Originally Posted by Sarah Bee

we're mostly doing ok, but that's on the outside. inner stuff is different and we feel guilty that some of us don't feel so good when things seem to be going well for the people who are fronting

reading your post, I can't help but think that's where most of the mental health stigma comes from.

people look at you and only see what's going on on the outside (and they feel you are so happy), but they have no idea what it's like inside, and the real, every day struggles you face.

hope things get better for you.

Possible trigger:

I heard from my family today. nothing unusual, just the regular threats.

ignored it all, but left me feeling horrible

will they ever give up?

[ACrystalGem]

Originally Posted by Lavender.

Other thread has reached over 100 pages so here is a new thread

I'm feeling awful. No appetite. Want to drink. Want to self harm.
I finally got decision from my doctor that I can't get funded to see specialist DID clinic. Taken me 13 attempts over 10 months. I had to chase up docs at every turn. It's been rubbish. And now I feel stupid for getting upset. Like I knee this would be the result. Why am I crying. Gah I sound like my dad and that's even worse. I just don't know what to do.

too early to really feel anything much.

sleep was impossible last night

just took a shower and feel absolutely gross for doing it (body issues)

had breakfast, which was no where near enough, but it's what we have in the house to work with, so.

probably aught to do some online grocery shopping (we usually do it wednesday, but couldn't be asked too)

sucky day yesterday.

as well as not sleeping (again), we just didn't feel it.

we did do our shopping though, and despite most of it being junkfood, we did do it so that's a job out the way.

alicia (the part that likes ducks), is now obsessed with the new song despisito by justin beiber and is trying to rewrite the lyrics to make it about ducks

I say good luck to her

[anais_anais]

I would like to see the duck song if she feels like sharing

I am feeling frozen. Bad day yesterday. I feel like if I stay frozen today, it will keep things from getting worse. But I am probably wrong.

Originally Posted by anais_anais

I would like to see the duck song if she feels like sharing

I am feeling frozen. Bad day yesterday. I feel like if I stay frozen today, it will keep things from getting worse. But I am probably wrong.

she posted some of it in the garden

still a lot of song needs new lyrics though

well she really tried

sitting at home listening to flute music.

rainging outside

feel just their

not good or bad, just, their

[TrailRunner14]

*** could be triggering ***

So.

What do you do with what you feel when you realize that you won't have what your heart has always wanted and needed?

It won't happen and I can't make it happen.

It's not my fault.

I know that but I can't understand that.

It will take some time I suppose.

It's going to be ok and so am I.

we're getting a visit from our mental health worker today.

it will be good to tell her a few things.. first how we lost yet another therapist, and secondly how we changed medications last week (again), and it's simply not working.

she's only coming for a little while, because she has a busy week ahead of her.

but it's nice that she is

coming in to check on us

[anais_anais]

I wish it would rain.

[anais_anais]

Very anxious. I have to leave for five weeks tomorrow... leave my apartment on Aug 1.... but last year on Aug 1 I also had to leave because of a big fire. I was homeless after that and was never allowed back except to salvage my things. I am trying to say this year it isn't a fire, I am just happening to leave on the same day, I won't be homeless and I can go back home at the end of the trip.

But it is very hard to see it this way.

[Solnutty]

Symptoms are interfering with my coursework. I lost a big chunk of the last two weeks to anxiety, staying up for hours on end, and those weird flashbacks that are felt but not remembered. I'm slowly accepting this idea that I'm not always in control of what I do. I want to believe I'm capable and that I can just be normal so badly. Still for some reason I'm okay when I'm at work. That's good. When I'm studying it causes me to lose my connection with my parts, and I feel like they're not even there, but symptoms get worse. I don't like losing that connection now. I used to study and overwork all the time to keep myself from thinking and from feeling them, but now it feels awful. I guess it was awful back then too, but it seemed better than being aware of my insides.
And I miss this forum and all of you, too.

today we had the issue of getting a phonecall from someone, who I didn't know.

it went something like this

caller: hi, it's jason

me: I don't know a jason

jason: well, you do, because I have your number, and i got asked to call you tomorrow (today)

me (totally embarrassed), well, you must have spoken to someone else.

jason: someone else?

me (stunned silence)

jason: like who?

me (hang up). I wasn't in the mood to explain about the D.I.D

[anais_anais]

((Ss))

I've never been able to say it. Sometimes I will say I have problems with amnesia. Other times I say "ohh silly me!" and try and get them to say more about who they are or why they are talking to me... then sometimes I remember... other times I say I have trouble recognising names and faces... it never feels good

[Amyjay]

I have been losing too much time lately. it is really badly interefering with my work. The boss needed to talk to me today. I don't know how to make it better.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

I have been losing too much time lately. it is really badly interefering with my work. The boss needed to talk to me today. I don't know how to make it better.

I don't know why this popped into my head, but I thought of one of those fidget spinner things.

I don't know. Maybe doing something with your hands might do something?

I don't know where that came from but just wanted to put it here.

ETA. Hope that wasn't to woo woo.

time loss sucks.

I know how you feel

no sleep.

very little support

no motivation

only thing really going for us is that we didn't lose time yesterday, and all the hours are accounted for.

but what good is that if we didn't do anything with those hours

I wish I just had a new therapist.

click my fingers and I get a new one

sadly that will not happen

I was meant to be speaking to 1 today over the phone.

but yesterday she emailed to say she has no space.

so

[TrailRunner14]

I hope you find someone to work with you and help you!

I'm so sorry you are having problems finding someone.

[TrailRunner14]

Changed my mind.

[Amyjay]

Sorry this may be very triggering don't read if not feeling safe

I don't know why but I am having so many flashbacks this weekend. Images sensations emotions pain suddenly fill me out of nowhere. They seem to be about the same action

Possible trigger:

being r*p*d by d*d but all different days different ages different places. So many hours and hours and hours and hours of it.

I feel the neverendingness of it. my god. Those poor children.