recent behavior

i want to say sorry for my chaotic behavior, i know ive been acting strange and i dont know why, im in a triggered state because i lost the only friend i ever had in my entire life and feel like i'll never see her again and that it means i'll never be able to make friends again so it feels like the end of the world to me in a way... so i just want to say sorry and that im going to go away for a while.. just keep me in your thoughts and hope or pray the best for me if you will because im a good person that is going through hell... ive been crying for the past week and havent been able to eat so im sure im having physical effects as well... its literally killing me that she left me the way she did...

I'm sorry that your friend left

I haven't been here much and haven't noticed what you mention but I hope you will be ok, please be gentle with self/selves

Thinking of you

i did this chaotic behavior with her and she didnt stand for it and left and blocked me everywhere and deleted me on facebooks and her phones and i cant get in touch with her and she isnt coming to my house and i dont wanna just stalk her and be like hey why you doing this... now im really hurting....

i dunno whats happening too me.. im dieing.. falling apart... im losing it or something...

i feel like im going to explode.. or implode.. like everything is gonna fall apart... i dunno how to explane it...

i dont wanna be alone... i think thats why im frantic here... im sorry...
its really hard... im scared...

This one the hardest thing if diagnose DID to separate the external world stressor. I see why we are all of different mindset different interest various needs. I see why the guilt ridden can be such a huge issue for us. This inevitable aspects make us loners let alone someone or something hurting us adding to our pain. I would say you don't owe anyone this work could happen on our own. I'm not saying don't be relational keeping a few strong souls beside ya, what I'm saying is try to free yourself from those at the end of the day are losing out. I firmly believe we all are interesting people even with this that make use different. If it is worth saving go for it.

im having suicidal ideations...

I hear ya! About four or five years ago, a so called friend told me in an email, have a nice life, don't contact me anymore. All I did was try to be real with her. I was just explaining how I feel about my life. Never mentioned suicide. After I got her email, and I called her wanting to know where did this come from and why. All she said was I am afraid your going to kill yourself. And that was it. I was shocked. I never got to explain myself. I was deeply and extremely hurt, and when I am reminded of her it still hurts just as deep. DID and BPD don't seem to mix well. Right now I am scared T is going to leave me. Though all that has happened is went from 2 times a week to 1.

I am have the same too. suicide Thought or even self harm

i just dont think i can handle this...
its too much, i want her back
why does she hate me, what did i do tto diserve this..

to cry, to turn and say hi, with a smile and no one knows
the pain inside, a twisted lie, something of a question
a world in itself, something confused, a person,
many,
lost forever...

how is it possible... to live like this.... to want to die... and to have a conversation going in your head about it... while laughing and conversing with someone external about how the day is nice, and the weather is warm, and should go fishing, to hide the pain and cover up the shame... how is it possible to not be able to show the pain, how is it possible to live like this

im feeling physically sick...

im so tired of this...
im scared.. so tired im scared...
i dont wanna die.. but i know part of me is so tired...
i just need to talk... but my friend is gone...

A few months ago in a moment of self doubt craziness....an Other called an ex....we were hung up on and unfriended on fb...lol.

Now we won't be calling her again! Lol.

It's not a good idea to write to or phone "exes" I have found.. they are exes" for a reason..