[Noitartst]

Apathy/Learned Helplessness is dis-associative, so I thought I'd post here; I thought I might continue my old thread, but decided to start anew.

Well, per Karla McLaren, I've decided to do some conscious complaining, to a a church bishop, who hasn't replied to something I've written, in half a year, basically:

Dave, I have waited for nearly half a year to reply my paper, criticizing, dis[puting, whatever, but nothing has happened; if you agree, it is the vote of confidence, I sought; if it logic is disputed, then let's get the debate on it begun!

I have asked for two things: First, I have asked for either your direct involvement, or else, someone else, like a theologian, to at least pass judgment on my logic/theology, and you have supplied me with neither.

At its core, the issue with my family is largely about traffic protocols; we seem to think we both have the right of way, and who actually does needs to be straightened out, specifically the theological aspect.

The reluctance of my local elders to treat my accusations against my family as indictments, AKA formal charges of serious crimes, has been the major sticking point, alright? Maybe the charge ain't grounded, but all the same, I want the feelings, and seriousness of the claim blame well respected, and they haven't done that.

Also, here is another annoyance: When I lay out the annoyance, the elders have replied, that I should "forgive," but here's a problem: When you've got a dispute with someone in the church, you bring in another, but what does it mean to "forgive"?

Is merely an attitude issue? To me, it is merely that, and by no means, a deal-breaker; if some kids vandalize your lawn, and you decide to sic the police on them, the police don't usually lecture you on "forgiving" vandals--instead, they merely ask if you wish to press charges or no.

My view of elders, essentially, are policemen: they are there because they listened to neither the Bible, nor me. Am I angry? Of course I am--but I am following the Scripture, and they are not; my prerogative to press charges is a given, but my decision to do so hinges on whether they wish to reconcile.

I just want a reaffirmation of my prerogatives, and integrity by the elders, and little more, framework to resolve disputes.

On the other hand, any demand by the elder that I "forgive" I take umbrage to.

My decision to call the in the elders, i.e. the cops--is not for the elders to judge. Maybe I am doing it for the wrong reasons, and maybe I deserve some warnings beforehand, but then again, any indicted party by me can counter-indict, okay? In short, it cancels itself out, so the elder need not get too involved with my motives.

Punishment can be done for petty or benevolent reasons--I think my reasons good, but I daresay I still have the option to press charges, i.e. get affirmation that I have reason to be outraged over my family's hypocrisy, and prooftexting. Do I expect them to listen? No--but it validates me, and adds stature to any actions I might take on my own to rebuke them in the future.

Maybe we differ on the role of the elders, Dave, and neither you nor they may see themselves as law enforcement, but me, I see no reason not for the elder to tell my mother why I'm angry, how it is a good reason on principle I am, and proceed to mediate there, allowing I may be a liar, completely delusional, or simply dispensing with half-truths.

I can live with such a hedge real easy, I assure.

I wish we'd started this much sooner, Dave; this could have been dealt with last year. I wish not to embarrass any within the church leadership, but I do want, and expect my my prerogative duly honored. Like I said, I want--and expect this taken care of--one way or another.

If you want to distance yourself from having aided me, I'll understand, but I do expect assistance, and I expect it in a timely manner--let's say, two months.
There--a conscious pomplaint, but with a proposal to resolve it, though with an indirect hint of repercussions--i.e. to the powers that be.

Think I should send? Tighten its reasoning? What I want, more than anything, is to confront my family, and this is a key first step, a controlled one.

Thoughts?

[Luce]

Noit, I have given you my thoughts on this in the other forum, and all I can say is to reiterate that 'demands' will likely not bring you the results you seek. Most people respond to demands made of them quite negatively, and this may be one reason you have not had a response from the church bishop. Ultimately you told him he must do one of two things - the first, agree to do your will, or second, to engage a debate with you about your logic.
You didn't realize that he has a third choice - to do nothing at all. Have you tried asking him if he will help you rather than telling him what to do?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Noitartst

Apathy/Learned Helplessness is dis-associative, so I thought I'd post here; I thought I might continue my old thread, but decided to start anew.

Well, per Karla McLaren, I've decided to do some conscious complaining, to a a church bishop, who hasn't replied to something I've written, in half a year, basically:

Dave, I have waited for nearly half a year to reply my paper, criticizing, dis[puting, whatever, but nothing has happened; if you agree, it is the vote of confidence, I sought; if it logic is disputed, then let's get the debate on it begun!

