dealing with some suicidal thoughts yesterday

thankfully nothing really too severe, still a scare though because they came on really suddenly

all i'm really doing today is going through the motions.

pretty fed up of life really

[Fuzzybear]

doing okay.

yesterday was the same as always.. didn't sleep, couldn't even rest, but doing okay.

actually wondering where all the time went today.

seemed to go quick

[Septembersrain]

I'm a tad bit in shock. I always just thought that little voice in my head was just my anxiety.

When I tried to kill myself I couldn't remember all of it. Neither the most recent or when I was a child.

I think I'm coming to terms with this. It's a little girl. She's always asking why did I go through all that? Why am I still alive if I've suffered so much. Why does she have to feel pain.

It's like a stranger to me. I'm strong. I get back up. I never look back. I adapt. I push through. I'm a survivor.

She doesn't want to do any of that. It's like I'm in a war with her for my very life.

What's next for me?

feeling okay, despite getting nothing at all done this week.

thanks to my memory, I did miss an important call this afternoon (which I actually feel a bit embarrassed about), but later, I am going to speak to tara for a bit and I always look forward to that (I am sure it will make me feel better!)

also not so hot today

a real bonus, seeing as it was meant to be the start of summer officially yesterday.

(though our spring was our summer, I think. )

[Gr3tta_0]

Tired. How is it that some things work out fine when how do they?

didn't sleep.

feeling glad it's the weekend, just wishing I made more of an effert to do something useful.

oh well. no wonder nothing ever gets done around here.. I am so lazy

[Solnutty]

I wish I could explain to my family that my laziness has a good reason! With this much to deal with in my head, sometimes I just need to sit and do "nothing." Haha! Like, rest my beleaguered mind.

[Gr3tta_0]

Zoo today. Happy kids party in my head and outside too.

[Solnutty]

Originally Posted by Gr3tta_0

Zoo today. Happy kids party in my head and outside too.

That makes me happy to think about

Back in that trap of thinking that everything that we say is stoopid.

I want to watch mr tumble, for, ever!

it is the cutist animated show and so funny

(and that spotty bag just is so cute too!)

and the music!

the bigs like mr tumble too

I like it when he says, we're all friends!

[dlantern]

Doing well getting ready for southerns wooo what a fun time in the coming days. I think I'm relaxed excited for things to come glad for the time to have support through the thick and thin. I excited for change and my well being isn't so bad at the moment...

See ya's around.

[cogladaid]

Hi everyone. I've had issues with psychosis and I've dissociated before. Issues with depersonalization and derealization. I've had trouble lately with derealization. Things feel like a dream.

I'm not sure if it has to do with delusions or it's a separate issue altogether.

[anais_anais]

Emotionally I'm all over the place, kind of a wreck, but I'm losing so much less time the past two weeks... so I guess that means I'm doing better. I'd rather have a miserable time but remember it all rather than this swiss cheese memory stuff.

I saw a picture of an Iraqi boy running from the fighting... a little came out and was so upset, he was being carried and was hurt and scared, and she just wanted to play with him and be his friend and have a party and share toys with him so that he wouldn't be scared or sad anymore. She couldn't understand that she can't help him that way.

[Gr3tta_0]

I don't like getting shoved around. But sometimes i do.

[TrailRunner14]

I woke up this morning with the word "resolute" in my mind.

I'm not sure what to make of it, except for the choices I've made concerning my mom this weekend.

I've enjoyed the weekend with my family. My boys, husband, daughterinlaw and of course the grand baby.

I've spent the past 3 weekends visiting her and trying to care for her. This weekend, I decided she was in good hands and I didn't need to be there. I'm struggling a bit with feeling like I'm not doing what I need to do for her, but I'm doing what I need to do for me.

It feels pretty darn good!!

I guess that's resolute. I don't know. Think I'll look the definition up and see if it applies.

[Solnutty]

Today I had my first visit with my mom that didn't leave me feeling awful. She's in post-acute with Alzheimer's. One of the others took care of the visit, and everyone else stayed out of it. That worked. I'm feeling sorta relieved.

[TrailRunner14]

I am on a course of stupidness.

It's 2:00 AM and I have no desire to go to bed. My mind is too full of what I think I've done wrong and what I should have done.

This is pissing me off.

Resolute was what I heard when I woke up.

Today was an amazing day with my family. It was eventful with weather coming in but we were together and it was good.

I called to check on my mom and immediately felt guilty.

I don't want to.

Too much to put put words to. My heart hurts but there is nothing there to make it better.

I should be old enough for this to be ok.

For some reason I'm not.

I guess that's ok.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Solnutty

Today I had my first visit with my mom that didn't leave me feeling awful. She's in post-acute with Alzheimer's. One of the others took care of the visit, and everyone else stayed out of it. That worked. I'm feeling sorta relieved.

My heart is with you.

[Solnutty]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

I am on a course of stupidness.

It's 2:00 AM and I have no desire to go to bed. My mind is too full of what I think I've done wrong and what I should have done.

This is pissing me off.

Oh yes, I do that too! And for much the same reasons. It's practically a routine

it is so exciting to see all that rain outside our window

it sounds really nice too as it falls

we don't have our music on yet.. as we are listening to the falling rain.

just makes us feel so special

like the rain is falling especially for us or something

[anais_anais]

Those days make me feel special too. Especially when I have time to lay on bed and listen. Not as much when I have to soend the day outside.

[Hazelbee]

Hi. I was recently diagnosed with DID-nos and am unsure if I am supposed to post here or not.