Stealing personality traits? (Possible triggers)

For as long as I can remember, I've always stolen positive personality traits from others.

My mother and her boyfriends were highly abusive physically, emotionally and mentally. I've been raped, beaten and I've attempted to end my life.

I have adapted by stealing traits from others to cope and hide away my background. I couldn't use anyone I grew up as a role model. I didn't want to be a drug addict or an alcoholic. I didn't want to abuse other people either. So I keep burying myself.

My psychologist basically hinted that he doesn't know how to help me. He even cleared me back to work even though I've got a clear desire to end my life. (Sorry if a trigger).

My tests came back invalid. Which I'm pretty sure is due to the fact that I'm dissociated with who I am and filled with those other traits. I don't know how to find me anymore. I can never tell if what I'm thinking is myself or the person I'm trying so hard to be.

It feels like I'm hitting a wall and can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Has anyone here done these things? If so, what do you do to connect with yourself? Do you accept this part of yourself and understand it?

Thank you.


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yes I have done this but the idea came from one of my therapists. here in NY what you do is a completely normal acceptable behavior and is a therapeutic tool for many different problems taught to people with anxiety, depression, low self esteem, PTSD and many more normal \ physical and mental health issues.

the basic premise behind it here in my location is to look towards someone who has positive characteristics about them and then act as if you have those same characteristics. this makes feel good about their self and that they are capable of doing and being everything that those they look up to are.

Im wondering if its not coming up on tests as abnormal is because this kind of thing is considered to be normal thing to do, and that your treatment providers do not know how to help you because you are doing something they consider to be normal and perfectly acceptable behavior that is a well known and taught therapy technique. how do you tell someone not to do a therapy technique that they learned how to do on their own.

only the person doing this behavior can stop their self from doing it, just like someone who twirls their hair or taps their fingers, or licks their lips constantly or puts their thumb in their mouth are the only ones that can stop these habits.

my suggestion would be if you dont want to emulate the positive things you see in other, when you notice you are doing something someone else's character, say to your self that isnt me, then go back to being and doing what you like to do, what you want to do that feels more natural to who and what you are...

example i love how my wife smiles a certain way. one day I noticed I was smiling like her so I told my self hey i just smiled like her, now to smile like me. then went back to smiling like me.

another time I wasnt feeling so happy but noticed i was emulating a co workers happy attitude. I said to myself ok just because so and so is happy go lucky doesnt mean I have to be then went back to being my not feeling so happy about my job at that moment.

that said if you mean having alters who's sense of agency is to copy others. when that happened to me my treatment providers said it was completely normal to have alters whos job, purpose, reason for being was to do this and that there was nothing to do about it. with DID part of the disorder is to have alters who have their own jobs, purposes, reasons for being what and who they are, how much control they have and so on which is now called "sense of agency" in my location. eventually when their sense of agency was no longer needed because I was able to handle my life on my own again they integrated /merged became one with me to now I am one whole person again.

in this situation my suggestion is to just give it time eventually the problem will solve itself as you become healed\ better able to handle everything that the alters are doing for you.

I found moving 2 states away to unsiscovered country rather refreshing- to get away from the last life. But---- where ever you go....there you are.

Why would you now after understand hold urself to that guilt stealing! It's one thing to be in ur head space like I'm a thief but I wouldn't outlet to no on in that way, the research explains that enough. If you not well versed it's a blessing to understand it for what it really is.

I do understand the hiding so no one can see the real you.

I've done this thing called a "Life Reset": thats where all us alters made a bungle of it and mentally hit the reset button which can entail moving away, changing jobs, starting a new life.

But with these life resets, I also try changing me, searching for the right set up for a stress free and happy living.

I'll get into programs and meet other people like me like AA for drinking, NA for pilling, trauma groups, rebuilding myself by throwing away what I thought was wrong and building on the good characteristics.

It took will, work and determination to peel back the layers.

But alas, I don't know how much of this has to do with being a chronic multiple. You see, we weren't aware of the truth at those times, so basically we were unknowingly restricting parts from presenting in our singlular life-style, the ones that did cause negativity for us. I always thought it was a learning thing but now I can see it for what it is.

Septembersrain, hopefully she has or will get our perspectives shared in this post at some point if too early for her to know all that now

When I was 16 I was feeling like I had no way out of the insanity of my family. It was crushing me. Than I realized that I didn't have to be my family. I didn't have to be abusive, violent, perverted etc. I realized that I could be who ever I wanted to be by behaving in the way I wanted people to know me. That my life could be what ever I wanted it to be by behaving like a "normal" person. When I realized this, it was a weight lifted off of me. I wasn't pretending to be someone else, I was behaving like I wish my family would have behaved. My system is made up of parts who's job was to keep us balanced and safe. And it worked for decades. Not always perfectly all the time but we got through life raising my son, holding down a steady job for 22 years, making "normal" friends who were more family than friend. I also took traits from people I respected. I would sometimes hear something I would say and realize it was influenced by some who I loved and respected. If I would have had a safe home and sane family I might have loved and respected them, and took some of their traits. But I didn't. I didn't want to be like any of them. And I'm not.