I have asked for two things: First, I have asked for either your direct involvement, or else, someone else, like a theologian, to at least pass judgment on my logic/theology, and you have supplied me with neither.

At its core, the issue with my family is largely about traffic protocols; we seem to think we both have the right of way, and who actually does needs to be straightened out, specifically the theological aspect.

The reluctance of my local elders to treat my accusations against my family as indictments, AKA formal charges of serious crimes, has been the major sticking point, alright? Maybe the charge ain't grounded, but all the same, I want the feelings, and seriousness of the claim blame well respected, and they haven't done that.

Also, here is another annoyance: When I lay out the annoyance, the elders have replied, that I should "forgive," but here's a problem: When you've got a dispute with someone in the church, you bring in another, but what does it mean to "forgive"?

Is merely an attitude issue? To me, it is merely that, and by no means, a deal-breaker; if some kids vandalize your lawn, and you decide to sic the police on them, the police don't usually lecture you on "forgiving" vandals--instead, they merely ask if you wish to press charges or no.

My view of elders, essentially, are policemen: they are there because they listened to neither the Bible, nor me. Am I angry? Of course I am--but I am following the Scripture, and they are not; my prerogative to press charges is a given, but my decision to do so hinges on whether they wish to reconcile.

I just want a reaffirmation of my prerogatives, and integrity by the elders, and little more, framework to resolve disputes.

On the other hand, any demand by the elder that I "forgive" I take umbrage to.

My decision to call the in the elders, i.e. the cops--is not for the elders to judge. Maybe I am doing it for the wrong reasons, and maybe I deserve some warnings beforehand, but then again, any indicted party by me can counter-indict, okay? In short, it cancels itself out, so the elder need not get too involved with my motives.

Punishment can be done for petty or benevolent reasons--I think my reasons good, but I daresay I still have the option to press charges, i.e. get affirmation that I have reason to be outraged over my family's hypocrisy, and prooftexting. Do I expect them to listen? No--but it validates me, and adds stature to any actions I might take on my own to rebuke them in the future.

Maybe we differ on the role of the elders, Dave, and neither you nor they may see themselves as law enforcement, but me, I see no reason not for the elder to tell my mother why I'm angry, how it is a good reason on principle I am, and proceed to mediate there, allowing I may be a liar, completely delusional, or simply dispensing with half-truths.

I can live with such a hedge real easy, I assure.

I wish we'd started this much sooner, Dave; this could have been dealt with last year. I wish not to embarrass any within the church leadership, but I do want, and expect my my prerogative duly honored. Like I said, I want--and expect this taken care of--one way or another.

If you want to distance yourself from having aided me, I'll understand, but I do expect assistance, and I expect it in a timely manner--let's say, two months.
There--a conscious pomplaint, but with a proposal to resolve it, though with an indirect hint of repercussions--i.e. to the powers that be.

Think I should send? Tighten its reasoning? What I want, more than anything, is to confront my family, and this is a key first step, a controlled one.

Thoughts?

Should you send this letter to the church...only you can do that, Tighten its reasoning again only you can do that...both are dependent upon what you want to achieve and how you want to go about it, what your own locations laws and rules are for problems like this.

what we can do is tell you how we would approach this issue if this problem was our own...

for example if I had a problem with the church the first thing I would do is schedule a face to face appointment where each side could talk about what the problem is, talk about what definitions mean to them...

for example though some locations used the term dis associate and dissociate (no a between two s's) interchange ably my location does not. the first here in my location means to purposely not do something, to purposely stop doing somethings, where as the other in my location means a person got triggered and felt numb, spaced out, disconnected.

having two different definitions can cause problems in my location. if a church said to me that I was dis associatve that would mean they think I am in control of my behavior and able to act\ behave appropriately where as if they told me I was dissociating they would be meaning I cant control whats going on. this could be a cause for misunderstandings if I felt they were using the two terms to mean the first definition. by scheduling a face to face I would be able to hash out what they feel is going on vs what I think is going on.

the next thing ......I ...... would do if I was thinking of writing to the church about a problem is after writing what I wanted to from a feelings point of view then when re reading and editing process I would take out any of my words that have to do with fighting, arguing and put in things like knowing we dont agree but hopefully we can come to an understanding and a compromise on how to solve the problem.

