional Neglect.

Three Ring Monkey Circus.

Great!

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

My abusers called me. They wanted to come over. I said no. She sobbed he got mad. He said they are coming anyway. I am switching like crazy. I have managed to keep them away from here. But now they are on their way. I don't want this house violated.

I hear you. I don't know what to say and I can't do anything, but I hear you.

Can you lock the door and just not let them in?

[Amyjay]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

I hear you. I don't know what to say and I can't do anything, but I hear you.

Can you lock the door and just not let them in?

Thank you for hearing me. Thank you for responding.
They didn't come. It is just part of his game. The hunter likes to toy with his prey. I know for certain he will pounce. I just don't know when. I spent the day on high alert reacting to the sound of every car, every voice.
I stopped playing the game. Just last week I told my therapist how I was getting so good at setting boundaries with them. I told her he was too old and too tired to get upset about it now. I guess I was wrong.

Originally Posted by Gr3tta_0

I had an incident of rolling back and forth between myself and another rapidly which makes me feel bad physically afterwards.
I've been having some increased missed time.

...I guess I'm just peachy.

Switching a lot can cause us fatigue and nausea...inner turmoil.

Originally Posted by Amyjay

Thank you for hearing me. Thank you for responding.
They didn't come. It is just part of his game. The hunter likes to toy with his prey. I know for certain he will pounce. I just don't know when. I spent the day on high alert reacting to the sound of every car, every voice.
I stopped playing the game. Just last week I told my therapist how I was getting so good at setting boundaries with them. I told her he was too old and too tired to get upset about it now. I guess I was wrong.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Can you change your number and move cutting all ties??

Talking about moving our mother in....sure she was abusive in her own farm girl raised kind of way...but she showed us love, too which makes forgiving easier.....besides...the licks are forgotten...buried..after all...it's mommy!

[TrailRunner14]

I feel sad today.

I can't really pinpoint why