[lucidity11]

i went to session today and the part who talked is someone who is filled with sorrow and despair. She stayed out for the full session, i went into the decompression room and laid down for a bit than went to the car. My mind and body was filled with crushing grief and sorrow. she was still here and so was the one who is in the world, who drives. she almost suffocated us, I felt like I was losing my mind my body was in so much pain, i felt desperate. I got home and laid down to hide. my brain was spinning. I just wanted it all to stop. I finally got ice and put it in a towel and held it to my face and head while still in bed. I couldn't focus on anything I just wanted the crushing feelings to stop. She didn't mean to hurt us but she was out too long. she had control for so long. even now hours later I can still feel the pain and the sorrow. i am not sure what happened.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by lucidity11

i went to session today and the part who talked is someone who is filled with sorrow and despair. She stayed out for the full session, i went into the decompression room and laid down for a bit than went to the car. My mind and body was filled with crushing grief and sorrow. she was still here and so was the one who is in the world, who drives. she almost suffocated us, I felt like I was losing my mind my body was in so much pain, i felt desperate. I got home and laid down to hide. my brain was spinning. I just wanted it all to stop. I finally got ice and put it in a towel and held it to my face and head while still in bed. I couldn't focus on anything I just wanted the crushing feelings to stop. She didn't mean to hurt us but she was out too long. she had control for so long. even now hours later I can still feel the pain and the sorrow. i am not sure what happened.

I'm so sorry you are in that place! My heart so hopes you find a safe grounded place. Wish there were words that could help, but I don't know them. If it helps, I hear you and I'm here.

[Luce]

Some parts of ourselves have such heavy burdens to bear, don't they?

A while back we had some very burdened ones around and their overwhelming emotions leaked through like that sometimes. I was having trouble coping with it until a wise one within me left a note for me effectively saying "Don't worry. Allow yourself to feel it fully. It will pass." That gave me the courage to allow myself to feel it without needing to fight or defend against it.

I felt it. It was awful. It passed.
Makes me so thankful for the ones in us for whom those feelings are their entire experience. May they also know peace and love one day.

Kia kaha. Have courage.

[Luce]

Originally Posted by Luce

Some parts of ourselves have such heavy burdens to bear, don't they?

A while back we had some very burdened ones around and their overwhelming emotions leaked through like that sometimes. I was having trouble coping with it until a wise one within me left a note for me effectively saying "Don't worry. Allow yourself to feel it fully. It will pass." That gave me the courage to allow myself to feel it without needing to fight or defend against it.

I felt it. It was awful. It passed.
Makes me so thankful for the ones in us for whom those feelings are their entire experience. May they also know peace and love one day.

Kia kaha. Have courage.

Don't even know what to say to this. "Allow yourself to feel it fully. It will pass."

For whom? For whom will it pass??

[Scotch]

Originally Posted by Luce

Don't even know what to say to this. "Allow yourself to feel it fully. It will pass."

For whom? For whom will it pass??

We think they mean to say for the system you share.

[lucidity11]

Originally Posted by Luce

Don't even know what to say to this. "Allow yourself to feel it fully. It will pass."

For whom? For whom will it pass??

I felt completely consumed by these powerful emotions. I'm not sure I can identify all the emotions. I know there was deep despair and sorrow but the other feelings I can't name. Even now as I am writing this I feel pain in my heart. I don't have anything specific to identify what these feelings come from. It's just absolute crushing despair with not identifiable reason. If I feel sadness over a memory I can explore the feeling and understand why I have sadness. And try to put the feeling of sadness in the proper time. But the part who is made up of these emotions is very heavy, very quiet, soft spoken, but hard to move. I think she presents overwhelmed but reserved. She didn't have anger. Just bottomless emotional pain.

[L.P.]

I understand how brutal it is when someone comes along and the sheer depth and volume of their emotional state overpowers all else. I also understand how amazing and powerful it is that she felt safe enough to come forward during t. That speaks volumes to me and suggests that you have done a wonderful job of creating a sense of safety for those in you who need it most. She was there for the duration of t; that seems so very big to me. Such strength that took on her part. Such strength it takes on your part, not only to endure it, but to speak on it as well. I congratulate you all. Perhaps this comes as little consolation as you live through this, but live through it you do. Your strength lives on. I am pulling for you that things settle down soon and that you may find bits of peace, self comfort, in the midst of this.

-Amsterdam

[lucidity11]

When she was talking with t she was almost monotone and spoke slowly. Not at all like someone who holds such pain. I don't think she knows any other way to be. And I think if she could let the emotions be expressed she would no longer need to be a helper. She does not seem to care either way if we were overwhelmed by her presence or not. She does seem curious about t and other parts. I don't know why. But I think she is the one to open the flood gates. Knowingly or not.

[Luce]

[QUOTE=lucidity11;5300918]When she was talking with t she was almost monotone and spoke slowly. Not at all like someone who holds such pain. I don't think she knows any other way to be. And I think if she could let the emotions be expressed she would no longer need to be a helper. She does not seem to care either way if we were overwhelmed by her presence or not. She does seem curious about t and other parts. I don't know why. But I think she is the one to open the flood gates. Knowingly or not.[/QUOTE

I think we have one who is similar to that... in presentation at least. Speaks in a monotone and doesn't move. It is like she only has enough bodily connection to use the voice.

What do you mean when you say you think this one in is the one to open the floodgates?

[kecanoe]

Originally Posted by lucidity11

I felt completely consumed by these powerful emotions. I'm not sure I can identify all the emotions. I know there was deep despair and sorrow but the other feelings I can't name. Even now as I am writing this I feel pain in my heart. I don't have anything specific to identify what these feelings come from. It's just absolute crushing despair with not identifiable reason. If I feel sadness over a memory I can explore the feeling and understand why I have sadness. And try to put the feeling of sadness in the proper time. But the part who is made up of these emotions is very heavy, very quiet, soft spoken, but hard to move. I think she presents overwhelmed but reserved. She didn't have anger. Just bottomless emotional pain.

I think I know what you are talking about. For me, that part was 2 year old Marie. Deep sorrow, deep despair, heavy heart, hungry heart, desperate, heavy. It would overwhelm the whole system and make me immovable. Poor little kid suffered so much for so long.

As I got to know her, I realized that she was the part that held all of my negative feelings. And that she was too young to voice them. It was hard for her to talk about it because she simply did not have the words.

It has been a hard and slow process of reaching toward her and understanding her and loving her and appreciating her for all that she has done for the system over all of these years. It helped to have her draw things, even though she didn't know how to draw she could color a page to look like what she felt. My therapist gave me a teddy bear for her that she still holds a few times a week. I have learned to be patient with her and to try to comfort her.

T3 says that I switch to her when I can't cope with things that are going on in the present and that I am afraid of the emotions she holds. I think she is right about that. I try to accept and love her.

[lucidity11]

I went to session today because of how very bad we felt after last session. My t asked me to introduce myself to the one who was at last session. The one with all the pain and despair. (i am a part) I didn't know how, it's like we can't talk to her like we talk to each other. My t even said that maybe she is the original one born. But I don't think so. Or maybe I am afraid of that. She is in so much pain. I don't think we could live in that kind of pain. At present we are all parts and don't have an original one that we know of. As I am writing this I can feel her pain pushing up and it scares me but I also know she needs to release all that.. I just don't know how that is done

[kecanoe]

I remember when I was first learning that I have a 2 year old part that was the place where I sent all the hurt. Her pain was overwhelming. So painful and so scary. I didn't think I could live with it. I am sorry you are going thru this.