Im a religious person so if I was writing the above letter....... I...... would not give the church ultimatums (do this or else that kind of stuff). the church isnt there to do my bidding. its there to educate others on religion, and counsel people in that religion and its parishioners can sometimes receive mental health therapy from their church. theres nothing in a churches laws, bylaws or state laws for religious establishments that state churches and religious establishments have to write back to me or do things my way or agree with me. In fact those in my area dont have the time to write back to someone. they usually call up a parishioner that has a problem and ask them if they would like to come in to talk with them. if a person sends them a letter saying write back or else they put it aside and wait until a time when they can call that person and say hey I got your letter would you like to come in and talk with me I can see you on this day and time or they put the letter aside and wait for the parishioner to decide to come in. I think of my church and religious establishments like I do my doctors. they dont seek me out, I go to them.

Again in regards to your questions we cant tell you what to do, all we can tell you is what we would do if this was our own letter and problem. only you can decide what you want to do.

[Noitartst]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

Should you send this letter to the church...only you can do that, Tighten its reasoning again only you can do that...both are dependent upon what you want to achieve and how you want to go about it, what your own locations laws and rules are for problems like this.

what we can do is tell you how we would approach this issue if this problem was our own...

for example if I had a problem with the church the first thing I would do is schedule a face to face appointment where each side could talk about what the problem is, talk about what definitions mean to them...

for example though some locations used the term dis associate and dissociate (no a between two s's) interchange ably my location does not. the first here in my location means to purposely not do something, to purposely stop doing somethings, where as the other in my location means a person got triggered and felt numb, spaced out, disconnected.

having two different definitions can cause problems in my location. if a church said to me that I was dis associatve that would mean they think I am in control of my behavior and able to act\ behave appropriately where as if they told me I was dissociating they would be meaning I cant control whats going on. this could be a cause for misunderstandings if I felt they were using the two terms to mean the first definition. by scheduling a face to face I would be able to hash out what they feel is going on vs what I think is going on.

the next thing ......I ...... would do if I was thinking of writing to the church about a problem is after writing what I wanted to from a feelings point of view then when re reading and editing process I would take out any of my words that have to do with fighting, arguing and put in things like knowing we dont agree but hopefully we can come to an understanding and a compromise on how to solve the problem.

I'm a religious person so if I was writing the above letter....... I...... would not give the church ultimatums (do this or else that kind of stuff). the church isn't there to do my bidding. its there to educate others on religion, and counsel people in that religion and its parishioners can sometimes receive mental health therapy from their church. there's nothing in a churches laws, bylaws or state laws for religious establishments that state churches and religious establishments have to write back to me or do things my way or agree with me. In fact those in my area don't have the time to write back to someone. they usually call up a parishioner that has a problem and ask them if they would like to come in to talk with them. if a person sends them a letter saying write back or else they put it aside and wait until a time when they can call that person and say hey I got your letter would you like to come in and talk with me I can see you on this day and time or they put the letter aside and wait for the parishioner to decide to come in. I think of my church and religious establishments like I do my doctors. they dont seek me out, I go to them.

Again in regards to your questions we cant tell you what to do, all we can tell you is what we would do if this was our own letter and problem. only you can decide what you want to do.

I can't seem to find energy...key problem. I cannot claim victory to myself, and I am trying to find hope in confronting my family, or something. I tell myself, day in, day out, why try? I can't live like that, and I confront because I care; I want to see an ongoing way to achieve dialog, and a working relationship, with my family, because I care.

Can I even respect myself again? I don't see how--I don't, especially if no is willing admit have no reason at all to be angry with my family.

That's what I keep hearing--that it's all my fault! I'm not responsible for my mother's actions! That's what was doing--but people keep blaming me for her actions--I refuse to take responsibility for them.

I didn't make orders I didn't enforce, and I didn't lie, and I never made promises in power that I broke. I did my part--my parents god damn did not.

They were bad leaders, and I despise them for it--why shouldn't I? I confronted, I want confront my mother as an adult to make peace with the past, but why do people keep trying to push me back into a childish role? I t is my prerogative to pass judgment on them, now, and my mother raised me to respect in particular the Old Testament; as you measure so shall it be measured to you.

That's why I'm being so harsh.

PS: I wasn't sure, friend, but were you saying my message to the elder was too much of an ultimatum? We can tone it back; how? In any case, I want a dialog begun with my mother, going forward, even if there's no immediate resolution.

