Sssshhhhhhh!

I have had another wasted weekend

the sad thing is, I'm not sure I'm that bothered.. it's been really hot outside, sure, and people have been doing their own thing- but hey.. I don't have anyone to do anything with, or anywhere I particularly want to go if I did, so

so sunday's here and I've accomplished **** all

so what

I've eaten (and cooked my own meals), not harmed myself and made an effert to shower friday- so I guess I've been taking care of myself

only thing I've not been doing is sleeping

but what's sleep anyway?

Our on call shift is about over, one more night. Getting ready for tomorrow.

[Amyjay]

I am sick of being sick, I know most of it is trauma related, I have been throwing up daily for several weeks now. Trying to decide if I can afford to see the Dr to see if there is anything she can do to help, not sure she can so don't want to waste the dollars. I feel like throwing up all the time. Until I do throw up, then I feel better for about half an hour. Then I feel constantly sick until I throw up again.
Ugh.

Originally Posted by Amyjay

I am sick of being sick, I know most of it is trauma related, I have been throwing up daily for several weeks now. Trying to decide if I can afford to see the Dr to see if there is anything she can do to help, not sure she can so don't want to waste the dollars. I feel like throwing up all the time. Until I do throw up, then I feel better for about half an hour. Then I feel constantly sick until I throw up again.
Ugh.

Have you tried a spiritual approach...like meditation....discovering your higher power....12 steps have helped me tremendously....connecting with the Universe beyond the realm of man that has been traumatic....

I love nature...it’s so innocent of human’s vulgarness....I find peace in that not of this world, a higher plane of consciousness beyond self....but more eternal making my life small to the grand scheme of things....but not trivializing self, but connecting to the purity unmired by human selfishness.

Ever get the feeling that you are over extending your visit?

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Ever get the feeling that you are over extending your visit?

if you're saying what I think you're saying, then oh my god yes

meant to be seeing someone at 10 A.M today, but now it's 11 A.M and as usual they arn't ****ing here

I'm not playing these games with them, if they show up later I can tell them just where to go and I won't be letting them in

people can't show up on ****ing time

not my issue

biggist annoyance

yesterday we watched a movie called geo storm

jesus ****ing christ
what a waste of an hour or so

mmoovie about this virus that was going to cause a massive storm unless this group of people stopped it

too actiony for us

we prefer drama

and my chicken pie I ate yesterday was ****ing ****

and my computer is being a ****ing idiot because it won't load the site I sometimes go on to vent

Just got up, drinking coffee, and happy that it’s Monday morning. Our week long job commitment is over and nothing awful really happened.

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Just got up, drinking coffee, and happy that it’s Monday morning. Our week long job commitment is over and nothing awful really happened.

I never knew happy and monday could go in the same sentence

lol.. so many people hate mondays

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I never knew happy and monday could go in the same sentence

lol.. so many people hate mondays

I know, right?! Lol

Monday morning is the end of hell week of being on call 24/7....now I can relax.

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

I know, right?! Lol

Monday morning is the end of hell week of being on call 24/7....now I can relax.

as an adition to what I posted yesterday, I have just discovered their is a band (a rather old band) called

" the happy mondays"

....... okay

in adition to my no rest last night, I was also in a lot of pain (all ****ing night)

I am in a lot of pain this morning too

just had breakfast and now doing **** all

well **** all to do

[Amyjay]

Last night we gave a drunk stranger a ride to his drug house so he could buy some tinnies. I …. did not anticipate that turn of events.

yesterday I got really, really, wound up

I was trying to fill out an application form, but the woman who wrote it had clearly no writing skills.. she didn't write it word by word, she wrote it letter by letter- and trust me, for someone like myself (not the best speller), that, was painfull

trying to spell Fibromyalgia out letter by letter was hard (as well as all the other words she'd written in that format)

their needs to be a rule about people who can not write not sending out aplication forms. just saying

Possible trigger:

later my mother decided to email me an attachment which turned out to be a voice clip of her asking if I was dead, with sounds of fake guns in the background

what the actual ****. I couldn't have really stopped the trrigger, as it was labeled something along the lines of

"the night has a thousand eyes- bobby v", which later I found out was a song anyway

sick woman

but yeah that triggered me a lot

but apart from that.. I suppose the same as any other day

I didn't sleep again and didn't rest

mood is okay today.

got nothing to do again.. just laundry- but it is all ready in the washing machine

no sleep again.

got some shopping done this morning (at least enough to last me until monday), but apart from that I've done nothing.

irritation is really high today, only because I told someonen ot to do something, and they ended up doing it (you know how it is, people just have to do the oppositte of what you say)

little depressed I guess too.

Feelings of misunderstood and misunderstanding....so sick of singulation directed at our multiplicity.

So tired of he said/ she said directed as to you said so therefore you lie.

This world is not fit for my being.

The only thing wrong with professional help is that humans are in charge. Freedom is a farce...silence is a must.

Why o why are we here?

It’s time to shut up and stop exposing our confusion....it’s amazing how certain professionals really suck at being professional.

So effing stressed. Co-signed kids car, his financial aid, then he gets a dwi, then loses his job...then come here to get antagonized...fighting feelings of...in hopelessness.

I need to eliminate as much stress and triggers...it is causing a lot of violent abusive talk outward and inward. Our once cohesive system is being ripped asunder by all this. Strong resentful/hateful feelings are arising. Control over outbursts dwindling... getting more switch to angry alts.

I can use a lot less abusive people in my life...it’s effecting my life in all bits and at work and home. I sure can do without this place.

acording to someone I was with yesterday, I

Possible trigger:

tried to strangle myself (or one of us inside tried to), and also talked a lot about my parents/ old life

none of us remember it, but apparently we did, and apparently she was scared.. very scared- and trying to take our hand away from our throat

night full of flashbacks, and no sleep- sucks really, but it's what it is. almost another week now with nothing... not even a yawn (I should probably be concerned about it, but I'm not really), as I'm not feeling sleep deprived or anything

anyway today we had our shower which did nothing for us.. just made us feel gross and our mood 10 times worse

and then we joined spotify

we finally got round to joining it (we've wanted to for agess), and spent the afternoon messing around on that site viewing random playlists

playlists like.. " songs about dogs"

and we're not kidding

again no plans for today

and again no sleep

I guess nothing to say

I just wanted to post.. because I can. lol

[Laurel1562]

Just got back from a few days out of town to celebrate my anniversary. It was a good time.

But looks like I picked up a virus and I feel sick.

Funny(?) note: I had to double and triple check which restroom I was going into ever since Big Billy took me into a men's room on a separate occasion and I didn't know it till I got out of the stall and saw a guy standing at the urinal.

He's such a sniper in taking executive control, so far as I know only in these mischievous ways.

[MoxieDoxie]

My T put an entire plant in my lap and even though I was frozen I can still hear and see. That scene just keeps looping around in my head.