Being believed

I recently wrote my T a letter hoping to find out if she believes me. I often try to avoid talking about dissociation and how I feel such a dividedness inside (I'm Not DID). I kind of feel like she doesnt believe me. Why would she? I mean there isnt a space for me in the DSM. I wouldnt believe me if I was normal. In my letter I asked her to understand that how difficult it was to explain, how hard it was for me to talk about and how i wanted to know she understood and believe me. She answered my email back minus the believing me. Maybe an oversight? Maybe im crazy and shouldnt belive myself.

Asking if someone believes us often shows we have trouble outselves with what we understand and believe. Sometimes when I ask someone if they believe me, I'm not satisfied with what they answer, either if they do or don't. I think maybe your T doesn't want to get caught in that crossfire/trap? It doesn't really matter is she believes, you have to believe and work with what you believe?

i dont know if i agree. if she doesnt believe me.. how can she help me? If she doesnt believe me, how can she be someone i trust?

We know what we know. Everyone has their own knowledge about the world, how it works, etc. We can't use other people's knowledge and beliefs. I don't think she wants to "influence" you and your beliefs/problems by telling you whether or not she believes you. Would someone work with someone they didn't believe? We have to learn to sort out questions like that for ourselves and decide what we believe about the people in our lives. Just because she believes you does not mean she can necessarily help you and the reverse of that needs to be true; she might be able to help you whether she believes you or not. As long as you think, "Maybe im crazy and shouldnt believe myself" then she shouldn't be in there influencing you. That's your task, figuring out whether and what you believe.

Did I say something wrong?

EV-

Why do you think you try to avoid talking about dissociation? So many many people do it, it's not that uncommon with mental struggles. I bet your T. has seen it before.
My last T. had to point it out TO me- as it's what I've known my whole life-- thought everyone did it to the degree I do.

Just because something isn't written specifically in the DSM doesn't mean a therapist will dismiss it-- at least not a GOOD therapist. You are what you are and your struggles exist for you and a good therapist will believe that.

I hope I was of some help. I feel your discomfort and wish that you feel better about this soon.

EV-

mandy

(((((((((( esthersvirtue )))))))))))

When I explained what was happening to me my T told me it was dissociation. Everyone does it to some degree. It was the way we survived. It just is not needed now, but it is automatic and it causes us problems.

It is a T's job to believe you. They have no reason not to. They are to help you through the situation you explain to them. Why would you be there making up stories?

I hope this was some comfort.

((((((((((((((((( ev ))))))))))))))))))))

Once t told me that it really didn't matter if every word I told him was fact, did it...that it's what I believed that mattered. I, with shock, said that of course it mattered! He broke it down for me...memories are different and might not be factual. The president and the pope could both view an accident and have very different accounts and neither might be completely factual due to several things.

He said if I believed something to be true then that's what affected me and that's what we were to deal with. He did follow it with saying that he certainly believed that I was honest with him about what I believed and knew.

It sounded tricky to me then and still does, ya know? I felt like a play with words and a mind game of some sort...just tell me you believe me...YES, I need that. Not everything needed to be analyzed and were very basic I think.

I NEEDED to know SIMPLY that he believed me because things felt very unreal to me. I NEEDED that touchstone. We later talked about that and he could see where I was coming from and said simply, "Yes, I believe you."

I do know where you're coming from, hon, and I do understand that very basic need that really should have a simple answer. I look back now and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he believed me, probably more and on more levels than anyone ever has. I hope that for you.

I hope you can ask her for what you need and I hope she can give it...simply and honestly.

The next time you broach the subject, maybe try not to mix it up with another issue? I'm just guessing as to what might help, hon, because I really struggled with this myself. Maybe she just focused on making sure to relay to you that she understood in the email?

KD

Exactly. It's what YOU believe that is important to the T. ((((hugs))))

EV, I think you should show your T this thread. Sometimes communication between two ppl is such that the other may not fully understand what you're really asking, and really needing.

I think your T most likely believes you, or she probably would have confronted you about what she didn't believe.

What kd said about memory is right, though, and it's not "tricky." I understand what her T meant by it because I've taken classes and done some independent learning about the nature of memory. One good way of understanding that comes from a quote by a cognitive psychologist who studies memory. Here's the quote from a paper I wrote as a student:

Kihlstrom (1994) attributes the normal forgetting of traumas to the constructive nature of memory: “memory is not so much like reading a book as it is like writing one from fragmentary notes (p341).”

Basically, cognitive psychologists understand that memory is constructive... that we sort of piece together our memories from little bits of information that we have. The accuracy of memory is affected by a LOT of different things, including even our current mood. But the overall feeling and meaning of a memory is basically intact. Nobody- NOBODY- has a memory that's infallible or completely "accurate." So, in essence, the exact facts aren't as important in therapy as your experience of those facts. Make sense?

Anyway, EV, I know you're not asking about memory per se, but about yoru experience of feeling "split" as they say it. IMNSHO, I think that split is just as literal as if your body had cracked into pieces, or at least had some really deep wounds that separated some flesh from other flesh. But it's sometimes not as easy to see and demonstrate. In the case of DID, it's a bit more apparent and more pronounced. However, it's your experience of it that matters, and if your T is any good as a trauma T, she knows that. And she knows that splitting is a common response to early trauma. If she doesn't, find a new T, cause she's not equipped for working with you! But I suspect that she does understand more than you know.

I hope you will talk with her very specifically and directly, and try several times if needed. Communication is a funny thing and two people never have the same understanding of or recollection of a conversation (kind of the same deal as memory).

I hope my ramblings have made some sense.