I seek hope, a process to regain a sense of control over my life.

What I want is a specific engagement of a series of questions, and the key thing is, expectations; I've been atrophying way too long, and job in itself is not a reward, but a means to an end--no wonder I'm not working hard for it, itself. Hope that my family will acknowledge me though, does motivate, or at least, feeling morally vindicated over them, at least, does.

Originally Posted by Luce

Noit, I have given you my thoughts on this in the other forum, and all I can say is to reiterate that 'demands' will likely not bring you the results you seek. Most people respond to demands made of them quite negatively, and this may be one reason you have not had a response from the church bishop. Ultimately you told him he must do one of two things - the first, agree to do your will, or second, to engage a debate with you about your logic.
You didn't realize that he has a third choice - to do nothing at all. Have you tried asking him if he will help you rather than telling him what to do?

So, you think what I just well, penned, was again, too demanding? I do want certain results, but I don't see a way to achieve anything.

Seriously.

I have been patient with him, and it's gotten me nothing; I didn't get respect, or support, or anything, but more alienation; that's why I'm so angry and isolated; people don't even talk to me, and I fear rejection with reaso, alright? I expect betrayal, now, and can't well, make plans, given I mistrust others.

Why not?

[amandalouise]

I noticed something in your first post... you stated...

I have asked for either your direct involvement, or else, someone else, like a theologian, to at least pass judgment on my logic/theology, and you have supplied me with neither.

Im wonder if the reason they did not respond to this is because you are asking them to make a judgement about your own beliefs... here in America no one can judge another's beliefs, here in america every person has a right to believe what they want to believe with out another person discriminating /making judgements about them and their beliefs. the only person that can judge whether your logic \theology is right for you is you.

one way I figure out whether my logic/theology is right for me is I sit down with my journal and write about my life, where I am today and where I want to be in the future. then decide whether my logic \theology as it stands will get me there, if not I make changes in my life that better helps me to get where I want to be.

only you can decide whether your thinking style and beliefs that you hold is right for you.

respecting yourself ...again only you can know what you need in order to have respect for yourself.. when I wonder whether I have respect for myself I think about what the word respect means. sometimes even look up the definition...respect means I know what my abilities are and can perform those abilities, when I look at myself I see a woman who I like, care about and want the best for, I dont self injure, use drugs or alcohol that can do harm to my body, I wear clothing that is right for me, I dont try to compete with other people, and I dont need another persons approval for what I say and do.I do whats right for me and my family and if I encounter those that reject\question my points of views, behaviors i think well thats them and this is me and I move on to continuing to do whats right for me and my family.. ... all these things show that I do have respect for myself.

I can understand that you want your parents held accountable for what ever wrongs they have done to you but in the end thats not going to make you happy and content. my own abusers were prosecuted and sent to prison but I still had to deal with my own inner problems,

my suggestion is to think about the future. you may not get the answers and results you are looking for so ask yourself something like ok Im not going to get what I want, life isnt always fair and my way. what can I do now that is in my control to make my own life better, what can I do to help me feel good about myself. what do I have right now in this moment that I can do for myself that does not hinge on other people...

then take care of those things that are in your control to help yourself. who knows you might discover that you are a very likable person who can do things with out other people making judgements of whether your logic\theology is right for you.

[Noitartst]

I've been dealing with a lot of issues of shame, stemming from an incident that happened at fifteen, and my morality has been gutted ever since, troubled by guilt over how I handled it.

I have a strong sense of honor, and this needs to be dealt with in an honorable way, so I will stop feeling the shame of this past incident. What I want is recognition of my logic, integrity, and authority of what I tried to do.

I was disrespected, wrongly disrespected, and I want that duly honored. It wasn't revenge, but principle, but even so, it was never dealt with by my mother, brother, or anyone else.

I was standing up for my mother as the eldest son, I was disrespected; it stains me to this day, and has never been dealt with.

This issue has been ignored and trampled on by my shrinks, but I expect it thoroughly dealt with. Closure means recognizing and honoring me where right, and I was never more right than in 1993. Looking back, it makes me still feel like a child.

To me being a man, means rebuking my family, specifically my mother and brother, and having "authority" (however you slice that) honor it.

That is the way to deal with my shame: Honor and respect in where I buckled to others, and never fully shouldered my duties of confronting others, specifically holding my family accountable.

