[Poohbear13]

My Ts shared with me yesterday that they won't be sharing with me what happens when a part comes out and I am not able to be co conscious. They said they would share all of it eventually but right now is not the right time in my recovery. This has me very anxious and almost not wanting to having any of my parts come out in therapy. I feel completely and totally out of control when another part takes over and I have no idea what is happening during that time.

I have been doing some reading on DID and it seems that giving up control is a major issue. I am told and have read that in order to get anywhere in therapy and recovery that I have to give up control to my therapist. This involves A LOT of trust and I am not sure I am there yet with my Ts. What if I do something that is inappropriate? What if I hurt someone or something? What if I do something to embarass myself or others? What if I do something and it upsets my Ts and they don't want to to work with me anymore? These are all fears that I have.

How does one give up so much control to people I hardly know? Does anyone know what I am talking about? Am I making any sense? Does anyone have any good advise?

[SICKlySweet]

Originally Posted by Poohbear13

My Ts shared with me yesterday that they won't be sharing with me what happens when a part comes out and I am not able to be co conscious. They said they would share all of it eventually but right now is not the right time in my recovery. This has me very anxious and almost not wanting to having any of my parts come out in therapy. I feel completely and totally out of control when another part takes over and I have no idea what is happening during that time.

I have been doing some reading on DID and it seems that giving up control is a major issue. I am told and have read that in order to get anywhere in therapy and recovery that I have to give up control to my therapist. This involves A LOT of trust and I am not sure I am there yet with my Ts. What if I do something that is inappropriate? What if I hurt someone or something? What if I do something to embarass myself or others? What if I do something and it upsets my Ts and they don't want to to work with me anymore? These are all fears that I have.

How does one give up so much control to people I hardly know? Does anyone know what I am talking about? Am I making any sense? Does anyone have any good advise?

I don't have DID, but I have problems just opening up with my T, just for the fact of not being able to Trust.

She tells me she will not judge, she is not a peer, or a parent, BUT I feel like the last time I opened up about being victimized when I was a child, ( I wasn't doing it to play vicitim, I was doing it so that she could understand where I was coming from.) Shed wanted me to open up to her. And her response was that I am no longer a victim and that I should understand that.

OY! did that piss me off. So I have held back much information since than on.

This prob doesn't help you, I guess a person just needs to step out of that shell eventually or else they will never know what they can do.

Try something small. Hope that made sense.

[Jewels]

Poohbear...

im sorry so many questions seem ta pop up, an insteada gettin answers there r more questions...that spirally thing that happens when we get inta T...we would say ta take alla those questions ta ur Ts an let them know xactly what is goin on, how it makes u feel, an then ask them ALLA the questions u have...if they can't answer somethin they should tell u that...at least for the moment...an if they say that, maybe its somethin u dont hafta know right now...b gentle with urself...doin this, an work, an runnin a household an payin bills an.........the list goes on but u know u best...an if it bothrs u so much that they rnt tellin u yet bcuz of the timin, then its time ta start trustin the Ts a lil bit an let the rest fall away...we'll b prayin for u...

abbi of jewels

[wanttoheal]

(((((((((((Poohbear)))))))))))))

I do not have co consciousness and my T didn't tell me anything either, but I didn't want to know. She always said that the brain put the information behind barriers for a reason and when my brain was ready to deal with it, it would come forward. I've never had any idea of what was happening when I wasn't present so it didn't upset me so much, at least not in the beginning.

As I got more awareness of what goes on for me, it did make me feel anxious and upset though.

As far as these:

What if I do something that is inappropriate? What if I hurt someone or something? What if I do something to embarass myself or others? What if I do something and it upsets my Ts and they don't want to to work with me anymore?

I've done things that are inappropriate (present and not), I've hurt people (not physically but in other ways) and I've hurt things. I've embarrassed myself both being present and finding out later about things. Unfortunately it's a fact of life with dissociation and in every day life for most people I think. For me, it's always happened, I just didn't have the awareness. Awareness is hard. It means I have to really look at things and when it's something I can't control, it makes it even harder. But without awareness, no steps forward can be made.

The thing with T's is, they are neutral. If your Ts are any good, you won't upset them. Trauma Ts know that people react certain ways and if they have any knowledge of dissociation, they will understand.

The only advice I can give is take one day at a time. The longer you go to T and the more consistent T is, the more you will be able to trust. The more you are able to trust, the more safe you will feel. The more safe you feel, the more you will be able to open up. And that is what will lead to healing, imo.

Hang in there Poohbear. We understand.

[DianasClan]

Originally Posted by Jewels

we would say ta take alla those questions ta ur Ts an let them know xactly what is goin on, how it makes u feel, an then ask them ALLA the questions u have...if they can't answer somethin they should tell u that...at least for the moment...an if they say that, maybe its somethin u dont hafta know right now

I agree with what others have said above. Specially the idea that Abbi had. Take your post above and print it out. Take it to your T and go over it with them. Let them know exactlly how you feel and what your fears are. Let them answer and advise on the best way to proceed. Giving up control to a T can be scary but when you think about it you are giving up control everytime one of your parts takes over. Your T will eventually tell you what has gone on but at more apporpriate times in your recovery.

We are here for you. Hugs if you want them.

Denise of the Clan

[Safron]

We don't really give up control, we only pretend to give over control if we think someone can help us through a tough time. You and yours are in control of the whole, nothing and no one can take that away and live.

(Laughter)

Take care of you and yours.

Some Ts talk a load of sh……. Oops! Sorry.

Be good to yourself.

Use kind and gentle words with the others within.

