Med dissociation pretty bad right now

We feel so out of body right now. We always have felt a level of dissociation...but this is crazy.

We have gotten our bipolar meds down half it's normal dosages....we feel it is doing us more harm then good...especially since that we suspect we aren't that bipolar anyways.

The anxiety has gotten unreal, our vision and senses is headache bright, the teeth clenching bites, and it makes us drink a lot without much hangover effects.
I can always here a ringing in our ears...but it seems like it cuts right through the middle of our head much louder.

It's like we do our day without any thoughts of doing it. It feels like our body is in automatic doing it's own thing like climbing stairs, talking, working driving...and we are just watching.

I'm looking forward to a clear mind and body in light if our real condition...and to go from there.

i quit taking that saphris cold turkey a few days ago

sometimes its best to get rid of that ****

that was an evil drug

i hate being treated for bipolar, being told i get manic when i know its not mania and being drugged with those medications that just cause me to crash and burn

thats ok though, i got a plan
an evil plan


my anxiety is coming back a little too, and im a bit angry - but ... thats to be expected at this point i suppose

Right. They gave me anti--d for depression which made us wacky, so then stabilizers.... but the rapid cycling seems to be more a switching thing ....moody alters

im fine as long as im not around stupid people

or as long as i dont start thinking about stuff but usually its people that trigger me into those states and i get stuck

the bad thing is that i have to be around stupid people like 24/7

so whadda I do!?
i like to get high, makes it easy to tolerate

i really dont know, but im trying to figure it out - hoping this new plan works out without me killing someone

im usually a really easy happy going person, i never get angry or lash out at anyone even when im in bad moods, so its not fair for everyone around me to keep pushing me over the cliff - makes me think that i dont have any mental illness at all, its just everyone around me thats bloody crazy as hell and needs to get the hell away from me

cant tell if its coming from the outside or the inside or both

but im pretty sure that its not bipolar for me... i dunno what my problem is, kinda given up on figuring it out really, just goin by what i feel... what i talked about with the therapist and what makes the most sense...

i am going to get back on the old meds though, just cause i was like chaotically stable atleast... i think if i just keep my **** it attitude and **** everyone attitude i'll be ok, its all getting on my nerves though, i need to get some coping skills asap; and some weed

i need a break

Smoking shuts our mind down...we daze out....literally stops working. Really shouldn't have done drugs....life is truly weird as is.

thats why i like to smoke

turn this bloody thing off

but i been smoking for ever, so when im not smoking everything feels weird

when i am smoking everything feels normal

smoking helps me not get angry at stupid bull**%#



it makes me stop giving so much a flying ****

where as sober i have too many things going through my head

too many different thoughts, commands, ideas, desires

smoking slows it all down and i can just try to control it a little better

does that make any sense?

its been my medication of choice since i discovered it...

its just expensive... hard to come by... illegal... people think you are a drug addict for using it... people think you are stupid for using it... or that it makes you retarded... all kinds of negative connotations...

gotta love stigma...

alcohol on the other hand i started drinking at the same time, but it has a numbing effect... but a stupefying effect as well, which its not really a good medication that why im trying to get away from it

We prefer amphetamines. It actually focus us...gives us energy...quiets the brain....and makes us more communicable to other humans.

But we like it too much....so no touchy. A month script of adderoll xr will be gone in a week.

me too... but i've never actually been able to get my rx because my insurance wont cover it...

i am diagnosed with adhd though so im supposed to take them though

my ex-therapist said a few times that she didnt think i was adhd though but she never told me what she meant by it, i hate it when they do that...

i just like drugs in general though... just no hallucinogens, i have enough problems... cocaine and weed is a favorite.. opiates are good but they make you sick in the long run so i try not to use any opiate based drug too often...

i really love drugs .... i have mixed feelings about my adoration towards drugs though

i try not to think about it too much because it makes my head get messed up

its the part that they really help me a lot, with all of my symptoms...
they make me feel good
they make me happy
i dont have negative effects from it, to myself or with family or other things
ive never been in trouble, jail, or whatever
i dont steal or whatever

so its like... the only bad things i see about it are the other people around me
i hate to be controlled, for anyone to tell me what to do, for someone to impose their beliefs on me just because they think using a specific chemical is wrong, that i shouldnt do it, i think they should go **** themselves and leave me alone

im still in ****itall mode
now i wanna get high
but i wanna get high all the time anyway so its all good lol

movie time

Yes I tend to have medication ...side effects.... like this too. please dont get offended that I call it side effects rather than dissociation. here where I am dissociation due to medication rules out having a dissociative problem, therefore my location now calls these problems ...side effects.... rather than calling it dissociation.

heres something I noticed in both Alwayschanging and Elevated souls posts... to me it looks like the problems started happening .....after ..... the decrease in medications...

to me that would tell me that the meds were actually working right in some way...otherwise the problems would not be increasing as the decreasing of medications happens.

example... if my anxiety and dissociation symptoms increase..... after lowering a dosage..... that tells me that the higher dosage was taking care of the anxiety and mania.

if my symptoms are happening ......before...... the lowering of the dosage and the problems ...........get better not worse.......after lowering the dosage. that tells my treatment providers the higher dosage was wrong and that the medications may not be the right ones for me.

both of your posts state the side effects got worse .... after.... decreasing or stopping the meds. so logically the meds were helping in some way while you were on your full dosages....

my suggestion would be what my treatment providers call a medication adjustment change. this is where we stay in the same medication grouping because the meds were helping "something" and switching to another meds in that same category of medications to see if the next medication will not only take care of the anxiety and mania but also the depression and other symptoms without the dissociative like side effects

Thanks for the reply....but today I feel just fine....my mind is clearer in thought as my body readjusts....not feeling like I've been over prescribed.

Med side effects, sure.

It's not the jaw clenching brain strain it was. I thought about going off, but kinda remembered how we was before we began.

We're also out of biitch mode. Feeling bad that we were.

You know stupid doctors...always thinking a bigger dose fixes everything.

We are so med/drug sensitive that too much is worse then the illness.

I think we will park right here awhile and see how it goes.

im not hating on doctors

im just hating that it seems the majority of the time doctors will claim to understand when they dont... when they dont ask the right questions... when they dont relate... when they dont connect... they just ship you in and out and there is no real help

im happy, i have been happy all day, i have dealt with a lot of people all day
its been fine

my symptoms are cool, im not all the way here but im never all the way here

i find myself disconnecting and wanting to withdraw...

start feeling paranoid like people are talking about me... like how i am not talking all of a sudden... how i seem to not be myself... how something has happened to me...
how i seem disconnected... by i tried to tell myself that they probably arent thinking those things... but i happen to know from past experience that it has happened before that they were thinking those things... so i tried my best to continue pulling myself out of those disconected states, and engage in the crowd...

i have done well... saphris is a strong medication and i would suggest anyone that is about to take it do so with care... obviously for me it was not a good one... i dont have to be a doctor to tell such.... i would only take it for severe mania and schizophrenia...

actually i dunno if im happy, im just not feeling bad

lets say that

i am buzzed

Nothing in mental illness is standard like a broken arm is a broken arm...it's all still a chemistry experiment. Maybe one day...