How to find the right help?

PS: The issue of authority is key; I want it honored by myself and others, just as it was dishonored.

The way of resolving my shame issues are beginning to emerge, finally, even if it alienates my family; should've been far simpler.

My integrity has had a hard time setting boundaries, and that's because I've felt guilty doing so.

Now, I start to feel better, but can I trust anyone to support and validate my prerogative? I need a way to publicly honor it--and me; I feel a bit wholer, already.

[Noitartst]

Is anyonr going to encourage and help me set boundaries according to my own standards? I hope so...

I feel lonely, and un-energized, but restful...

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Noitartst

Is anyonr going to encourage and help me set boundaries according to my own standards? I hope so...

I feel lonely, and un-energized, but restful...

Im sorry but only you can set boundaries according to your own standards. we dont tell each other what to do, how to do it and when.

psych central is a mental health support group not a therapy group. to get actual therapy help of someone helping you to set boundaries according to your own standards you will need to find a mental health doctor, therapist, psychiatrist that you can go see face to face, to help you do that..

here at psych central we dont perform therapy, we post and talk with each other and play games just like you would your best friend. we talk about our own mental problems, what our own mental health treatments are, what our own doctors, therapists and psychiatrists have us doing for our own problems and sometimes give each other thanks and hugs using the buttons at the bottom of every post.

sometimes if we see something in someones post that interests us or is the same that we are going through we post how what was posted fits our own life and make a suggestion based on what we have done \are doing to solve that problem in our selves...

for example when I find I need to set a boundary, I decide what i want to do about a situation.. example i have a neighbor who knows I what my career is, so every time I run into him he wants to talk about bipolar disorder. I found that I was avoiding this person and realized I needed to step up and set a boundary. instead of avoiding this person when he started talking about his bipolar disorder I explained to him that I could not discuss his mental disorders with him as I was not his treatment provider, for problems related to his bipolar disorder he would need to contact his own doctors, then i turned the conversation over to a neighborly conversation by asking him if he was watching the Olympics. He apologized for trying to turn my career into a neighbor issue and we talked about the Olympics.

only you know what problems you are having and what boundaries you want to set around those problems and how to do that according to your own standards.

my suggestion is sit down and think about what boundaries you want in your life and how you want to go about having them in your life and where. then its just a matter of following through with living with in your boundaries that you set for your self.

[Noitartst]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

Im sorry but only you can set boundaries according to your own standards. we dont tell each other what to do, how to do it and when.

psych central is a mental health support group not a therapy group. to get actual therapy help of someone helping you to set boundaries according to your own standards you will need to find a mental health doctor, therapist, psychiatrist that you can go see face to face, to help you do that..

here at psych central we dont perform therapy, we post and talk with each other and play games just like you would your best friend. we talk about our own mental problems, what our own mental health treatments are, what our own doctors, therapists and psychiatrists have us doing for our own problems and sometimes give each other thanks and hugs using the buttons at the bottom of every post.

sometimes if we see something in someones post that interests us or is the same that we are going through we post how what was posted fits our own life and make a suggestion based on what we have done \are doing to solve that problem in our selves...

for example when I find I need to set a boundary, I decide what i want to do about a situation.. example i have a neighbor who knows I what my career is, so every time I run into him he wants to talk about bipolar disorder. I found that I was avoiding this person and realized I needed to step up and set a boundary. instead of avoiding this person when he started talking about his bipolar disorder I explained to him that I could not discuss his mental disorders with him as I was not his treatment provider, for problems related to his bipolar disorder he would need to contact his own doctors, then i turned the conversation over to a neighborly conversation by asking him if he was watching the Olympics. He apologized for trying to turn my career into a neighbor issue and we talked about the Olympics.

only you know what problems you are having and what boundaries you want to set around those problems and how to do that according to your own standards.

my suggestion is sit down and think about what boundaries you want in your life and how you want to go about having them in your life and where. then its just a matter of following through with living with in your boundaries that you set for your self.

Hm...I seem to want to project my shame onto other people, in order to deal with it. I guess that I don't want boundaries so much as to restore my honor. I read that shame leaches emotion, and that is what is happening to me.

I desperately want others to vouch for my honor and integrity with my family, but because they want to frame it all as vengefulness, and me not being able to forgive, it all comes back to I want honor, but I don't feel comfortable doing so myself, completely.