[Poohbear13]

I emailed my Ts and they have assured me that I am in the right spot. They don't expect me to give up total control right away and that it takes time. They tell me that I am on the right track as far as the trusting goes. They have assured me that there is nothing I can do wrong and they won't stop seeing me if something happens. They are just letting me know that giving up control is not a bad thing and they also tell me they don't expect me to give up total control right away. They understand that they have to earn my trust.
This makes me feel a bit better. At least I know I am not expected to give up total control right away. I will remain in control as much as possible while building the trust.

[Safron]

Your T sounds like a pretty good one.

As for trust. Please forgive my straight-talking.

But the person you need to trust is yourself, your whole-self.

Once you trust yourself, you'll know instinctively who to trust outside of yourself.

[DianasClan]

Originally Posted by Poohbear13

I emailed my Ts and they have assured me that I am in the right spot. They don't expect me to give up total control right away and that it takes time. They tell me that I am on the right track as far as the trusting goes. They have assured me that there is nothing I can do wrong and they won't stop seeing me if something happens. They are just letting me know that giving up control is not a bad thing and they also tell me they don't expect me to give up total control right away. They understand that they have to earn my trust.
This makes me feel a bit better. At least I know I am not expected to give up total control right away. I will remain in control as much as possible while building the trust.

It is good that you emailed your Ts. I am glad that you feel a bit better about the whole control issue. I myself am a control freak and hate the idea of giving up contol to someone else even my own system. But I am trying to learn to trust. It is very hard to trust someone that you dont know very well even when that someone is inside you.

Thanks for the update.
Diana

[Poohbear13]

yesterday I met with my T and she confirmed that i am doing the right thing. she also said that if i gave up total control right away it would be overwhelming to both of us. today is a difficult day in the respect of giving up control. i am having this overwhelming fear and it is coming from a part that is only 6 years old. on top of that she doesn't talk. i am having a tough time comforting her because i am having a tough time comforting myself. i can't help but wonder what my life would be like if i had complete and total control over it. i want to be in control of every little thing and i know that is not possible even without this disorder. is there anyone out there that has control over their parts?

[Jewels]

I don't have control over my parts, but I do know how to comfort myself. I have a teddybear named Pookie that I cling to often, because I have had him since I have been an adult, which is a long time. I don't often wash him, but his smell is comforting and helps bring me back into focus again after a time. I have been very depressed as of late, and have responded with silence, crying and clinging to Pookie. I don't have a T right now, so it is difficult to find someone to listen, but I do know that coming here and talking about things has helped me tremendously. I am not always in the frame of mind to be able to comfort myself, so I look back at posts that I wrote that gave me hugs, and prayers, and more hugs. This place has helped me stay out of the hospital because they don't judge me for being so depressed, scared, anxious, and any other emotion I, or my alters, are feeling at the time.

As for your little, give her time. I have a very scared little that thinks the world is going to crash down around her every moment. I have asked that the more mature alters help her, and they keep her busy with coloring, drawing, and going for walks. It helps take her mind off of being scared, and it helps everyone else too, including me. Have you bought her anything that she can call her own, like a stuffie, or crayons, coloring books, etc.? Maybe you could go to Build A Bear and make her one that you feel she would like. I recently got my abbi one and she loves it. Of course it doesn't always work, but having something they can call their own does wonders. Just food for thought.

I will be praying for you, as I am sure that others inside will too. Hope to hear good things soon.

Yahna the main Jewel

[Poohbear13]

Yahna~

I have a stuffed dog that I cling to all the time. I am using him more and more. I spent the vast majority of this afternoon doing things to comfort myself (I took my dog to the dog park, I journaled, I read, and I just layed with my stuffed dog and real dog). It also has helped a bit with the fear that I posted about in the other post. Thanks for your advise and for listening.

I'm not sure what is meant by "giving up control" to your T--- I don't give my T any "control" over me and mine. My T and I try to work together in therapy. Generally I control the way things are going--well, sometimes an insider does---there is a plan and we discuss it, but if something else comes up that needs to be dealt with we do.

My T doesn't tell me what another says IF the other wants it kept confidential. I am asked to not listen so they can talk. She treats each part as a person and respects the confidentiality of what is said. I have asked in the past "what did she say" and my T says "when she is ready she will tell you." or "have you asked her?" If I am not co-concious with that insider, then I have to wait until she is willing to talk to me.

You are doing fine. It's hard to trust, but try to understand that your T's have your best interest in mind AND if for any reason you are not comfortable with what they say or do--TELL THEM. They are NOT all knowing.

Just my two cents for what it is worth--and right now, probly not a whole lot.
wi

[Poohbear13]

White Iris~

Thanks for your input. My Ts are telling me that I need to trust more and that by doing that I am giving up some control. We work together as well. but they also reassured me that I am doing a fine job right now up trusting.

When I am not co conscious and I come back to the present I always have this feeling and just asking "What the hell happened?" I have to remember what you said that they will tell me when they are ready. I just don't like that feeling of not knowing.

i fully understand that. there are things that they don't want me to know and it makes me feel like a 2 yr old!!! i feel angry and scared at the same time. i think giving up control is like not hanging onto the "i will do this myself and i know what to do and i want to be in charge"--i think anyway

white iris was like that. she had to let us express ourselves and talk and stuff like that. she had a real tight reign on us. she can be a bit controlling even still.

once she relaxed her hold and let us talk and be who we are without her wanting to do it without us, then she found that we started working more as a team and discussed things more instead of her trying to do it alone and pushing us somewhere else and denying we even existed. at least she tried. HAHA

don't know if this is helping. but i hope so
naomi of the constellation