Disconnected because of......

Am wondering if anyone out there has experience of being so disconnected from people, ( except those of family and close friends) if you see yourself in a friendship, and or relationship (romantic) ever?
I have not been in any kind of friendship or relationship for the past 9 years, and feel at times it will not happen with me that I find anyone to be with romantic or friendship wise. I think it is certainly because of what different parts of me think and feel about being close emotionally or even physically. Yet watching shows that portray a good close relationship, I wish I had one, but then think no I don't. I wonder if being disconnected from people my own age as the only people in my life are my two kids, will make for meeting somone more difficult? Over the 9 years I have tried, but a part pushes people away. Hate loneliness but want it too. Feel in-between and makes things harder. Thoughts??

question do you mean .... isolated...?

heres why I ask.... in my location the word disconnected when used in the dissociative sense means a a special kind of ..numbness, lack of feelings for something....

example when I am feeling my disconnected from my body I look at a body part like my fingers, but I......feel .... a sense of numbness like it seems as if those fingers are not attached to my hand because my mind cant....feel.... them, no emotions, no mental attachment to my fingers. I know they are there and that they are my fingers I just cant ....feel ..... them, you know that numb feeling you get when you go to a dentist and the dentist gives you a chot of a numbing agent, you know your lip is still there but you cant ......feel...... it physically or mentally.

another example of how the term disconnected in regards to dissociative problems is used in my location....

during a stressful meeting I can look at the people in the room, look around the room and not.....feel... anything for them, no emotions, total numbness, I dont like or dislike anything in the room, or the people or the topic, just numb no emotions watching from afar kind of feeling.

in my location what you describe in your post is called isolation...when an alter of mine tried to push a friend way from being my friend that alter was trying to isolate me, make it so that I had no friendships in order to ensure I would not tell the secrets. sometimes after a hard work day I come home and isolate by going into the bedroom away from my family and friends for a while. sometimes during my depression pattern with my bipolar disorder I isolate or push my wife away even though i may want and need her to hold me.

Another term my location uses for purposely stopping one self from participating and being a part of things is called dis- association. this is different than dissociation.

now you see why I asked you if you mean what my location calls isolation.

the way I stop isolating is by taking a few minutes to breath and remember its not always a good thing for me to isolate from those who care for me. then i make a plan of action that will allow me to have "me time" as well as have time for other people and events. my doctors also help by adjusting my medication so that I am no longer so full of anxiety and depression to where I want to isolate to the extreme.

my suggestion maybe you can talk with your treatment providers and they can help you draw up a treatment plan that will allow you to have that time where you can be apart from others but yet partake in activities and such that will enable you to have friendships, relationships that you would like to have.

I am not in a relationship and have not been for a very long time. I know I (we) are not ready for one. Perhaps one day that might be different, but I don't see how. We have too much trauma around attachment to even really see it as a possibility. We have never been loved and can't even imagine it to be possible.
However, we are now seeing a T who can do EMDR, and after researching that I see it might be a possibility at some point to target some core beliefs around that.
Not yet, but.
We don't even really have friends... well we have two very long time friends that live far away from us. Family... nuh uh, don't want 'em. We are very isolated in real life. Although at work we are surrounded by people every day. But they only really see me, and the front functional ones. Nobody knows what happens after hours, or how dysfunctional we really are. That is all so very, very hidden.

We know that the isolation keeps us stable. We have a fine line to walk in order to be functional... once we stray from that narrow path our stability comes crashing down like a house of cards.
Sad, but it is what it is.

We can relate and all. We could make friends with the folks at work and continue to keep a connection with the folks that we were friends with before we knew we were well you know- us but it's difficult because it just sort of opens up the door to a lot of questions if we were to tell them "what" we were.

"We" want the relationship or friendship with another person but then yes, we do also happen to want a great sense of space between the other folk. It's just another strange paradox that we happen to have. Ourselves have kind of come to the conclusion of being alright with being alone when we're older because of the oddity that we are. Perhaps your others might not be able to fill in the humanely void that might come from being able to see and touch another physical person but it does happen to work slightly well for us. Suppose it's just going to be one of those thigns where there's never really going to be a clear answer since the only ones that can answer that are you guys. Just know that a trust issue isn't the most uncommon thing for the folks that happen to have D.I.D. because we're familiar with it. Maybe we're rambling?

From all this we can say that we want it and then we don't want it. Hope that you can come to peace with knowing what you and the others would like however.

Disconnection is what I mean. Isolation I know I am. Dissociative episodes seem to make the feeling of disconnection more....not sure of the right word...but real. I had relationships in the past before the DID but they were all emotionally tense. Seems now it's more an immediate trigger to push away even before anything can develop. No way could I ever be in a romantic relationship as I do not trust anyone and hate touch. I want to have a friend to do stuff with but a small part of me even hates the thought of anything like that.
Isolation may build on my disconnection or vice versa. I write for the system as I know that I am not one that agrees with having any sort of feelings or relationship, so I am disconnected and isolated. When host returns, if ever, as it has been two months she may feel completely different. I bring this up based off comment by T..the benefit of my doing my job is feeling disconnected. Yes, I know. I am. But for system will it continue to cause a problem??

i have had issues with feeling connected to people. i have limited friends (one i see every months and one once a year) and haven't been in a romantic relationship really technically ever. i don't see it being possible because the fear and other things are too difficult. even just trying to meet people to be friends with causes anxiety, and romantic stuff is 100 times more difficult to think about. i always have triggers/red flags with people whether it's potential friendship or romantic/dating, etc. and can barely (sometimes never) tolerate the fear associated with it..it also sets off dissociation, and a billion things circle around inside...usually a DANGER sign/feeling.

i have people i feel connected to when i see them( family members)...but when i am not around them, i don't feel it.

i have social anxiety and am introverted and prefer/need to be alone a lot because being around people (esp. loud, aggressive, etc.) drain my energy. the trauma/DID related stuff makes it even worse/more difficult.

im detached from everyone, even myself

hear that too , Elevatedsoul !! Feel that way more and more right now

i think that i could be in a relationship if i tried fairly hard. it's difficult if someone tries to get too serious because i break it off before i can calm down and consider that it might be good to be in a relationship.
physical touch in a relationship is fine but i disconnect from it and am often dissociated to the point of not remembering it after. cuddling is ok usually though.
family--after i move out i never want to see them again. friends are really slim pickings and with the few that ive held onto through the years i'm not very close.

I am isolated totally and have been for ten years. Because I was continually traumatized by my brother and my mother during my toddler years, people who I innately loved, it is extremely hard for me to have intimate relationships. I start switching when I have a significant other. My alters do not have different names. People just think I am playing head games or being an asshole.

I try to explain, that with me, the dissociation exhibits more like little blips of amnesia or memory loss. There are differences in the personalities but unless you are as trained as Dr. Colin Ross you would not recognized the differences.