I want others to help me reach that place, but beyond that, I want to confront my family on equal terms. Restoring my integrity is key; I feel bled out, and want to go on the attack, in an appropriate manner, but the paasiveness enouraged is a masochistic *****-smack to honor, and integrity.

"Forgiving" myself never worked, because that is to imply asserting my prerogative was wrong--it isn't.

[Noitartst]

Question is, how to restore honor? I am trying to find a way to honor it, basically, but haven't found much.

I really feel little support for my honor, and that bothers me. If others aren't willing to help me confront others I have a beef with, I sense disapproval, and that is part of it.

I approve of what I'm doing, yes, but I seem isolated, and that fills me with..misgivings, clouding my determination to move ahead, and I want to finally end them.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Noitartst

Question is, how to restore honor? I am trying to find a way to honor it, basically, but haven't found much.

I really feel little support for my honor, and that bothers me. If others aren't willing to help me confront others I have a beef with, I sense disapproval, and that is part of it.

I approve of what I'm doing, yes, but I seem isolated, and that fills me with..misgivings, clouding my determination to move ahead, and I want to finally end them.

that depends on ones own definition of honor. most people that I know do not ....restore....their honor. they instead move forwards in life by knowing they cant undo what had already been done all they can do is from ....this moment.... on be the kind of person they want to be.. if they want people to respect them, then they build respect in their self from the present moment on...

example if someone has done me wrong I think ok thats them this is me and i dont want to be the kind of person that lives in the past, rehashing what they did wrong to me. I want people to respect me for who i am today..do I like myself yea Ive got a great body considering I have given birth to three children and I have some wonderful qualities that if others dont want to get to know thats their problem me from this moment on i will be the kind of person I want to be. I cant control others I can only control me.

then i let the past issues drop and deal with them where I can... in therapy with my treatment providers and move on.

my suggestion is that if you are having a problem with restoring your honor then dont....restore... build your present life into the way you want to be from this moment on. you cant undo what has already happened so its up to you where you want to focus you and your life.

only you can say whether its worth it to ....restore what was in the past.... or move beyond the past and become who and what you want to be today.

[elevatedsoul]

it sounds like you want someone to tell you that you are right and justify actions that you taken for you... ?

i have found that its important for me to not put so much weight into what other people think about my actions.. but for me to do what i feel is right, honoring myself the best i can and not needing to have it proven because i know what im doing is the best i can do and that i always look at things from others point of view so that i can rest assured that if i have made a mistake then i can fix or try to fix it..

honor comes from inside, for me, because in my opinion alot of things that people seem to hold highly i dont agree with.. some things some people view as honorable i can find disgusting...

we are all different and see the world through different sets of eyes, so we have to remember that just because someone has a specific opinion does not make it the golden standard...

i have had many things happen and have done many things that i am upset about and find disgraceful as well, i often find myself thinking about those things and how i would of done things different..
how some things that i did feel right and still people see them as wrong.. (even within)

but all i can do is to let go of it the best i can because things that happen cant be reversed, but we can move forward with the knowledge gained from those things...

you experienced something that you feel strongly about, there is nothing wrong with that.. but to let it rule your life and keep you from experiencing further and growing more and hurting yourself over the ideas and perceptions of others.. this is something we have to try to avoid, we can't control others and can't make them think and feel the way we want them to.. instead we have to let them be them, and we be us... do whats good for us, whats right for us, take care of ourselves and move forward - if those people that you speak of dont want to move forward with you then that is their problem and you should move ahead without them because it is your life and you should not let the past hold you in this cage..

working with a therapist is probably the best idea since it sounds like it has been something that has bothered you for a long time, you can explore the thoughts and reasons.. the feelins and desires from these experiences and resolve these "frozen" moments that we often find ourselves holding onto tightly... for fear of resolution.. but the natural feelins we have actually prevent resolution and are counter productive, so try to just be with yourself and not let the outside be so controlling over your inner world..

this is our life and not theirs, honor ourselves and we will get respect from those who deserve our company...
try not to seek validation too much from the outside.. i have found that always leads to disappointment for me...

but i dont have any friends and im not close to anyone, i barely talk to my family even though i live with them and i guess that is just how i am.. what i say obviously isn't the golden standard either, its just my perspective and experience..

i hope that you are able to feel a little better soon