After multiple years of RA like imprisoned life....when I turned into a teenager, I had to play catch up and copy/mimic people to stumble through social interaction just because I had no idea how to be human. I was socially inept- like a raw nerve exposed to the elements.

This was survival along hiding a past which was what I was actually also trying to bury anyways.- to get rid of the history....like Instant Ramen People- add hot water (Ramen Noodles?)

Anyways....you'll eventually pull a you out of it based on your ethics and beliefs. I did, then another pops out and do their own thing, but that doesn't influence too much.

Bu

After being basically shackled as a child and early teenager I had to play catch up ...

I stumbled through social interactions.. fortunately or maybe unfortunately I was a pretty young bear so attracted rather a lot of male attention..

Still playing catch up, in a sense... I do not relate much to the conversations many "normal" people engage in..

i do not know if you have DID or how your dissociation affects you, but have you ever tried DBT? it is used a lot for those with a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder but is also used for other things, though i did wonder if you might have that diagnosis as it's common in it for people to not know who they are, lose their sense of self, and take on the traits of those around them. it also does include a type of dissociation in some. it teaches a lot of different things, mindfulness, etc. which also might be useful for you so you can try to stay more present.

for me, it took a lot of years and big life events for things to change and shift inside of me in order for intense symptoms to lessen enough so that i was able to be just me instead of a swirling mix of other parts/alters. if that never happened, i wouldn't have been able to start figuring out who i was.

I did not know Canada considers people purposely taking on personality traites of those around them to be DID. here in america DID alters are not purposely created and do not purposely take on personality triates of those around them...

that said we do have a type of alter that is considered by american standards different than DID type alters called introjects that do take on the negative and abusive traites of someone that has been abusive and negative in a persons life. But its the alter not the one they reside with in and its not a purposeful thing for reasons of fitting in and hiding situation here where I am.....wondering if that is what you mean? that its possible to have this type of alter (introject) that does take on the the negative and abusive personality traites of others around them?

no. as far as i know, that is not a part of DID criteria here. i just wasn't sure if the poster has DID or not which was also why i wondered if they maybe have a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder as it's common in that (with a degree of dissociation for some).

but, yes, introject alters can be there too.

i know this forum is inclusive of all dissociative disorders and things that can include them (like borderline personality disorder in some cases, etc.), so people posting don't all necessarily have DID, though a lot of us who are on here do and seem to be the majority that respond to posts which can maybe be confusing at times to both the original posters and the replies given (or just to me maybe).

hope that clarifies where i am coming from.

yes that clarified it for me. I mentioned related to DID because that was the dissociative disorder you mentioned in your post I quoted. yes this forum is for all kinds of dissociation not just DID sorry if I confused you, and thanks for clarifying your post for me.

I do tend to feel like the real me is not really accessible. It's odd that I'm constantly feeling like a stranger. I prefer to be alone because I don't have to think about myself at all.

It feels like I'm fractured greatly. For example when I'm around people who are going through troubling times, I'll act in a way that puts them as a priority. I won't show any of my own emotions. Like I'm using them as a means to completely negate my own existence.

I sometimes do things and cannot ever recall what exactly I've done. Like my mind was working off autopilot. Sometimes I'll remember later but not always. It frustrated me to no end to have such huge lapses in my memories.

It feels like I'm not meant to be here, to be alive. That somehow I'm just drifting through defective and unsure of why I'm still here. I'm sad but yet I can't even really identify where exactly the emotions are originating from. When people ask me how I truly feel, my answer of "I don't know" is not me deflecting.

I do spend a lot of time having maladaptive daydreams like my mind is seeking a place where it can be welcome.

I feel like a black and white painting in a world of color.

I'm totally like you...more into others then myself....who wants to go there?....NOT ME!!!

I can feel my fragmentation...they have jagged edges like broken glass or ice. All I have left is my blind Chihuahua....other then work....I need to be alone.

My memory is ****. We drink to be drunk...at least have some fun...alone. Gotta quit.

I'm always alone....but yet not. I sit for hours in silence but totally emersed in mental convo.

You aren't unique like me...(((hugggs))). We get it.

I've kept myself socially ostracized for many years now relationally speaking as well. Since dx's on this journey of our story I've have been mostly force to look at this aspect mostly wondering how does this happen. I just try to use an aspect of helping others you are the sum total of several folks you have been around media speaking as well. I think that means helping someone out not keeping urself and your gifts to yourself. If that means acknowledging what gift you stole I have used that term as well and I think it is totally fine. I think we grow people we use other's stuff, sure there is a fine line of I just want to mock like a child on a playground. I think if you reframe it is I'm going to use ourselves so that we help folks. I also think that and I have had to reframe and be creative to modify their likeness into what I'm looking to portray because in fact we are going to eclipse those moments of the past with new gifts people moments relationship with an ever changing world.

Also folks from the past stole stuff they didn't keep that mentality from helping people. I think it is a conversation of denial there is frustration is explaining to folks what dissocaitive disorders are. I also think people don't care to go on the journey with you so that feed our misunderstanding and there is certainly a lack of support so that feels like hate inside of support. I might as well use the easy term I stole ya. I've been there it can be a trigger I validate it by asking inside for creative to be in an alter despite the past hate I've gotten only certain ones though. It is also great to crush on our own individualism and knowing that is does get better later on.